House cleanliness standard for hospitality

[charla]

I've always felt like I was alone with this problem and I should have known there is a whole sisterhood out there.

KarenBoo, I like the sentiment of the blog post quite a bit.

I need to process more before I can respond to anything else, but I'm so grateful for all of your observations.

[ECingMama]

Yes, the House that Cleans Itself has helped me so much. I hate that I've been a perfectionist.

It's nice to have people over.

[LikeQuietDreams]

Originally Posted by sweetpeas

She had been feeling SO discouraged because whenever she went to a playdate or babywearing meeting or anything, the house was perfectly clean, and she could NOT keep her house like that and felt like she was the only one. . . that was really eye-opening to me, to realize that sometimes, in our striving to impress others, we discourage, instead of encouraging. . . and also helped me to let people see how we "really live" instead of some fake level of perfection.

This is such a good point. A local gcmer and I started having regular playdates over a year ago. At first, I think we both cleaned like mad-women before every get-together. But then as we got to know each other better, we realized that we were struggling with the same thing. That took some of the pressure off, and we slowly started letting down our walls a bit and not stressing as much about cleaning up for each other. It's been really refreshing for me, not only to not have to fake a super-clean house every time she comes over, but also to not feel like a failure stacked up against her. We're both real moms with real homes full of real people. Our homes don't look like magazine spreads, and that's okay. I actually think that is what jump-started my lowering my expectations... I just felt so relieved that I could be real with someone.

[jandjmommy]

My standard to have guests over is ridiculous. Even once people are here, I will go fix something I forgot, like wipe down a lightswitch. For other people's houses, I don't care much as long as I can breathe (cat allergy and sensitive to odors). If you are offering me food, I do hope the kitchen appears sanitary and I do notice whether you wash your hands before dealing with food.
I want to know why we all can't keep our homes clean regularly? I have such a problem with day to day stuff, but growing up we went in and out of so many houses with no notice and everyone's house was Always clean! Not necessarily perfect, but definitely clean and uncluttered. Do we just have too much stuff now? Or too many screens to keep us from basic housekeeping? What is it, do you think?

[ECingMama]

Originally Posted by jandjmommy

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I want to know why we all can't keep our homes clean regularly? I have such a problem with day to day stuff, but growing up we went in and out of so many houses with no notice and everyone's house was Always clean! Not necessarily perfect, but definitely clean and uncluttered. Do we just have too much stuff now? Or too many screens to keep us from basic housekeeping? What is it, do you think?

Now that I de-cluttered (for the 4th time in 4 years) and my kids are 4/6, my house *is* staying clean. I didn't run in and out of other people's houses when I was 4-6 and certainly not when I was younger than that. By the time, kids are elem age, I think it's easier *if* you have a a working system. And that's about the age that kids start running in and out of neighbor's homes, right?

House that Cleans Itself helped me figure out a system that works for *me.* So thrilled!

[jandjmommy]

Originally Posted by ECingMama

Now that I de-cluttered (for the 4th time in 4 years) and my kids are 4/6, my house *is* staying clean. I didn't run in and out of other people's houses when I was 4-6 and certainly not when I was younger than that. By the time, kids are elem age, I think it's easier *if* you have a a working system. And that's about the age that kids start running in and out of neighbor's homes, right?

House that Cleans Itself helped me figure out a system that works for *me.* So thrilled!

haha, we weren't by ourselves - I mean with my mom/parents dropping in on friends, taking food to people, picking kids up to play....I do agree that it's much easier to keep up now that my kids are "big". Baby time was easy too. It was that time between 2 and 4 when they're big enough to make big messes but not big enough to thoroughly clean up that was my worst time for sure.

[ECingMama]

Originally Posted by jandjmommy

haha, we weren't by ourselves - I mean with my mom/parents dropping in on friends, taking food to people, picking kids up to play....I do agree that it's much easier to keep up now that my kids are "big". Baby time was easy too. It was that time between 2 and 4 when they're big enough to make big messes but not big enough to thoroughly clean up that was my worst time for sure.

yes, 2-4 is the worst!

I make sure my house is spotless if people are coming over....I don't have any friends where I'd just drop by....but I am looking forward to that era!

[mommychem]

My DH's aunt was in town and wanted to stop in to see us. I spent most of the day hoping she would change her mind about coming but tidied a bit here and there. I was also in the mid to late stages of pregnancy and oh.so.tired with my first boy. When she said she was on her way over, I ran the vacuum cleaner and picked up more stuff. I was exhausted. She arrived and walked in and I kept cleaning even while she was there. (House was much more unkept than I liked because I had already been to the ER for a hemorrhage during the pregnancy and my DH wanted me to take it very easy for the rest of the pregnancy though he was working crazy overtime and couldn't help with the cleaning). DH's aunt begged me to sit down and stop cleaning. She said, "I didn't come to visit your house, I came to visit you." She then told me how when she was a single mom, she lived in the projects with a mattress in the living room where she slept with her kids. She told me how blessed I was to have the house that I had. It definitely made me reflect and relax my standards a bit.
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[JulAmber]

Tell me more about this House That Cleans Itself. I'm intrigued!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[LikeQuietDreams]

Originally Posted by JulAmber

Tell me more about this House That Cleans Itself. I'm intrigued!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Here's a link to the book. It's all about recognizing that some people are naturally gifted at housekeeping and some are not. It's all about working with your natural habits instead of against them. Domina posted a very detailed book review... you might want to do a search for it.

http://www.amazon.com/House-That-Cle...+cleans+itself

[ForHim]

My house is always clean-ish. I used to be absolutely petrified of people coming over and it used to really stress me out. I never knew other people noticed, until DH let it slip that one of our friends was visiting. She told him not to tell me because she knows how I stressed about the house being spotless. And apparently she was not the only friend / family member who did this.

It changed me a lot. Now I clean for us because we are worthy of having a clean house. Not that I've every lived in a messy house, it has always been picke up, dishes washed, and bathroom has always been spotless. If people drop by, that's fine. I don't lift a finger to clean anything. This is authentically us. We enjoy our house, We enjoy our things. We look after our things. And I am blessed to have family and friends who want to visit. If they have a bad impression, that's on them, but I am at peace that I am dong the best I can for my family. If that means, the washer is leaking water all over the floor (again!) and my daughter is happily playing in it, so be it!

[mommy2abigail]

That sounds reasonable to me, and what I like having done before official guests. Sometimes my neighbor comes over unannounced, but she's got 4 kids under 6, so she totally understands!

[peekaboomama]

I try. I'm not a housekeeper though. For most people, my standard is no clothes lying around, few if any toys in the middle of the room (they may be kicked right to the side...), and the bathroom quick wiped down with vinegar spray. My best friend doesn't get that much , but then she comes in without calling/knocking too.

I used to be petrified to invite people over because my house is SO not magazine worthy, but I've come to value the fellowship more than making a good impression It's been freeing.

[Virginia]

We live out of the way, so we don't get many visitors When someone is coming to visit, even family, I want the house spotless

But...I think I'm a little different than you guys If I go over to someone's house, I totally notice if it's dirty. I don't necessarily judge them or anything, but I definitely see the cobwebs in the corner, the dust on top of the ceiling fan blades, etc. I don't mean to It just happens

[BriansLovie]

Originally Posted by Virginia

We live out of the way, so we don't get many visitors When someone is coming to visit, even family, I want the house spotless

But...I think I'm a little different than you guys If I go over to someone's house, I totally notice if it's dirty. I don't necessarily judge them or anything, but I definitely see the cobwebs in the corner, the dust on top of the ceiling fan blades, etc. I don't mean to It just happens

This made me laugh!!! Now I guess I better clean like a mad woman before you come visit some day!

I struggle with this. I'm not a great housekeeper and it bothers me a lot. I always freak out about cleaning when someone comes over. I worry about what they think of me. But I think I need to just relax because I am a mother who can't do it all and I have three boys and a husband who pee on the floor sometimes. .