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Old 03-04-2018, 09:29 PM   #1
Findingjoy
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 3
Findingjoy is a jewel in the roughFindingjoy is a jewel in the roughFindingjoy is a jewel in the roughFindingjoy is a jewel in the rough
Default Help with GBD with older children and large family.

Hi, I am new here and to GBD, and am struggling so much in my parenting at this point. We have 6 children 10 did, 8 ds, 6 dd, 4ds, 2dd,and newborn ds. I have been a flip flopsy mom when it comes to discipline pretty much forever. I never wanted to spank, but did end up going that direction for a while ( my husband believes in spanking) I would so often just threaten a spanking because I hated actually doing it. Then I tend to jump to yelling, which is how I was disciplined. Basically I haven't been consistent at all. I decided a few months ago that I would not spank anymore. I realized I could never not do it in anger, and it hurts me and my children's relationships.

So I stumbled across this site, and have been reading through the archives. But I still can't figure out what I should do. I have jumped from punitive and am at this point extremely permissive because I just don't know how to handle the situations at all. So I am looking for help on what to do so I can parent effectively. Our kids are for the most part very well behaved, especially in public but recently there has been a lot of anger and physical and verbal attacks towards each other. They can be so sweet and best friends with each other but then they turn around and there is so much anger.

The biggest aggressors are my oldest 2 my DD who is 10 and my son who is almost 9. They have some problems with the younger children, but especially with each other. My oldest is extremely bossy, and wants everything to be her way. She doesn't always force it on people, but just refuses to do what anyone else wants the majority of the time. Also she gets annoyed really easy at her younger brother for the sounds, movements, etc he makes. It's always been an issue as he has always just hummed or sung or just makes noises and she is extremely sensitive to that. In turn he is at the point where he just tries to annoy her and will poke her or bump her as he walks by, and make all sorts of noises just to bug her. And get her attention. He really likes to play with her, but she doesn't usually want to play unless she is in charge and this frustrates him. She is much more patient with her younger siblings. She is very sweet for the most part, and is usually the one to make peace in the end. She tries very hard to do good usually. So siblings fighting is a big issue in our home.

The next big issue is whining, there is so much whining! How do you handle this? It's everyone really but my 4 year old is especially whinny he has always been this way, and I really think it is in part a personality thing. He has improved greatly but it is still there.

I would also like to ask for prayers that I will not just give up, and have the strength to parent my group of children well. I have the tendancy to be a lazy parent. And I give up easily on things, which is part of my inconsistency. I think a lot of the time I just dont know what to do, so just do nothing. I get overwhelmed and just want to check out.
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The Following User Says Thank You to Findingjoy For This Useful Post:
kiloyd (03-25-2018)
The Following 5 Users Say they are praying for Findingjoy:
GlacierLily (04-28-2018), homesteadmama (03-08-2018), kiloyd (03-25-2018), Quiteria (03-05-2018), twoplustwo (03-25-2018)
 

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