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Old 04-17-2012, 10:49 AM   #1
Elibellamiah
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Default I think I just need prayer

I posted a while back about sleep issues with my 2 year old. I'm really desperate at this point. I'm going to have my baby in the next 2 to 4 weeks and I can't be up every couple of hours with 2 different kids. If Dh tries to get up with him in the night he screams hysterically for me. He has to lay down with me and rub my hair to fall alseep, which I kind of like and don't mind doing, the problem is he only stays asleep for maybe 2 hours. I can't sleep all night in his bed with him, in fact at this point I can't sleep all night in a bed at all. I'm more comfortable on the couch because I need the support of the back of the couch. I tried putting a mattress down next to me for Jeremiah, but he refuses to sleep on it, he has to be physically touching me all night long, and not just me leaning down and holding his hand, his body has to be pressed up against mine and he has to be able to rub my hair. He's been awful the last few nights since I decided I can no longer handle going up and down the stairs to him at night and need to be on the couch. I initially lay down with him, but like I said he only stays asleep for about 2 hours. After that he has been screaming for hours, only sleeping for a little bit at a time, trying to sleep on top of me on the couch, kicking and hitting me, trying to sleep standing up next to the couch so he can rub my hair, falling asleep on the floor after throwing a huge screaming fit, or squeezing next to me and trying to sleep half falling off the couch. He would be fine sleeping in my bed with me, but there just isn't room there with Dh and I need to sleep on the couch anyway, otherwise I basically can't walk when I get up. I'm terrified for what he's going to be like when I'm in the hospital. And even though I'll be back in my bed I'm still very concerned for when I come home with the baby, having him sleep in my bed and kicking Dh out is not a reasonable long term solution or something that he is willing to do. To be honest Dh tends to be selfish about his sleep and insists his sleep is more important than mine since he works. Although he has gotten up in the night with our other kids at times and would be willing to help at this point but Jeremiah won't have anything to do with him. I'm feeling hopeless about this. I completely rearranged all of the furniture in our stupid tiny bedroom the other day so that I could fit a crib mattress down on the floor for Jeremiah and now I know it's not going to work anyway. I cry everytime I think about it, I don't know what to do. He doesn't nap either, except if he falls sleep in the car or occasionally on my lap and he wants to be held or sit on me and rub my hair nearly all day it seems. Maybe I should just chop it all off. I dont' know how I'm going to care for a newborn and him.

---------- Post added at 09:49 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:43 AM ----------

By the way we've never "coslept" so not I'm trying to change something that has been his long-term routine. This all happened after he got some teeth 6+ months ago, he had been going to bed on his own with a stuffed animal and doll, but with the teeth coming in he was up off an on all night and suddenly formed an attatchment to my hair and I haven't been able to get him to sleep without me since.
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Last edited by Elibellamiah; 04-17-2012 at 10:52 AM.
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Old 04-17-2012, 11:33 AM   #2
raining_kisses
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Default Re: I think I just need prayer

No idea mama, but just know that crying in the arms of daddy is not the same as CIO.

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Old 04-17-2012, 11:50 AM   #3
bec28
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Default Re: I think I just need prayer

Just some encouragement hopefully. When ds was about 26months old, we moved him to his own bed and room to sleep as I was due in February and knew all four of us couldn't be in the same bed. I had always done all the night time parenting, and ds always cried when dh tried to take care of him in the middle of the night too. So I was worried about how it was going to go when baby born.

Well, ds is sleeping better then he ever has it took a few nights for him to get used to daddy getting him back to sleep, but now, if I try to get him back to sleep, he wakes up instead of going to sleep he was even sleeping all night most nights, till he started getting his 2 year molars.

All that to say, it might go so much better then you can imagine now. I was so worried about it, and scared, but it all worked out I'll be praying he starts sleeping for daddy

Oh, who puts him to bed? That was the first thing we changed. Dh started putting him to bed in the evening and then when ds was used to that, he started going in to get him back to sleep if ds woke up in the middle of the night.
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Old 04-17-2012, 12:32 PM   #4
Elibellamiah
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Default Re: I think I just need prayer

Sometimes he falls asleep on Dh and then gets put in bed, otherwise I put him to bed by laying down with him. I should probably stop laying down with him, it's hard because I enjoy that time with him, I just can't do it all night long which is what he expects.
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Old 04-17-2012, 03:06 PM   #5
MercyInDisguise
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Default Re: I think I just need prayer

Is it possible to shift to DH laying with him to go to sleep. He might accept his comfort a little more easily in the night if he gets in this habit. Also, Cate is right. Crying in the arms of a loving daddy is nowhere NEAR cio. It may feel like it to you at the time. He may feel angry and upset and frustrated, but not scared or abandoned.
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Old 04-17-2012, 03:13 PM   #6
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Default Re: I think I just need prayer

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Old 04-18-2012, 06:34 AM   #7
Elibellamiah
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Default Re: I think I just need prayer

Dh offered on his own to put Jeremiah to bed last night, but unfortunately his patience with the screaming and being told to go away lasts all of 2 minutes before he gets angry, says something like "FINE! I don't know why you hate me so much!" and storms away leaving Jeremiah to me all night. Crying with Daddy is not going to happen.
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Old 04-19-2012, 04:14 PM   #8
marbles
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Default Re: I think I just need prayer

I do all the nighttime parenting most of the time because Daniel works a swing shift. Crying in daddy's arms doesn't work here either. I was in a very similar situation before DC was born and it didn't work out until after he came, I actually slept with Lucca the night my labor started and put her to sleep 4 hours after he was born. So I understand how you are feeling
What worked for us was changing how she fell asleep. It was a loooong week because I had a newborn too so I don't suggest waiting until then! I did the "I'll be right back, I have to go get the baby" then I would turn my back to her and tell her she had to lay on that side of me while I nursed the baby. I started taking longer and longer to get the baby and she learned how to go to sleep on her own. Then at night wakeups I started getting up right before she fell asleep, until I would come in, tuck her back under the covers, say goodnight and leave again. It was slow and gradual, but changing how she fell asleep really made a big difference in nighttime sleep.

Eta: there were tears. But I always came when she called me and I didn't let her cry if I could tell she couldn't get over it herself. There's a difference between "I don't like this" and "I need you" tears. She didn't like the changes at first, but then she took ownership of her room and kicked the baby out. I went with the baby and she was happy. Now she generally puts herself to sleep and sleeps all night.
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Last edited by marbles; 04-19-2012 at 04:20 PM.
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Old 04-20-2012, 03:26 PM   #9
Elibellamiah
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Default Re: I think I just need prayer

I figure it's some form of cry it out, but I've decided I have to get him sleeping on his own now. So the last 2 nights I gave him his stuffed dog that he's been liking lately, a water cup, and his Elmo blanket and told him he needed to go to sleep and that I couldn't sleep with him anymore. I rubbed his back and left and sat right outside his room with the door open. He cried and I went back in after a couple of minutes and he calmed down and I said I needed to leave and I went and put a load of laundry in. He cried again and I comforted him again. Then I went out one more time and sat by his door and he fell asleep. It seems awful but really it's taking about 15 minutes at the most. The first night he didn't wake up in the middle of the night. Last night we woke up once and I just gave him his dog and water and rubbed his back. He cried when I walked out of the room and I was thinking I would do what I did earlier to put him to bed, but I barely sat down and he was asleep already, so he only cried for like 1 minute after I left the room.
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