Spitting... and how to keep my mouth shut?!

[CelticJourney]

Originally Posted by Bea423

I agree with you. It is not my suggestion at all that someone would reject sound wisdom and council when dealing with serious illness. The woman I spoke to specifically had been on medication for some time and was being led to deal with it spiritually because it had a spiritual root. After she was able to deal with that, she no longer needed medication. I am working through spiritual issues that deeply affect my gut. I am progressively becoming allergic to more food. God has shown me that my illness is rooted in a spiritual matter. That (and thyroid issues among many others) is backed by science. What they call mental, I see as spiritual. In the mean time I avoid the foods that hurt me and when the time comes I will eat them again. OP should pray and listen to wisdom and treat her son as needed. But also look at spiritual issues. I hope that clarifies my statements.

---------- Post added at 02:06 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:04 PM ----------

Also, I wanted to add that when children are the ones suffering, it is usually the parent who needs to seek out the spiritual root in themselves first. The word says we pass iniquities to our children. Often (even outside of medical issues) when we receive a deliverance of anger or fear... We see that deliverance also in our young children. At no point would learning to understand spiritual implications need to be a yoke around anyone's neck, but especially a child. Especially if it was handled the way it should be.

To the bold, yes. To the rest, I'm going to drop this line of discussion because I don't think it will help the original poster, but no, just no.

[Bea423]

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---------- Post added at 02:17 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:11 PM ----------

Originally Posted by CelticJourney

I'm going to drop this line of discussion because I don't think it will help the original poster, but no, just no.

I'm sorry if my statements offended or hurt you. I have put a lot of time and energy into researching spiritual roots and it is why I recommended the book to the OP. I understand how confusing it seems, but I hope OP will pray about it and consider reading it. I also hope that just because I couldn't cover every detail of it in a couple paragraphs, that it would still be read. It isn't about guilt or blame. .

I don't want to go deeply into it because I don't want to derail the post either. Maybe another time I will open a discussion about it in Theological discussions.

[ArmsOfLove]

Iniquities of the father to the 3rd or 4th generation really just means that our children are born and raised by us where we are. Genetically we give them what we have to give - nature; we raise them with what we know and what we have to teach them - nurture. We give them junky DNA sometimes and we teach them things we only later learn aren't good. The promise is that for those who love God there are blessings that will go to 1,000 generations of descendants - and He overrides and restores our iniquities and gives us grace. I think of when the disciples asked Jesus why the blind man he was healing was blind - his sins or his fathers? Jesus answered, "neither - he was born blind so that the Son of Man could be glorified."

I agree with those who have said that this is not a discipline issue. With that said, the tools for parenting on my site aolff.org help when working with special needs children and all children You might get some ideas there.

Definitely agree that if you can tune into your own feelings about things and learn to set some boundaries for yourself you will have an easier time keeping control of yourself

[wildswede]

I have done a lot of growing spiritually and research spirituality as well as spend a lot of time with God, I have to say, I really get up in arms when someone suggests to me that all my problems (and my child's problems) would be fixed if only I were a "better" Christian. Absolutely, spiritual matters MATTER in all aspects of life. Do I believe people have been healed through prayer? Without a doubt. Do I believe that those who die of cancer and other diseases just didn't pray hard enough or somehow were spiritually incompetent? An emphatic no. I know that's probably not what anyone thinks they are saying, but when you get to the root of it, that's what it's about. It's like abundance ministry... if you pray about it the right way, you will get the guy, the car, the house, the money, etc. I don't think my God operates like that. To think that we can ever reach perfection in the Lord is false, because He already calls us perfect for one, and because we have been told already that none are without sin. Do I think I'm totally right with God? No, we aren't ever and we aren't ever going to be through anything that we do... if we could, that would mean Jesus' sacrifice was pointless and I'm not prepared to say that.
Anyway, I've been making some parenting changes, my mantra is "Be humble, not arrogant. Be kind, not condescending. Be firm, not harsh." I know that when I fail to immediately respond with gentle firmness to my son's loss of control, I am not parenting the way he needs to be parented. We all like to do exactly what we want when we want to, but I recognize how frightening it is to be out of control and not have anyone take that leadership. He desperately needs me to take the reins and give him clear and steady boundaries, because even though he often appears to be having a grand time misbehaving... he's out of control and doesn't know what to do.
We have a long genetic history of mental health issues, my dad's brother has schizophrenia and my dad battled Tourette's, PTSD, anxiety, and depression and he committed suicide three years ago, his uncle and cousin have ADHD. I am terrified of my son winding up down the same path of substance abuse and self-harm. I cannot do anything about his brain chemistry or misfiring neurons or the way it looks on an MRI when compared to that of a neurotypical child, I can make sure my treatment of him is not contributing to an increase of dysfunction though. I can make sure I am doing my best to help him build new, more functional connections, though.
I will also say that he has had a wonderful rest of the week. His regular driver has been back and even though she had several more kids added to her route that increased his bus time almost twice over again today, she had only good things to say about his behavior on the bus. We have things to work on: behavior with substitutes is one and mommy accepting that sometimes he doesn't get a choice is another.

[Bea423]

Originally Posted by wildswede

I have done a lot of growing spiritually and research spirituality as well as spend a lot of time with God, I have to say, I really get up in arms when someone suggests to me that all my problems (and my child's problems) would be fixed if only I were a "better" Christian. .

This is why I deleted my comment. That isn't what I intended to say at all and there isn't enough time to really get deep into what I was trying to share. My intention was to share a book and a testimony that we have seen amazing things as we searched out our own "roots" and that it was an avenue to search out. I am not able to write clearly or extensively enough to share in a way that would be truly beneficial and not hurtful. I actually never expected the conversation to go in the direction it did. So I took my comments down because my wording wasn't great and I don't want anyone hurt, nor do I want to Misrepresent an entire ministry. This conversation around coffee where questions and statements could quickly be clarified would be better. My statement about parents sometimes being able to deal with it first... I didn't state it well and I'm sorry to have hurt anyone. I would like to drop it and bow out. A few paragraphs are not a full representation of my faith, my testimony, my heart...

[wildswede]

I wasn't expecting the conversation to go that way either, book recommendations are wonderful though, I'm always looking for books to read. I'm always willing to learn more and concede that perhaps my experiences with similar ministries have been misrepresentational (is that a word?), but I have some experience and it hasn't been wonderful.

[mamacat]

Thought about you & our sweet guy this morning and wantedhttp://thoughtfulwomen.org/2016/02/17/boys-brain-starvation/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=Liftable&utm_conte nt=2016-02-18&utm_campaign=manualpost to share this

[wildswede]

Originally Posted by mamacat

Thought about you & our sweet guy this morning and wantedhttp://thoughtfulwomen.org/2016/02/17/boys-brain-starvation/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=Liftable&utm_conte nt=2016-02-18&utm_campaign=manualpost to share this

Thanks for the article, I wonder if supplements allow for proper absorption of those nutrients when kids really won't (or cannot) eat the whole food? At least he never says no to cheese! I will say that since this horrendous afternoon he has had some really wonderful days, there've been hiccups of course as there will be but this has been the closest to a "magic fix" we've ever had. He's looking forward to school now, he gets off the bus happy, he communicates more... today we ran errands and it was the first time since September that he has not wound up on the ground screaming and hissing and spitting, he didn't hit or scream once. We were using essential oils topically a few months ago and had an initial positive change and then right back to major behaviors. I got a diffuser a couple weeks ago, and have been diffusing some of his favorites in the evenings and that seems to making a difference as well... along with me choosing to respond immediately to changes in his behavior. Yesterday he was told not to throw a football in my classroom or it would have to go in my bag until we were home... well, he threw the ball in the classroom and it went in my bag and we left. He started spitting at me in the car and I had him get out immediately and ten seconds later he was ready to get in the car and buckle up without spitting. I was calmer, he was calmer (though not especially thrilled with me).

[ReedleBeetle]

Wow. Reading this was like stepping back in time. You perfectly described many, many days of car behavior with my son from 2 or 3 until 7 or 8. Many times of pulling over, getting out, letting the storm rage while I tried to gain calm. It got easier with practice. We made a lot of mistakes, we did a lot of things right, our son knows he is loved though no matter what and comes to us for help. He is almost 11 now (where did the time go!!?) and he rides beautifully in the car now. He no longer hits, kicks or spits. So.... There is hope for you.

Books that had valuable help for us:

Dealing with Disappointment
The Out of Sync Child has Fun
The Explosive Child
Your_____ Year Old for the developmental stuff only
Families Where Grace is in Place

There is one more I can't remember.

I scavenged positive parenting blogs for kids with attachment disorders, autism, and various special needs because even if it wasn't the same special need, the tools often helped.

Other tools that helped:

Velcro picture activity charts/schedules
A tangible chart of good behavior days and when enough days are attained, then the activity earned was done (say he needed 7 days of great behavior and choices.... It could take 7 days.... Or 27. No deductions for bad days.... Just adding up the good days and setting him up to see his success.)
A pocket sorting thing for frustration levels various activities cause. This was done as evaluation of frustration management.
When/then for tough activities or just helping them know what's coming.
Timers


Sometimes.... It's just one of those days. Pray to get to bed time then have a glass of wine, some chocolate, and sleep it off.


Oh.... Removing dairy was huge as well. *All* dairy for awhile. Increasing protein. And no artifical dyes at all. Limited sugar.

[heidiwilson2001]

We have major food issues, we are currently grain free. I have seen great changes with getting their sensitivities out. Corn and corn derivatives are a huge problem for us. Our chiropractor does Applied Kinesiology which uses simple muscle testing to check for food issues. Much more effective than traditional allergy testing. I also have a friend whose son wasn't talking and was having major senserory issues and the above has also worked well. Someone may have mentioned similar stuff, I didn't read all the comments. But thought I would share

Sent from my SM-G920T using Tapatalk

[wildswede]

UPDATE: Today, my son spent the first hour of his day back in general ed kindergarten without his one-on-one aide and did awesome! He's been in a self-contained classroom since February 1st and when we made the switch he'd been spending 90% of his school day with the principal or counselor or whomever was free, isolated from his peers, telling me how much he hated himself and hated school and never wanted to go to school... having panic attacks and diarrhea every single evening at home. He now begs to go to school, he says he wants to be at school forever and doesn't like no-school days. The past two Sundays in a row he has stayed in Sunday school and participated instead of running wild around the church. He is starting to tell me when he needs sensory support and seeks out ways to help himself. This has just reaffirmed for me how much of discipline and parenting is really related to kids having their needs met, to feeling safe, comfortable, a part of something, etc.

[Soliloquy]

That's wonderful!!!!!

[sweetpeasmommy]

[MamaRachel]

Glad for a good update!!!

[hollybells]

What do you think turned things around?