2 Kids, Patience enough for 1

[JenniferJuniper]

Hey mama's,
I could really use some advice. In October I gave birth to my darling little girl, and she really is wonderful, but very average in the amount she sleeps, cries etc.
My four year old (also girl) is testing every limit I have. Maybe it's because of her little sister, I'm not sure; but we homeschool so she gets lots of one on one time with me.
I feel like with the addition of our newest little one, my heart has grown, but the length of my patience has, unfortunately, stayed the same.
I can be so happy, then as soon as something comes up, my patience is GONE.
I hate how prickly and what a misery I can be. Somehow I lost my gentleness and sweetness.
The brunt being taken by my husband and my 4 year old.
I can't seem to get myself back to that peaceful place, where I can deal with issues like a normal person!
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

~ Jen

[MegMarch]

I only have one child. When she was four I was not sure we'd make it. She was delightful but seemed to be working towards a medal in button pushing

Is post partum depression or anxiety an issue for you? I know for me, depression doesn't come on as "stay in bed all day and be sad" so much as "every thing has me raging and I feel like I going to explode."

Since your child is only four, can I suggest you skip any attempts to homeschool? It would likely relieve some pressure and isn't necessary. Just do the stuff that you both enjoy and can do without any kind of stress.

[Johns_Gal]

That was very much how I felt when dd was born.

I think it was PPD but I did not realize. I encourage you to speak to your doctor or midwife or someone, because I so regret and miss the twenty months it took for me To feel like myself again.

[mamacat]

Enough B vitamins and Mag in your diet? It has only been 3 months. Offering that other arm to your dd when you are holding the baby and talking about what it was like when she was that age can help. The snuggles are a different one on one kind than school type.Since she is only 4 I would not be trying to do "formal" schoolwork with her right now besides reading both fiction and nonfiction for learning about things and talking about different letters you/she see and colrs and shapes and how many things right around you.

[greengirl19]

This is very much how I felt when G was 4 and Z was born. For me it was the start of PP anxiety/depression. I needed to be better at taking care of myself. The typically recommended supplements, omegas and herbs helped but mostly I needed to give myself a big heap of grace that it was ok to take a long (long, long, long) time to adjust. I didn't have to like parenting 2 kids, or even just one. You're also at a prime postpartum hormonal dumping time so it feels like everything is just compounded. I'd talk to someone about it and see where you can make adjustments

[Aerynne]

I felt like that every time I had a baby until they were about 18 months old.

The only thing I would say is:

1. You're homeschooling a 4yo. I hope that is super relaxed and feel free to relax it all you like, even down to nothing if that help your patience. A more relaxed mom is more valuable to a 4yo than any homeschool lesson you could teach her.

2. Just try to remind yourself that whatever the problem is is not an emergency (unless it actually is ). Kids have a way of acting like whatever they want is an emergency. You have a kid doing the equivalent of calling 911 for a paper cut all day long. It's not that you won't help them, but you have to see past how urgent they are acting like their request is and ask yourself how urgent it actually is. You'll get around to doing what they need you to do, but you don't have to jump to it. Sometimes my 3yo whines that he is hungry and I am right in the middle of some homeschool thing with my older kids. So I tell him "We'll have a snack soon" and get back to what I am doing. He carries on like it's an emergency but it isn't, and he needs to learn that it isn't. If he just ate breakfast he can wait for a snack. Obviously I do not apply this to babies and nursing unless I really need to put them off for some reason, but for older kids I do for sure. It's okay to be in charge- in fact your kids need you to be.

[mamacat]

Agree so much with everything Erin said .It takes far longer than 3 months to find that new normal.You are aking up to nurse at night.maing things as siple as possible is very best policy

[JenniferJuniper]

Thanks so much Ladies,
It could be hormonal, and I do need to start supplementing, I'm so bad at that.
I'm sure it will settle down, but I'd love to still be married and have my daughter continue to love me in the meantime!
I did order "Desperate" for my kindle, it looks like the type of inspiration I could use right now.
Our homeschooling is pretty relaxed, we have a couple of work books that we're going through, but I don't stress over it, because as a few of you have mentioned, she's still pretty little...
I have some vitamin D in the cupboard right now, I've been meaning to take it but keep forgetting, I should probably start there!

[mamacat]

make sure you have a K2 source with your D3

[2sunshines]

aw man, parenting is ROUGH. Seriously. Adding a 2nd child to the mix (and adding subsequent children) is such an adjustment for all. Hang in there. You'll get through it.

I still struggle with losing my patience and my temper and I'm 7 years post partum.

I have found that as trite as it sounds, being in the Word of God each morning has made a huge impact on how I relate to the kids. Also, understanding my own trigger points and figuring out how to avoid them.

[DahliaRW]

I know it's hard to fit in with an infant, but self care is soooooo important and will help with your patience too. Even something as simple as putting a show on for your 4yo (if she'll watch it) and taking 20 minutes to go read a book while you nurse.

[rjy9343]

Acupuncture and homeopathy are what saved me and my family this go round. We are still figuring out what our normal is and being able to deal with it had made all the difference in this transition.
One thing that really helps Ivy is when I have to do something for Ivy is to talk about how it's now Ivy's turn to eat or for help. He just had his turn or it will be his turn next. It doesn't really do anything for him or me, but Ivy hearing that she still counts and that she isn't always at the bottom of the list made a big difference in her behavior.
I also have made a point of making sure she sees how happy her brother is when he sees her and helped her play games with him so she can feel involved. She loves that and tells everyone how much her brother loves his big sister. She really enjoys showing people her newfound big sister skills.

[Little Forest]

The first time I had a 4 year old, I had a 2 year old and a newborn too! It was all very stressful. I was not always graceful but there were times. If I could go back in time and get a little more pitching in from DH back then it would have helped. Also knowing "it is a season."

[Kiara.I]

Originally Posted by JenniferJuniper

Our homeschooling is pretty relaxed, we have a couple of work books that we're going through, but I don't stress over it, because as a few of you have mentioned, she's still pretty little...

There is NO province or territory in which she needs to be schooled at the moment. There are many, many veteran homeschooling moms who will tell you that their number one mistake was doing too much, too early.

Now, if you're doing "school" because SHE loves it, wants it, and needs it, that's different: meeting that need is important. If it's for any other motivation, put the workbooks away for a while.

[WanderingJuniper]

Snippyness and sharpness was the beginning of my PPD. It took regular supplementation with A b complex, calcium magnesium, and vitamin d to help me along with reminding myself that grace is for me too. I also had to ask for help. We are not Kent to do it on our own. If that meant asking Hubs to be parent on duty for a bit when he got home from work or letting me sleep in on his day off. Even at 3 mos post your body is still recovering to its normal. Be gentle patent and one with yourself.