Mamas that are "Messies" Support Thread

[Maggirayne]

Originally Posted by Kiara.I

I prefer the "develop one habit at a time and stick with it" method. Now, if I could just *DO* that...

I'm a huge fan of "a place for everything and everything in its place." It's just that...well...I actually don't know how to figure out where things should live. I think maybe I need to invite my ex-messy friend over to help me. She can just look at me with that faintly "tsk" sort of expression and say, "That should live in *this* place." And I'll think and and wonder *why* I couldn't have figured that out for myself. But at least it will thereafter have a home.

If you can't find a place for yep, get rid of it. and yes, it's hard. My MIL helped me organize my kitchen when we moved and wow! It really helps to have someone who can see. And Let Go of Clutter was good, she had several questions to ask about why do want to keep stuff and for sorting paers, it helps to have someone who can hold paper up and say stay or go and let you think for i forget, not very long, like 5-10 seconds.

BUT it does not help to have help packing/decluttering, etc., if that person makes you feel shamed, b/c then you'll retreat and hide and want to keep everything. Or else get rid of stuff you regret.

I have to be in the right mindset for help, otherwise I'm overwhelmed and frustrated and feel pushed and trampled.

Originally Posted by peridot

I have to get up when the washer finishes. Then I'm not allowed to sit down until I've done three things. That's probably going to be- start washer again; make coffee; work until the coffee is done brewing.

Blah, I don't even get one thing done, usually.

[Peridot]

aww...


I exhausted myself yesterday- and still have oodles of work to do. What I wouldn't give for a nice latte to curl up with right now.

[mipennsn]

Since we just moved, we have a garage FULL of stuff that needs to find a new home. DH ordered a dumpster (the town we live in you can get one for free 4x a year, how cool is that). The "plan" for this weekend is to work on the garage and try to be able to at least move in there. This means I need to be willing to find homes for things, declutter and throw away all over the space of 2 days. I got burned out doing that packing so it should be interesting today. Plus we are going to be gone most of the morning to a family carnival and DH and l like to watch college football and the game is at noon today. If I can get to one part of the mess by the game, I can work on that part while we watch the game (piles of clothes in laundry baskets that need to be put into the appropriate size tubs).

The house has stayed "pretty" neat so far since we don't have a lot in the house right now and I would love to keep it that way, but I know it is not going to happen. Must get routines set up for everyone...

[duckwithoneleg]

i want to clean: NEVER.

if it was just laundry and dishes, i still wouldn't want to... of course ... and that's why i never do. and that's why when i DO get to it, it's a huge project. i gotta reorganize our room, do laundry and dishes, uuuhhhh... something about the bathroom that i'll remember later maybe...

reorganize the craft room thingy, put the books on the bookshelf (yeah... i'm still not totally unpacked from moving months and months ago )

motivation though. is like trying to nail jello to a wall.

how do you get motivated? it would help if i thought i had a judgemental friend coming over soon ... last time that happened i got so much done!!!

[mipennsn]

I hear you on that. If I know my mom or sister is coming over I am way more motivated. On a day I really wanted to knit I don't let myself until get some cleaning done. Saturday I knew I needed to get some sewing done so we got some cleaning done then I knew I could sew in peace.

[Peridot]

Ducky- 'nailing jello to the wall' is a perfect and precise description of trying to motivate myself.

Maybe we should start a 'visit a gcm and pretend to be judegemental' day.



I got the whole diningroom mostly clean today becasue I thought Maximus' teacher was coming.

[duckwithoneleg]

Originally Posted by peridot

Ducky- 'nailing jello to the wall' is a perfect and precise description of trying to motivate myself.

Maybe we should start a 'visit a gcm and pretend to be judegemental' day.



I got the whole diningroom mostly clean today becasue I thought Maximus' teacher was coming.

for real!

though i probably wouldn't feel actually judged enough to actually do anything

[Benjaminswife]

Hi my name is Julie and I am a messie. I want to be someone who just can't rest until the house is clean but it just isn't that way. I feel like I didn't learn how to keep house at all growing up so everyday since I have gotten married I try to do the best I can. I am a lot better now than I use to be. I figure in 20 years maybe I will have it figured out.

I hate clutter but I also ignore it.
I make myself do the dishes everyday and the laundry almost every day. Everything else I am still trying to figure out.
I love the feeling of a clean house, love it.

My house growing up was super cluttered all the time. I never wanted to invite my friends over I don't want my kids to feel like that but it is hard.

[Peridot]

First of all- Hi! and then

and then, Grace is for Mommas too, you know. It is really hard to teach yourself how to do something that a) you aren't naturally inclined to and b) was never modelled or taught to you.

Some people are naturally cleany. They see a mess and know instantly how to attack and resolve it. I'm not.

I just thought of something, y'all. In the past, and currently in other cultures, families lived more communally. Auntie pounded out the millet while Grandma-in-law stirred a big pot of something, while the men and boys older than 6 went to the fields to toil and sweat and get nice tans. Guess what Mommy got to do? Sit in the shade and nurse that sweet baby. And then strap the baby to her back while she did some stuff, and then when the baby needed to nurse again, it was fine. When Mommy needed to take a nap, cousin so-and-so could watch the toddlers while you curl up with the baby.....and another cousin-so-and-so shook out the dust mats. And when you needed to go to the bathroom? Somebody was around to hold the crying baby so you could take a ' dump in peace and quiet! (Sorry.)

DH says I'm over-idealizing that communal life-style and that there's no way I'd tolerate having all those people around me all the time. But at this point in my life I think I'd give up electricity and chocolate if there was just somebody to play with the 3 y.o. while I took a quick nap. Or an extra pair of hands to hold the baby while I took a (rare) shower so nobody's standing outside the shower curtain screaming.

At any rate, what I'm getting at is this.

We cook our own food.

We clean our own homes (every so often).

We take care of our children.

Sometimes we take care of our husbands.

We do laundry.

We do shopping.

Some of us homeschool.

None of us sleeps enough.

Each of us does the work of at least 3 people. Sometimes when DH is home, I think even two adults isn't enough! Somebody still needs something NOW and we can't do it.

I think we're doing pretty good. We're doing well for doing the amount of work we have to do.

I know, sometimes we look at other people in other cultures and think, "Man, if I had to go to the river and hand scrub my clothes....." But what we forget is that while they're at the river hand scrubbing their clothes, there's other people around to help keep an eye on their kids, and there's somebody at home sweeping out the mud hut----everybody shares in the work.

We Americans are so independent we can do everything all by ourselves.

Anyway, I think we need to give ourselves a break (preachin' to the choir here) and realize we're doin' the best we can.

[Benjaminswife]

Really good points

[Peridot]

Lin , you're absolutely right. Yes, there was more pain and more deaths proportionally, but there were also no toys with 800 peices plus batteries. They daddies did a lot of parenting- especially of boys because there was a lot to teach them about being a man.

For example- I just tore ligaments in my ankle- and I am struggling to find people to come and help me with my kids! Even MIL and FIL are 'too busy' and live too far away to come for any length of time.

We sacrifice a lot for our single family homes, and electric appliances.

[duckwithoneleg]

Originally Posted by peridot

Lin , you're absolutely right. Yes, there was more pain and more deaths proportionally, but there were also no toys with 800 peices plus batteries. They daddies did a lot of parenting- especially of boys because there was a lot to teach them about being a man.

For example- I just tore ligaments in my ankle- and I am struggling to find people to come and help me with my kids! Even MIL and FIL are 'too busy' and live too far away to come for any length of time.

We sacrifice a lot for our single family homes, and electric appliances.

i wish i could help

[graceandmercy]

Originally Posted by peridot

First of all- Hi! and then

and then, Grace is for Mommas too, you know. It is really hard to teach yourself how to do something that a) you aren't naturally inclined to and b) was never modelled or taught to you.

Some people are naturally cleany. They see a mess and know instantly how to attack and resolve it. I'm not.

I wish I was one of those naturally clean people! Sadly, I am not at all.

[passionatemom]

"I know, sometimes we look at other people in other cultures and think, "Man, if I had to go to the river and hand scrub my clothes....." But what we forget is that while they're at the river hand scrubbing their clothes, there's other people around to help keep an eye on their kids, and there's somebody at home sweeping out the mud hut----everybody shares in the work."

"For example- I just tore ligaments in my ankle- and I am struggling to find people to come and help me with my kids! Even MIL and FIL are 'too busy' and live too far away to come for any length of time. "

"We sacrifice a lot for our single family homes, and electric appliances."

This stuff really has me thinking. Part of the problem is also that we can't trust or don't know our neighbors. Or that most of our neighbors work, so are not home to help us. A "single-family home" community is, basically, less communal. Also, the lives of many people in our culture are too rich with opportunities and options, so people feel like they are "too busy" to help out. Because they have to take their kids to soccer practice, and go to Bible study, and pottery class, etc. to "enrich" their lives. There's nothing wrong with Bible study, of course, but how many people got to indulge in more than maybe weekly services out on the farm 100-200 years ago? If your neighbor needs help, is your Bible study really more important? Or were they too ashamed to even ask, b/c they know you're so busy, and aren't we all supposed to be independent around here?

Just a bunch of thoughts. I wanted to throw them out there.

But, I bet even when we lived multi-generationally and more communally, there were still messies and cleanies. Some people just instinctively know what to do with a mess, or what task to do next, or how to fit something into their limited time, and some of us stand there and go, "ummm, ummmm, I don't know how to fix this!"

(Sorry, I couldn't figure out how to multi-quote, and might miss my opportunity to respond if I take the time to look it up.)