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Old 11-22-2017, 06:51 PM   #16
Virginia
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Default Re: Snapchat?

Quote:
Originally Posted by expatmom View Post
Actually parenting teens is very different then working with them. I know; I work with teens and now parent teens. A lot of the confidence I previously spoke with has been moderated by life experience as a parent.

If your mindset is to ban, that is actually in direct opposition to openness. I don't parent from the mindset of what can't my teens do and how do I stop them. Our household isn't rules based. The OP posts regularly on how to keep track of her teen and how to prevent him from making choices she wouldn't. That is a rules based approach and it shuts down communication. In a very short time a teen becomes an adult. I parent from the approach of giving maximum choice and self autonomy with a huge safety net of mom. I want my kids' boundaries to be driven internally by their own convictions. We talk and talk and talk. Sometimes they do stupid things. I treasure the fact that when they do, they will come to me and tell me and look for my support or assistance.

Snapchat is a dumb app. It will have its life and then another annoying app will take its place. I remember when my eldest was plagued with msn messenger problems and we parents railed against how awful it was. Does anyone even know what it is now? Our kids are going to see and hear things on this world and need tools to deal with them. Banning an app sends the message that we don't trust them to deal with crap and I think that a 15/16 yr old needs to be developing/practicing those tools. I am grateful that my dd who is away at uni had a few years to practice at home with me for support.
Did I imply teaching teens and parenting teens were the same? I don't think I did.

I'm just saying that parents can have open relationship with their teens but still not allow them to have some pieces of technology (for me, it was AIM in high school). I feel like you implied (and perhaps I misunderstood) that the two couldn't coexist, and even though I may not have parented teens yet, I don't think that's true.

I don't think parents who say, "You may not have Snapchat" or "You may not have Instagram" don't have open, trusting relationships where they talk about stuff Perhaps their philosophy is just that they want to have boundaries, they want their teens to be in the world but not of the world, they don't want to have their teen be susceptible to sexting and getting genitalia pictures sent to them- whatever the reason, I do not think it means they don't have good relationships And I thought that is what you were implying. Forgive me if I am mistaken

ETA: If the OP has a different parenting approach than you do, I think that's ok It also means that perhaps your approach works for your household, which it sounds like it does but it wouldn't work for every household.
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Last edited by Virginia; 11-22-2017 at 07:17 PM.
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Old 11-22-2017, 07:19 PM   #17
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Default Re: Snapchat?

I hate Snapchat. For reasons Virginia listed. But I don’t ban technology for 16+ and we’ve allowed Snapchat at age 14!

We don’t ban things for our older teens at all. I thought what Lisa said. My parents barely knew who my friends were much less what I was writing them and talking about. I feel blessed my dd has shared so much of her life but we don’t expect her to share everything.

They are well aware sending an inappropriate picture can result in a sexual felony in our state. They know a juvenile sex offender and know how much that has limited their lie. They are aware of the law and that the law abt electronic communication is subject to interpretation. They are aware at 16 they could be tried as an adult.

Once given responsibility for a car I feel they are ready to self regulate on social media

The teen years are scary, very scary. Teens are illogical and can be difficult. My kids have messed up and continue to mess up. Thank God no mistakes have had long term impact. Every day I pray theyd love god. I pray Id find out if they mess up And that their mistakes would not be life altering.

But honestly what expat mom said really rings true. In 7 months my daughter can leave the nest. I want her ready
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Old 11-23-2017, 04:14 AM   #18
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Default Re: Snapchat?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soliloquy View Post
I laugh about the hiding if they really want to. When I was a kid we had land lines and pen and paper. There was no record of my phone calls or even caller ID! My parents had no idea who I talked to on the phone.
I KNOW! I think about that all the time! LOL.

Quote:
Originally Posted by expatmom View Post
I want my kids' boundaries to be driven internally by their own convictions.
THIS is the key. Getting to this point can be exhausting and difficult and sometimes scary. But I absolutely agree with this statement.
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Old 11-23-2017, 06:20 AM   #19
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Default Re: Snapchat?

I AGRee 100% abt boundaries and abt internalizing. it is hard. But Iím still working really hard to give it to God. Iíve recognized at a certain point it becomes their responsibility to work out their faith with us to offer prayer and guidance.


Something I recall all the time is that judging a parent based on kids behaviors and beliefs is like judging Jesus based on Christians behaviors and beliefs. For a long time as a 19-24 I rejected god because of Christians treatment of me. As a parent, when I see a struggling kid I immediately pray for the parent and recognize that it maybbe nothing theyíve done. Iíve watched amazing connected parents have children walk away from them. Iíve walked Punitive Controlling parents with amazing kids. Same w abuse- Iíve seen adults from abusive relationships become amazing godly people. Iíve seen people
From abusive Relationships become pedophiles.

When it Comes down to it, itís really up To our children and God. We must ďraise our Children In The way they must goĒ but ultimately itís between them and God.

When I get scared and try to Control Them, I preach this to
Myself.
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Old 11-23-2017, 06:35 AM   #20
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Default Re: Snapchat?

I love that about judging Jesus by the behavior of Christians.

We allow Snapchat. I’m not a fan mostly because “I”don’t get it but I’ve seen how my daughter uses it and that i don’t have a problem with.

I do think there are better options for group communication especially for teens who seriously do not remember details five minutes after they receive them.
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Old 11-23-2017, 11:13 AM   #21
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Default Re: Snapchat?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soliloquy View Post
I laugh about the hiding if they really want to. When I was a kid we had land lines and pen and paper. There was no record of my phone calls or even caller ID! My parents had no idea who I talked to on the phone.

I find it odd that ROTC world use such a silly app for something relatively important like communicating schedules and meeting times. The whole point of it, it would seem, would be to streamline communication while still keeping a record. Facebook is much better for that because a closed group page has a calendar and will automatically send everyone reminders. Any scheduling conflicts can be discussed, etc.


---------- Post added at 06:13 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:07 PM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by SonshineMama View Post

When it Comes down to it, itís really up To our children and God. We must ďraise our Children In The way they must goĒ but ultimately itís between them and God.

When I get scared and try to Control Them, I preach this to
Myself.
I need to preach this to myself too.
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Old 11-23-2017, 01:06 PM   #22
Virginia
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Default Snapchat?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soliloquy View Post
I laugh about the hiding if they really want to. When I was a kid we had land lines and pen and paper. There was no record of my phone calls or even caller ID! My parents had no idea who I talked to on the phone.



I find it odd that ROTC world use such a silly app for something relatively important like communicating schedules and meeting times. The whole point of it, it would seem, would be to streamline communication while still keeping a record. Facebook is much better for that because a closed group page has a calendar and will automatically send everyone reminders. Any scheduling conflicts can be discussed, etc.


For me, itís not so much about hiding but about being prematurely or inadvertently exposed to things because of the way Snapchat stories work. Like, I am an adult, and I have still seen things on my own friendsí Snapchat stories that I didnít want to see
People can also send you a ďprivate snap,Ē and you donít know what it is until you open it. So it could be an unsavory photo.

So yeah, maybe we could hide behind landlines and handwritten notes, but I couldnít sext or receive unsavory photos on a piece of notebook paper or landline...and once I see something, I am the kind of person who canít unsee it.

I donít think as many teens have Facebook nowadays They seem to think itís mostly for ďus old peopleĒ haha.

I agree that using Snap for ROTC just seems really silly and unwise. I get that itís fun. But it isnít the best choice for communication, imo.

I do think if a parent is going to let a kid get Instagram or Snapchat, they should also create an account so they really understand how it works


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Old 11-23-2017, 01:39 PM   #23
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Default Re: Snapchat?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Virginia View Post
I donít think as many teens have Facebook nowadays They seem to think itís mostly for ďus old peopleĒ haha.
Very true. Both of my teens have informed me of this. I tell them that clearly it is a young and chic app since I have it.
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