Yelling Support Thread

yes it does make sense!

Hi all! I am coming in to this waaayyyyy late! Read through several pages and thought I'd just jump on in. This was so perfect for me to stumble on tonight. I am such a yeller!!

I feel like the no-spanking thing just makes it worse. I can only "help them" do something they are perfectly capable of doing so many times before I get completely frustrated. I can only take the major attitude sass from my three year old and give her "scripts" or alternate responses, before I just seriously want to smack her. I can only handle the ALLLLLLL DAYYYYYY LOOONNNNGGGG whining of my two year old for so long before I am ready to scream! And um, I do! Through clenched teeth.

And many, many, many days....I think to myself how I hate being a mom, how I didn't want kids, and how there is nothing fun about this what.so.ever. And then just *thinking* those thoughts makes me think, yeah, I was right...(Big "adult" version of a tantrum???)

Seriously, guys, choking back tears, this is AWFUL!! I don't like this mom-thing at all!!! I would seriously love to put them in daycare and make them someone else's problem. And yet that would kill me too.

Anyway...I don't think I can stop yelling. I do okay for a few days and then MAJOR MELTDOWN. I don't want my girls to hate me....like I did my own mother...and I hated her growing up because of her harshness. I'm doing the same thing.

I keep thinking maybe it's just that they're 2...and 3? Not exactly easy ages? But then, there's probably something challenging about every age, and I seriously need to buck up and get used to it.

?????

Off to bed dreading the morning.

[swimming with sharks]

I'm sorry you're having a rough time.

Originally Posted by MommyInTraining

I feel like the no-spanking thing just makes it worse.

It sort of sounds like maybe you've swung too far to the other side. Could you be parenting permissively now? What other tools do you have in your toolbox?

Originally Posted by MommyInTraining

I can only "help them" do something they are perfectly capable of doing so many times before I get completely frustrated.

At two and three, if they can't do it, they can't do it. Their little bodies change so much from day to day that often there really are things they could do yesterday that they can't do today. Assign positive intent and try not to look at it like they're out to get you. I promise as soon as they really are capable of doing it and you move in to help them, they'll put up a big fuss about how they can do iy and don't need any help.

Originally Posted by MommyInTraining

I can only take the major attitude sass from my three year old and give her "scripts" or alternate responses, before I just seriously want to smack her.

It's ok to take a break from her. You can cool off in the comfort corner. When you're ready to speak kindly to me, then we can talk.

Originally Posted by MommyInTraining

I can only handle the ALLLLLLL DAYYYYYY LOOONNNNGGGG whining of my two year old for so

Off to bed dreading the morning.[/QUOTE]
You can hear whining? How awful! I can't After enough coaching and scripting, I move to try again w/o whining, Momma can't hear whining.

*Hugs* MommyinTraining - Sounds like you need some 'you time'. My homoeopath said that to me today. Not in those words exactly, she said it sounded like all of me had been swallowed up into the children & their needs. She said to try & make time to remember some of the things that I used to love doing & try & make time to do them, even with the kids but hopefully also without them at times.

Also, there's nothing in your post that really says this but being a perfectionist myself, I feel like I'm picking up a vibe of you wanting everything or some things to be 'just right'. I've found sometimes it's best to let some things go. I guess what brought it to my mind was you wanting your children to do things that they are perfectly capable of doing. Would it matter if those things didn't get done? & if it does matter are there other things that you can stop doing or streamline so you have more time to do what needs to be done?

[GlobalMama]

Blew it HARD last night. *sigh* Like, super duper hard. Bedtime was this massive ridiculous struggle. Two nights ago he stayed up until 11 because his mind just would. not. stop. he was on overdrive. I missed the window of opportunity to put him to bed because DH was really late coming home and a few other things. So it turned into psychosis. Then last night he wanted to stay up again and I was losing my mind. I'm so exhausted, I hurt my back picking him up all day long because he didn't want to get off of me once, I had a ton of work that I'm behind on because he was sick all last week. he gave me his cold so now i'm sick too. My fuse was already blown before bedtime started.

It turned into me yelling at him to go the beeping beep beep to sleep NOW, slamming the door and yelling more obscenities to the wall. Ugh. It was bad. Bad on a level that I never want to see again. I jsut completely and utterly lost it. I'm so incredibly burnt out, so pregnant, so tired, and so sick.

I realized after, when talking to DH, that I feel this way when i have too much on my plate. so, i've decided to let the housework go for the week and focus on catching up on the work that i missed last week when ds was sick. and i've planned for us to have some fun today baking (which he really likes to do). i think he is missing me because i'm so all over the place busy and hectic and honestly haven't been focusing on him very much

After I screamed like a person on a psych ward, I went in and apologized profusely, told him that yelling is never okay and that I should have taken my frustration out in another way. Then I slept next to him so he'd feel secure and he was happy this morning.

I on the other hand, am feeling very scarred at my horrid yelling. What a mess I am.

*Big Hugs* GlobalMama. Praise to God that He made our kids so forgiving You are a wonderful muma to snuggle up next to him.

[canadiyank]

We've been doing family Advent devotions every night and it's been really nice. The girls really look forward to it and we have some good (brief) discussions. I think it's helping our harmony as a family, too. I'd like to continue after Christmas but I'm not sure how...the candles and the stickers on the Advent calendar are a pretty big motivating factor.

[Daria_Aleksandrovna]

GlobalMama, big

How old is your kid? I take he's 1+ year old? Horrible age for bedtimes (even without stresses added on top), it will get better. At least you're not Babywise mama, even those can be smug that their kids sleep 7pm-7am...

Yay for being able to cuddle him to sleep - he went off to dreamland happy. It counts. Go easy on yourself meanwhile, yes.

[gpsings]

Feeling extremely ragey today, my hormones are all out-of-whack right now, and I've already screamed at the kids. They made a mess in the kitchen all over the floor and counters (specifically for me to clean up) and haven't done any morning work at all and I'm so ANGRY at the entitlement of this house, and one of the kids ripped into my husband's christmas stocking because I made the mistake of putting his favorite candy in there, etc etc.
I need to clean this house BIG TIME, but right now, under the circumstances, we need to get out of it before I blow up.
I can't even pull my head together enough to figure out where to go!

[dancingWNC]

Originally Posted by gpsings

Feeling extremely ragey today, my hormones are all out-of-whack right now, and I've already screamed at the kids. They made a mess in the kitchen all over the floor and counters (specifically for me to clean up) and haven't done any morning work at all and I'm so ANGRY at the entitlement of this house, and one of the kids ripped into my husband's christmas stocking because I made the mistake of putting his favorite candy in there, etc etc.
I need to clean this house BIG TIME, but right now, under the circumstances, we need to get out of it before I blow up.
I can't even pull my head together enough to figure out where to go!

Hug!
Sometimes just putting on coats and shoes and being outside in the yard, walking around the block, or running from one end of the mall parking lot to the other (in the back where not cars, obviously), etc. If it's not snowy/icy, send them on their bikes.
They need big movement to get all the energy out. Andthe fresh air might help you recalibrate, too?
Hug!
(a mama who's been there)

[gpsings]

Thank you...and especially for prayers. Feeling really shaky and 'on edge'...I'm feeding all of us right now, because mom cannot live on coffee alone, and then we'll go out for a while. I think being aware of my 'state of mind' helps me to withdraw from interaction a bit.

[justbreathe]

gpsings, what a rough morning. I really hope your day gets better.


My goal for the day is: Everytime I start to get too frustrated or overwhelmed, I'm going to sing Amazing Grace. So far it's working but I'm scared my kids are going to associate that song with mama's mad face.

[shaslove]

I yelled. A lot yesterday. I was so tired

[canadiyank]

Originally Posted by gpsings

Thank you...and especially for prayers. Feeling really shaky and 'on edge'...I'm feeding all of us right now, because mom cannot live on coffee alone, and then we'll go out for a while. I think being aware of my 'state of mind' helps me to withdraw from interaction a bit.

Yes, sometimes when I find myself particularly "edgy" I'll realize I've had hardly anything to eat that day. And I agree about the realization of the state of mind - really helps to be proactive then, instead of just responding to that.

[canadiyank]

Originally Posted by shaslove

I yelled. A lot yesterday. I was so tired

How's today?