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Old 09-02-2014, 02:04 PM   #1
rebecuna
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Default Missing the bus on purpose

Refused to eat the cereal bc I took some out of his bowl (he had poured too much and there wasn't enough left for his brother), so it got soggy and wasted. I cooked him eggs (mistake?) just to get something in his body bc I can't imagine sending him to school without breakfast (and he would have just gone to the school crap breakfast, which they are not allowed to deny him even if we have no money in our account). Dragged his feet eating the eggs as slowly as possible. The bus went by a minute before he was ready. Is there an appropriate consequence for this or do I need to rethink the whole situation? Obviously we were cutting the timing too close, and I can get him started earlier. But when his attitude is bad from the moment he wakes up, I'm not sure how to get us back on track so the morning is not totally derailed. And rushing is always a trigger, for him and for me. But there are actual time restraints sometimes, and I don't know how to leave enough time to account for all his possible delay tactics or freak outs.

When I drove him to school (which made me late for my first day of class), I wouldn't let him listen to his audio book, which sent him into another tailspin. I felt like that was a reasonable consequence, since I didn't want to reward his missing the bus... but that might be thinking punitively?

I was totally at a loss this morning, and so, SO angry. I know I didn't handle it great, but I did walk away and give myself some time to cool down, so I'm trying to appreciate even the small victories (at least I didn't clobber him like I wanted to, right? )
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Old 09-02-2014, 03:38 PM   #2
mamacat
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Default Re: Missing the bus on purpose

i wouldnt have him pouring own cereal - is easy to overpour.Especially if there isnt plenty. Letting others help with other dynamics
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Old 09-02-2014, 04:28 PM   #3
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Default Re: Missing the bus on purpose

Here's a few things we do to help with the morning routine.

1. I take everyone's breakfast "order" the night before so that there is no discussion the morning of. When I say "order", it's not a restaurant, I basically give them two choices. Usually eggs or oatmeal. Then they can choose how it is prepared and with what (toast, sausage, etc). So first thing upon waking, I make them the pre-determined meal and set it on the table. That cuts a lot of negotiation, fighting, and time.

2. I wake the kids up far earlier than they "need." For example, this school year, I wake up all the kids at 5:30 a.m. My older two have to leave for their bus at about 6:50 and the littles at about 7:50. The extra time has made a HUGE change in the atmosphere the morning of. Less drama. Less yelling. Less fighting. Actually, none of those things. Seriously. Huge change.

3. We do as much as possible the night before. All lunches are made. Showers taken. Clothes set out. Back packs packed and ready to go. Pretty much anything that can be done the night before is done the night before.

4. routine. This sort of pulls together all of the things above, but having a predictable routine where the kids know what to expect when and where and they simply follow it.

Then finally, especially at younger ages, it's not up to my kids to make or miss the bus. 10 minutes before bus arrives, I say "it's time to go" and we walk out the door. Ready or not I guess. But honestly, with all the above in place, we've never had a "not ready" situation.

In previous years, without the above in place, we certainly have. We had mornings of craziness and chaos and yelling and screaming. The above has resolved those issues.
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Old 09-02-2014, 06:23 PM   #4
rebecuna
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Default Re: Missing the bus on purpose

2sunshines: how do you have energy to do all that at night? i struggle to even get the dishes put in the dishwasher!
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Old 09-03-2014, 04:39 AM   #5
2sunshines
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Default Re: Missing the bus on purpose

We do it early enough so that we're not trying to do it while exhausted.

The kids have scheduled bedtimes -- the youngest goes to bed at 7:00 and the rest go in increments after that. So about 6:00 we start doing the evening prep.

I have four in school, but two of them are middle schoolers so are doing all the evening routine alone, and the younger two are learning it, I'm just supervising. My 7 year old picks out her own clothes, and I just ask her to show them to me for approval. I lay out clothes for my 5 year old just for simplicity.

Both littles help with packed lunch preparation. I'll ask them what they want for their main dish (usually a sandwich, salad, or leftovers) and I'll prepare that. Then they can pick their sides with guidance (usually fruits, veggies, yogurt, etc.).

Once you get in the routine, it's really not that much work. Really, making lunches is the biggest part of it.

It's overwhelming at the beginning. But once you all learn the routine, and keep consistent with the routine, it goes very quickly and easily.

Right now, I honestly can't imagine going back to the mass chaos that we went through before we got this routine down.
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