Ignoring and disrespect

[wildswede]

My five year old has a lot going on, we both do. Summing all up, we are going back to the autism specialists in a couple weeks because of increased and persistent behaviors in school (what a shocker, they didn't magically stop once he entered a public school). I'm already frustrated over him being in a public school, it wasn't my first choice, but I digress. He's becoming more and more belligerent and I don't know what to do. I'm a bit embarrassed, I work at the school he attends and he just gets into these ruts when he's been having a hard time, he doesn't like people looking at him, he's angry, he knows he's not being appropriate but just keeps going because he's embarrassed. It doesn't matter what anyone tells him he just totally ignores and does whatever he wants to do whenever he wants to do it. I've never used a ton of rewards and punishments with him and the public school cannot function without these things it seems. He's so isolated and apart from the other kids he doesn't consider himself part of the students, but as the teacher's helper. His impulse control has gone down considerably, he was having similar issues at daycare and does at home, but it seems so much worse right now, he's even regressed in swimming! It's especially hard working in a school with so many other parents and people who've worked with kids for years and everyone has their opinions... I'm totally at a loss for how to proceed. I cannot handle the total just ignoring and disrespect from my son, that is not the sort of home we have and it bothers me.

[OnAMission]

My five year old, even without the stresses you describe, has had a hard time this fall with days of similar behaviors. For us, it started just as she turned 5.5, and the last few days she has started to ease off. I am sorry you and your son are feeling pressured from so many sides. wisdom for you

ETA: I really backed off a lot of my expectations of her time. I know that you are constrained by school and your job, but maybe there are ways to let him have more free time for a few weeks?

[wildswede]

He has two scheduled breaks during the day, during his morning break he goes into the LRC classroom for sensory and they also have a social story for him. During the afternoon break he goes to the motor room for gross motor activity. He spends classroom time at a separate table by himself, he is given a task to complete and then he has an iPad for his exclusive use and sets a visual timer for five or ten minutes. Then the process repeats. Free time isn't usually beneficial for him, he kind of needs "structured free time" because he's way too good at entertaining himself and might do something like disassemble the heating unit in the classroom to find out why it makes a noise sometimes:/ I think my biggest challenge is getting myself to shut up and just accept that people are going to have their opinions and they don't matter... I feel the need to prove sometimes that I do have expectations for him and don't let him do whatever he wants and that doesn't help either of us. I know what works best for him when he's not listening, but sometimes, I'm so frustrated or have co-workers in my ear. I work with autistic students in a self-contained classroom and I also need to be able to do my job.