Yelling Support Thread

[Dovenoir]

Does anyone find that when they're trying not to yell they're clenching their jaw or squeezing too tight?

I'm finding that those keep creeping up when I'm trying to take control of myself and the situation before someone gets hurt.

My worst is biting and trying to get DS to take his medicine

[Elora]

Originally Posted by Dovenoir

Does anyone find that when they're trying not to yell they're clenching their jaw or squeezing too tight?

I'm finding that those keep creeping up when I'm trying to take control of myself and the situation before someone gets hurt.

My worst is biting and trying to get DS to take his medicine

Yes. I can tell if I'm stressed over ANYTHING ...when I'm clenching my jaw or gritting my teeth.

Was it Ina May or some other birth guru that encourages women in labor to relax their jaw/mouth muscles ...yeah...it helps me in other areas, not just birth

[swimming with sharks]

Another hint that works well for me (when I remember to do it ) Is to take a situation where I tend to lose my cool and draw my boundary circle closer in. So if normally it takes me 5 times to start screaming that ds1 has not put his clothes/shoes/whatever on, and I know that. So this morning when I told him to put his clothes on, I was READY to help him if I saw no progress. I saw no progress so instead of making myself crazy (ier) I said, ds1 it's time to put your clothes on, here let me help you. I helped him and it was done. No screaming, I didn't lose my cool, and it was done and went on to other things. Because we didn't get off on a bad start, he went on to do his morning work with no problems, quickly and efficiently. If we start with a fight early he's less likely to be cooperative with me and getting his work done and that *REALLY* gets me irritated!

With things that set me off IMMEDIATELY, yanking/hurting the baby, etc I have a plan for what happens when that action happens. Person who did it is put on the couch for a break. I help/nurse the baby if he's upset. We discuss making amends and hurting others and when they're calm they can go back to playing. If I KNOW what I'm going to do when it happens (and it will happen because I can not be watching them EVERY single moment of every day I feel more calm and in control of the situation when I know WHAT to do .

Originally Posted by Cook

That is so hard! Our oldest has speech and social delays that mirror hfa. But he's made a lot of improvement He is sensory seeking and so very high energy (do you have a kid active trampoline?? I found ours on cl and love it for him lol) I always joke that I was pregnant with our third before our first hit his terrible twos Lovingly of course. I have no regrets. But I think God has really humbled me. God designs them and then He guides us through raising them. But we really have so much less to do with their personalities than we realize. And with high need kids, it can be so hard distinguishing where they need guidance and where they need space. There's just so much I can say about that It does make me yell. Which I'm really embarrassed about. Horribly. But kids are hard enough on their own - then you had a very different learning or active style and it's just... overwhelming to me anyway. Like trying to discribe the feeling of motherhood to someone- it's just too much involved to explain that journey.

I don't have a lot of advice on it because I struggle so much here. I don't stop seeking support. And I really try to give myself credit for needing it. It makes me *slightly* less hard on myself which does help me stay in control/focused more.

I am dealing with a very similar issue with my DS! That's one of the reasons I've come here. Punitive discipline/yelling has failed me with him and I'm at wit's end. I've been feeling like I'm doing it wrong for a long time but never known how to find the right way. But the daily struggles have led to me being grouchy on my everyday approach with him. It also makes it difficult to take him to the grocery store, which means getting food every week for my family is a struggle. I am starting from so many mindsets that have made parenting very frustrating.

[Cook]

Originally Posted by Pookamama

I am dealing with a very similar issue with my DS! That's one of the reasons I've come here. Punitive discipline/yelling has failed me with him and I'm at wit's end. I've been feeling like I'm doing it wrong for a long time but never known how to find the right way. But the daily struggles have led to me being grouchy on my everyday approach with him. It also makes it difficult to take him to the grocery store, which means getting food every week for my family is a struggle. I am starting from so many mindsets that have made parenting very frustrating.

Do you have support in place for your DS? I know we opted to use our county here. We didn't want to get a label for him (nother post entirely but think this is a very personal choice for parents and what ever they choose is what is best for their little ones<3) I know one of the BIGGEST helps for me was having someone to call when I had a recurrent struggle. His early intervention staff was so helpful. And they came up with ideas that I'd have not thought of at all.

This is a HUGE one for me: I yell less when I have MORE tools to guide behavior (And I think all of us feel better too, myself included)

---------- Post added at 11:18 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:17 AM ----------

Originally Posted by swimming with sharks

I feel more calm and in control of the situation when I know WHAT to do .

exactly!

[Dovenoir]

Originally Posted by swimming with sharks

With things that set me off IMMEDIATELY, yanking/hurting the baby, etc I have a plan for what happens when that action happens. Person who did it is put on the couch for a break. I help/nurse the baby if he's upset. We discuss making amends and hurting others and when they're calm they can go back to playing. If I KNOW what I'm going to do when it happens (and it will happen because I can not be watching them EVERY single moment of every day I feel more calm and in control of the situation when I know WHAT to do .

Great plan.. would be wonderful to impliment with a verbal child. The biter is 14 months. Right now I'm trying to be there to remove her and explain "No biting people. Bite this toy."

The medicine is just a wrestling match. holding down both arms, keep head from turning, tongue from pushing out and lips from raspberrying, feet from kicking and hips from lurching. hahe.hate.hate it but hate him being in pain too.

[Cook]

Dovenoir, can you hide the medicine? I had to do that with mine for a long long time :P

[Dovenoir]

Originally Posted by Cook

Dovenoir, can you hide the medicine? I had to do that with mine for a long long time :P

How do you hide 2 ml of zantac in anything? He doesn't take a bottle and flavoring does nothing for it.

[Drew]

I've only read the first page but I'm subbing so that I remember to come back and read the rest.

[Tandem mama]

Originally Posted by Pookamama

I am dealing with a very similar issue with my DS! That's one of the reasons I've come here. Punitive discipline/yelling has failed me with him and I'm at wit's end. I've been feeling like I'm doing it wrong for a long time but never known how to find the right way. But the daily struggles have led to me being grouchy on my everyday approach with him. It also makes it difficult to take him to the grocery store, which means getting food every week for my family is a struggle. I am starting from so many mindsets that have made parenting very frustrating.

you've come to the right place. I've grown so much as a mother, wife, friend, and child of God since finding gcm. The women here are supportive and knowledgable.

[Cook]

Originally Posted by Dovenoir

How do you hide 2 ml of zantac in anything? He doesn't take a bottle and flavoring does nothing for it.

Hmm... Applesauce or yogurt? With dd I used to follow her around with one of the smaller syringes. Like the one ml size. And we'd be playing and then I'd randomly put a little in her mouth. It was rough rough going for a while. For a med that makes them feel so much better, it sure doesn't taste good Our doc told me to do it that way though, even though she's just getting a small fraction at a time, it's still getting in more than when I'd try to fight her to take the whole thing

[joyinthejourney]

I lost my voice for a week, two weeks ago, and I can't tell you how much that helped me!!

That, and my dh, who doesn't yell, told me to try to stop (before I'm angry) and ask myself if it's really worth the anger and guilt l feel afterwards. He said he'd much rather that we have the problem of being too easy on them, and having to tighten up later, than to go too hard now and regret any damage it's caused. Sobering thoughts.

In the week I lost my voice, I tried to wait for a pause in their shouting to get close to them, touch them, and say something seriously enough to get their attention. Because, there was no volume to help me be heard, my tone, choice of words, and timing had to be carefully considered.

Originally Posted by Cook

Do you have support in place for your DS? I know we opted to use our county here. We didn't want to get a label for him (nother post entirely but think this is a very personal choice for parents and what ever they choose is what is best for their little ones<3) I know one of the BIGGEST helps for me was having someone to call when I had a recurrent struggle. His early intervention staff was so helpful. And they came up with ideas that I'd have not thought of at all.

This is a HUGE one for me: I yell less when I have MORE tools to guide behavior (And I think all of us feel better too, myself included)

---------- Post added at 11:18 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:17 AM ----------



exactly!

I haven't had anything and I'm not sure how to go about doing it. Our doctor we use for the kids is more the 'oh well kids will be kids' type without actually helping. I have been thinking of switching docs to a more knowledgeable pediatrician but that would mean going to the next town over (a 30 minute drive) so I've been postponing it. All through my parenting journey there's been nobody else I know with a spirited kid in real life until this year so it took me a long time to figure out he was actually different and not just a result of my parenting methods (which I know still need help but seeing the other kids grow up was a huge hint that something was different about DS.) So I finally sat down and read "Raising Your Spirited Child" and it was like somebody turned a light bulb on. I'm slowly making changes but there's a lot to learn!

So where do you even start with getting outside help?

[Cook]

Originally Posted by Pookamama

I haven't had anything and I'm not sure how to go about doing it. Our doctor we use for the kids is more the 'oh well kids will be kids' type without actually helping. I have been thinking of switching docs to a more knowledgeable pediatrician but that would mean going to the next town over (a 30 minute drive) so I've been postponing it. All through my parenting journey there's been nobody else I know with a spirited kid in real life until this year so it took me a long time to figure out he was actually different and not just a result of my parenting methods (which I know still need help but seeing the other kids grow up was a huge hint that something was different about DS.) So I finally sat down and read "Raising Your Spirited Child" and it was like somebody turned a light bulb on. I'm slowly making changes but there's a lot to learn!

So where do you even start with getting outside help?

The Out of Sync Child offers a lot of good perspective on sensory integration which I tend to think has a lot to do with kids energy levels. Most high energy kids are low registration or seeking. They are trying to fill a need for motion and physical input in order to organize their neurological processes and feel "normal" - Lots of what we do even as adults is to stimulate or reduce sensory input and regulate according to our own individual needs. That was the biggest first step for me. Of course a kid who is "low registration" is going to continue doing things in spite of a spanking or yelling. They almost prefer such elaborate interactions That's why incorrect gurus get it so wrong. Much of "discipline" only reenforces behavior *and* insistence that it is the will of the child that is the problem for lack of success, they encourage parents to only continue longer with unsuccessful methods. The more I've learned about sensory integration, the more tools I've been able to develop on my own for helping ds's behavior.

Even with that, being able to pick up the phone and call someone is huge. Is there a county program like babies can't wait or help me grow? You can pm me if you want ( not trying to disclose too much about locations in the public thread but services vary by area) Some places will offer advice and support even based on a child's energy level or sensory struggles.

[canadiyank]

Having a rough day today. Not sure why. I feel very, very tired.