House cleanliness standard for hospitality

[charla]

I've been thinking about this quite a bit. I'd love to have more people over, but I think I may have a ridiculously high standard of house cleanliness which makes having people over not possible very often. It's interesting because there is a huge discrepancy of what I expect for my own house than what I expect when I go to other's houses.

So for my own house I feel like the living area must be dusted, vacuumed, furniture vacuumed (cause of the cat) and everything put away. The kitchen spotless - cabinets, counters, sink, appliances, rug, floor, etc. and everything tidied. The bathroom spotless as well - toilet, sink, mirrors, dust, floor, but not necessarily the tub/shower unless they are overnight guests.

If I'm visiting someone else's house, it doesn't have to be dusted or tidied or vacuumed or spotless by any stretch of the imagination.

I need to pare my standard down to something more reasonable so I can enjoy having more frequent guests. So if you were coming to my house for dinner or an afternoon visit, what would be your minimum standard of cleanliness?

[DahliaRW]

I will start this by saying I have the same issues!

Other people's houses don't gross me out, usually. For me, if things are decently clean I don't mind. So floors vacuumed within the last couple of days (or swept), a little day to day dirt is to be expected. I don't mind dirty dishes on the counter within reason, but if all of the kitchen counters are filthy and covered with smelly dishes, that would be a problem. Clutter on countertops and side tables and such does not bother me at all (i.e. stacks of papers or books or the like).

I guess the things that bother me are things that scream "I haven't bothered with cleaning in the last month" rather than day to day messes and hard to deal with things (like clutter) that are to be expected.

[SamRose]

Here's the thing: just like you dont expect so much from others, they likely dont expect so much from you. If you cant bring yourself to relax your personal standards to as low as you accept from others, find a happy middle ground at least. Maybe skip the dusting and just throw a blanket over the couch so ppl dont sit in the cat hair? (Id appreciate that, as dh is allergic)

I have lower standards for what I expect than what I give as well, so I understand. I feel like it makes my guests feel special & valued to know that I put thought & effort into their visit, but I also know that my closer friends understand what life is like for a homeschooling mom of 4 young kids, and if a visit reveals more mess or clutter than normal, no biggie.

In general, if somebody is inviting me to spend time in their home, Id expect that their place not be filthy. Id appreciate not having to step or sit in yuckiness all over. If you invited us over for dinner, I would hope there would be clean dishes.

[blondie]

I'm the same way.

[Codi]

I have the EXACT SAME problem!! I want to sweep, mop, wipe down everything, nothing be out of place, flowers on the table/counter, bathroom scrubbed, etc, etc, etc...when I am having guests over.

But if I go to someone else's house I don't judge or look around to see how clean it is. Messy doesn't bug me at other's houses, filthy can.

To me:

Messy = normal day-to-day life stuff, kids toys around, laundry here or there, papers on counters, some crumbs on the floor, etc.

Filthy = urine all over the toilet/bathroom, sticky nasty floors and counters that are not clean enough to eat off (well, floor doesn't need to be clean enough to eat off of ), etc.

I know I have ridiculously high standards for my own house but I still don't regularly meet them and try hard to let some things go when guests come over because I have heard that people can actually feel uncomfortable in a home that is spotless when they come over. It needs to feel more "homey" and lived in for maximum comfort.

[Carini]

I'm the same way. I have gotten WAY better since having DD. Before DD, I would deep clean pretty much the entire house. Plus fresh flowers, candles and the works before I had people over. I'm still pretty particular about the way my house looks for parties or even when my parents come to stay. I've relaxed a lot for play dates and friends with kids.
Still, when we have friends over all surfaces are clear, bathroom wiped, floor vacuumed and mopped and kitchen spotless. I can relax more and enjoy my guests if the house is clean and comfortable to my standards.

I don't expect that at other people's or even notice if the floor is vacuumed.


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[Daria_Aleksandrovna]

Okay, if you want to be freaked out into more cleanliness - I do twitch my nose at old moldy bathrooms that should have been re-caulked ages ago. Mold grosses me out fast.

Kitchen/reception, dirty plates lying around - not batting eyelid, however

We definitely all need to chill out more, instead of putting more competitive pressure on each other))

[mamacat]

We have some friends and family members that it is ok with not being "company ready" and then others would only have over if was up to a certain standard

[KarenBoo]

I really like what this blog post has to say about it. And I'm going to break the link because I don't know what else she talks about on her blog.

http://dugansincahoots.com /2014/01/23/we-cant-be-friends/

[sunflowermom]

I tend to have different standards for different visitors, how long we've lived at that location (we have moved pretty frequently in the past few years) and also how often they visit and how long they will be staying.

When someone is coming over for the first time I try to have things quite clean & tidy. If it's someone who visits more often and knows that the house is generally in 'acceptable' order I don't worry and do quick spot checks. If the person is staying with us overnight, I try to clean areas they'll be using a bit more thoroughly than usual, but not overboard so they'll still feel comfortable and not like they have to act like they're in a museum.

I enjoy having people over and so does my DH. I'm the type who gladly invited people who lived in larger homes to my dorm room in college for microwave meals and/or cookies and milk parties. I miss those days!

I'm a bit more cautious about inviting some people into my home now than I used to be. I tend to be more concerned that they won't think our house is 'nice enough' as opposed to 'clean enough' now that we should theoretically be more established than right out of college or newlywed.

[LikeQuietDreams]

I really struggle with this as someone who struggles with housekeeping in general. I've literally gone years without inviting any one over, because the house never felt company ready.

My standards now are that nothing is stinky, the floor is reasonably clean and swept, the bathroom is mostly clean and not stinky, the kitchen counter and table are wiped off and clean, and I have enough clean dishes to be able to offer a snack or a drink.

It still bothers me, but I'm intentionally trying to be okay with it. Between lowering my standards and implementing some HTCI stuff, I'm starting to feel more comfortable.

[Auroras mom]

Close friends are allowed to see our daily stuff - laundry being done, dd's messes/toys, a few dishes from the previous meal, but anyone else and I feel I must have the entire house spotless and shiny.

[sweetpeas]

Haven't read the other replies yet, and don't really have an answer to your question, but wanted to throw 2 thoughts out for you (and anyone) to ponder

1) When I was younger/newly married, freaked out more about such things, I based how clean MY house had to be, on how clean someone else's house was. So if we visited someone and their house was spotless, then I freaked out and had to have my house spotless to have them over. If I visited someone's house and it was cluttered/lived in, then I relaxed and happily said "stop by anytime!" Guess which of those groups led to better friendships . . . I was insecure, eventually it hit me, others might be doing the same thing, so why not take the first step (plus, then I had spirited twins and a dh who was gone 12+ hrs a day, if you could walk through the house w/o breaking your neck, I was doing good that day!)

2) When the twins were toddlers, a young, overwhelmed mom who'd recently started attending our babywearing group, stopped by my house to pick something up. She barely stepped in the front door, but I was running an online buyers co-op and had turned my living room into shipping central, the kids had toys all over the entryway . . . by then, it didn't even phase me (and that part was GOOD compared to if she'd come on in to the kitchen & family room) that was our normal. Later she e-mailed me to thank me for what I'd given her, and she also gushingly thanked me for having a messy house. She had been feeling SO discouraged because whenever she went to a playdate or babywearing meeting or anything, the house was perfectly clean, and she could NOT keep her house like that and felt like she was the only one. . . that was really eye-opening to me, to realize that sometimes, in our striving to impress others, we discourage, instead of encouraging. . . and also helped me to let people see how we "really live" instead of some fake level of perfection.

[charla]

Those are some really good points, LaRee.

[Codi]

I think about those things often.