I think I'm done with a messy house

[Singingmom]

I do remember getting to a point where I could look at a child's mess separately from other house cleaning needs and not let it stress me. I knew that at some point that day the child would clean it up, maybe with my help, but it wasn't my job at that moment. It helped me to be able to concentrate on and be satisfied with the jobs like kitchen and bathroom maintenance being under control. I'm not sure if that's helpful.

[joysworld]

I honestly can't picture ever missing their messes when they are grown.

[Sparrow]

Yeah. I won't miss the messes. I remember before kids the only messes I had to clean up when I got home from work were sometimes rinsing breakfast dishes!! And there weren't 4 or 5 loads of laundry a week. Two. Our clothes and towels.

I've never adjusted well to the extra work load at home and I think WOHM deserve an annual parade for having to do both. Because when WOHM, and DH stayed home I was doing both.

[SamRose]

Have you tried confiscating anything left on the floor (or table or counter or whatever your problem area is)? I do that now, and it had more weight when it was new & scary , but at least there's no real fuss when something gets taken away & put in the 'confiscation bin' now. They can earn stuff back by doing an extra chore, but honestly they have enough stuff that they rarely miss what's gone. And THAT right there is a good way for me to prove the 'you have too much stuff' point, as well as saying if you dont take care of your things it tells me you no longer want them. Then I have a 3 strikes rule that if an item repeatedly ends up in the bin from being left on the floor, it's gone. (donated or sold)
It's not a magical fix, but it's helped some.

[joysworld]

I have confiscated things, and they dont miss them.

I'm trying points. I came up with a list of chores that I like cleaned and assigned them points. Then I came up with a list of things the points can be used on. I told them about it last night and we started this morning. And it's working. They've cleaned their rooms, cleaned up after breakfast, empty dishwasher, picked up their toys from around the house (anything of theirs I had to pick up cost them a point), cleaned up the water off floor from their bath. They are really excited about the points.

I've had a chance to really clean the kitchen. Picked it up, cleaned off the countertops and table, swept, cleaned some of the baseboards, cleaned outside of fridge, clean some areas on the wall. Then I vacuumed living room and hallways. Feel really nice.

[jandjmommy]

Kids adapt to the expectations of the household. DD had been making unholy crafty messes in multiple areas of the house for years. She went to my mom's house for a few days. Grandma handed her a box with fabric, scissors, and thread, showed her the one place she was allowed to sew, and told her that when she was done every last snip of thread had to go back in the box, and showed her where the box goes. Magic.
Clean straight through. Flitting from phone to getting dressed to calming kids to breakfast to starting laundry to checking computer to...is inefficient. Get everyone to clean for 30min straight through in the morning -after you've had your coffee but before the day gets away from you. Start off clean and you have a better chance of at least some of it ending clean. Like when you go into a friend's immaculate bathroom. You leave it as you found it, right? If you go into a grimy Texaco bathroom and your paper towel misses the trash can you may or may not pick it up.

[Findabhair]

Originally Posted by jandjmommy

Kids adapt to the expectations of the household. DD had been making unholy crafty messes in multiple areas of the house for years. She went to my mom's house for a few days. Grandma handed her a box with fabric, scissors, and thread, showed her the one place she was allowed to sew, and told her that when she was done every last snip of thread had to go back in the box, and showed her where the box goes. Magic.
Clean straight through. Flitting from phone to getting dressed to calming kids to breakfast to starting laundry to checking computer to...is inefficient. Get everyone to clean for 30min straight through in the morning -after you've had your coffee but before the day gets away from you. Start off clean and you have a better chance of at least some of it ending clean. Like when you go into a friend's immaculate bathroom. You leave it as you found it, right? If you go into a grimy Texaco bathroom and your paper towel misses the trash can you may or may not pick it up.

Theoretically but I think visiting somewhere is somewhat different than being at home because I grew up in a house with an OCD mom who needs spick and span everything in it's place, and as a child my siblings could turn a perfectly tidy room at home into a complete pig sty in a matter of moments, and I had organized piles of art/ art supplies and laundry all over my bedroom floor a lot of the time which drove my mom batty. However I'd offer to clean up at other people's houses.

[jandjmommy]

Originally Posted by Findabhair

Theoretically but I think visiting somewhere is somewhat different than being at home because I grew up in a house with an OCD mom who needs spick and span everything in it's place, and as a child my siblings could turn a perfectly tidy room at home into a complete pig sty in a matter of moments, and I had organized piles of art/ art supplies and laundry all over my bedroom floor a lot of the time which drove my mom batty. However I'd offer to clean up at other people's houses.

I always think I'm explaining myself better than I am. What I mean is, kids are really not the cause of our messy houses. We are the ones who allow them to leave messes by modeling leaving messes, ignoring the messes left, and/or not teaching them how to clean up their own messes.
I am way too uptight to be OCD but DD I swear literally cannot see the havoc she trails around. Until my mom got her to pick up I honestly thought it was a lost cause - that I'd walk hunched over to pinch up threads and buttons and rubberbands until she grew up and moved away. It has taken a lot of time to teach her to craft at the dining table or in her room. When she cleans up she will still miss some. But she's training herself to look more closely because she reeeeeeally hates it when I ask her whether she looked under the table. She's not on automatic but she's close, and there has been no squelching whatsoever of her astounding creativity. She makes just as much stuff as ever, but now she cleans it up. Me not holding her accountable was the problem, not her making a mess. Making messes is awesome. Cleaning them up is necessary!

[movinforward]

It is very hard! I am right there with you. My kids are 12, 12, 7 and 5 and I feel like it is nonstop clean up at our house. I try to celebrate the small successes. For example, if clothes are continually going into hampers, instead of on floors, I am extremely happy. Last week, I found 10 pairs of PJs in my DSDs' beds - We had a talk about it and for the past week, they have been placing PJs in the hamper I think you just need to keep reminding - praise them for successes and find a workable situation. Can you take time in the eve, after boys go to bed, to clean up the kitchen and quick pick up? For me, starting the day with a clean kitchen is a big relief. The kitchen, for us, is the easiest thing to get out of control and it will drive me crazy. I cannot function in a dirty kitchen. Hang in there, I feel your pain