A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5

wow thanks, somehow we seem to forget this....

[Sihaya48]

So glad to have found and read this thread now, when my oldest is 18 months. We are getting to the point where it seems like many other adults expect him to be growing up and doing things I'm in no hurry for him to do yet. It's getting to the point where it's hard to go to playgroups or the playground without being constantly on alert and feeling judged for either under- or over-parenting him (I often feel like other parents think I'm doing both!).

This is a great concept to keep in the front of my mind and not rush DS or any future babies into growing up too fast. Incidentally, I remember 7 being the age that I changed significantly. My memories from after that time are clearer - less emotional and more reason-based. It just makes so much sense to me!

I likes that. I will only have three "babies" for a few more months when ds turns 5!

And I agree it is less stressful when I lower my expectations!

[phathui5]

That makes sense. I've always thought of one and two year olds as walking babies anyway.

[Beth1231]

This helps me so much tonight. Since Hubby and I have been talking about having another child, I've been feeling like I need to move Anina out of the "baby" spot slowly to make room for another baby. But after reading this....it's a relief to my heart that my two year old can still snuggle with me to sleep, she doesn't HAVE to potty train this summer if she isnt' ready, I can still hold her as much as she needs it and on and on.

[Ajani]

As an infant grows the brains two hemespheres start forming connections- these connections make it possible to integrate information and create complex thoughts- these connections are not "mature" until the age of 7-10. So she was saying that until these connections are made- we a) need to expect that children won't always be able to access information we think they know b) need to be their connections for them by modeling and coaching

What a wonderful reminder. Our son will be 5 in November, and I really feel like there is a huge difference between having a 4 year old and having a 5 year old. I was never able to put my finger on it until reading this thread. And what I've quoted is something I need to commit to memory. Thank you.

I LOVE this thread! It's too bad that this is thought to be a radical idea and not the norm.

[macksmom]

This has been perfect for us. DH especially was willing and on board when Mack was an infant. But now that he's 2 there's been some pressure to expect him to be more mature. Learning this was very timely as now we don't have to feel that should be a huge expectation change between 1 1/2 and 2 yo.

[Llee]

[QUOTE "you know, when they give you that look, and they know they are doing the wrong thing, and they do it anyway" and I'm going "this is a human being who was just BORN 18months ago, has only the barest basic language, motor and mobility skills, and you are expecting him/her to have a fully formed sense of right and wrong??" Anyway, all that to say, thank you for this thread, it is very interesting and it's great to see the concept fleshed out.[/QUOTE]

Thank you for pointing this out. We've started talking about "the look" and giggle Baby Gurl gets when she's pulling on something she shouldn't and I wondered what was actually going. Must tell dh about this too! We'll get even more odd looks for not getting upset with her about this, but oh well. Much easier to change my thinking to the reality of her development rather than spending my time with the "No".

[keepinghome]

Just thought I would post the link to Samuel Martin's book that has been mentioned in this thread since I just found it. "Thy Rod and Thy Staff They Comfort Me"

It looks really good! I'm so excited to read it!!!

This was one of the first posts I read on GCM and I'm very thankful for it.

I like that concept. seems very natural. I love the way other people can write ideas that I agree with that I could never think to word correctly myself. awesome

[olivegod2]

Thank you for posting this! This is refreshing for me to read. I need to be more more patient with my almost five year old because she is still indeed little. I am discovering that I have been putting a lot of expectations on her subcontiously and sometimes she gets overwhelmed. I think because of her age she is "supposed" to be able to this and that. But sometimes seh is and sometimes she isn't. I need to keep this in mind everyday so I can show more gentleness to her!

Thank you again!

[eternaloptimist]

Thank you for this great post. I'm so very happy to have found this site! I came to attachment parenting by accident. I had never heard of it, but intuitively felt like everything was wrong about traditional approaches when I had my baby girl. I was nursing on demand, co-sleeping, babywearing and generally taking a very sensitive and gentle approach to her needs without realizing there was a name for what I was doing. I've gradually learned more and more - and now I feel like a kid in a candy store on this site! Thanks again!

wow i really like that. it really helps put things in perspective and having that mindset already makes me feel more patient! thanks so much!