overbearing siblings

sonshine456 · 07-02-2012, 12:40 PM

i have a 5 yr old, 2.5 year old and a 4 month old. they love their baby sibling TOO MUCH. I'm so thankful there's no jealousy issues but the constant wanting to love on baby is driving me nuts and I'm not sure how to handle it. I have a fussy baby who is overstimulated VERY easily so it's hard to create moments for them to hold him or play with him where they don't set him off crying (it doesn't take much). I've made a no touching rule when baby is in the swing which is followed pretty well. But everywhere else I lay him down or even when he's on my lap is fair game to them (as they see it). I'm CONSTANTLY telling them to get back, don't touch, leave him alone, that's too much..he doesn't like it, etc, etc, etc. In the moments when i'm not needing to save baby from them RIGHT now...i'm always showing them, making a point of see, he likes it when you just talk to him, he likes it when you talk quietly, he likes it when you hold his hand...in an effort to get away from saying the "don't"'s. They're not in any way trying to be mean or upset baby. They just REALLY love him. They want to be so close to him and touching him and talking to him and even the talking to him is too much because they have to be in his face and i swear they don't take a breath between their words (it's quite obnoxious to listen to). I've said a number of times...you don't get to be by him anymore because you're being too much but that doesn't seem to really matter to them either. I want to have boundaries without discouraging their love for him. I HAVE tried distractions...that doesn't last long enough and it's not fixing the problem. Help?

Amy · 07-02-2012, 01:38 PM

Can you try setting up specific times when they kids can "play" with the baby? Maybe a few minutes before or after each meal and before bed. And the rest of the time is off limits. Can you wear the baby so he's up a bit further than what they can reach?

Aisling · 07-02-2012, 01:50 PM

"I can see you want to show her love SO much. I love that about you.

The best way to do that right now is to give her the gift of space and time alone.

"

We also sing the old Mr Rogers song "There are Many Ways to say "I love you". "There's the giving space way to say 'I love you!' There's the giving space way to say I care about you...."

It's super healthy in that it teaches children that part of relationship is giving space, and that "love" is about the other person and their needs.

They'll be rewarded with a more affectionate baby who likes them a ton more, too.

Carini · 07-02-2012, 07:38 PM

What about a special picture book of the baby for each sibling? Or a new doll named after the baby that they could love on?

07-02-2012, 12:40 PM	#1
sonshine456 Seedling Rose Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 34	overbearing siblings i have a 5 yr old, 2.5 year old and a 4 month old. they love their baby sibling TOO MUCH. I'm so thankful there's no jealousy issues but the constant wanting to love on baby is driving me nuts and I'm not sure how to handle it. I have a fussy baby who is overstimulated VERY easily so it's hard to create moments for them to hold him or play with him where they don't set him off crying (it doesn't take much). I've made a no touching rule when baby is in the swing which is followed pretty well. But everywhere else I lay him down or even when he's on my lap is fair game to them (as they see it). I'm CONSTANTLY telling them to get back, don't touch, leave him alone, that's too much..he doesn't like it, etc, etc, etc. In the moments when i'm not needing to save baby from them RIGHT now...i'm always showing them, making a point of see, he likes it when you just talk to him, he likes it when you talk quietly, he likes it when you hold his hand...in an effort to get away from saying the "don't"'s. They're not in any way trying to be mean or upset baby. They just REALLY love him. They want to be so close to him and touching him and talking to him and even the talking to him is too much because they have to be in his face and i swear they don't take a breath between their words (it's quite obnoxious to listen to). I've said a number of times...you don't get to be by him anymore because you're being too much but that doesn't seem to really matter to them either. I want to have boundaries without discouraging their love for him. I HAVE tried distractions...that doesn't last long enough and it's not fixing the problem. Help?

07-02-2012, 01:38 PM	#2
Amy Rose Trellis chocolate distraction Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 1,802	Re: overbearing siblings Can you try setting up specific times when they kids can "play" with the baby? Maybe a few minutes before or after each meal and before bed. And the rest of the time is off limits. Can you wear the baby so he's up a bit further than what they can reach? __________________ ISFJ Mama to: ds1 (8/05, ADHD/ODD) dd (11/07) ds2 (4/11) Married to (since 12/97) No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of anyone who isn't trying." ~ unknown

07-02-2012, 01:50 PM	#3
Aisling Deactivated Even artichokes have hearts! Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 33,230	Re: overbearing siblings "I can see you want to show her love SO much. I love that about you. The best way to do that right now is to give her the gift of space and time alone. " We also sing the old Mr Rogers song "There are Many Ways to say "I love you". "There's the giving space way to say 'I love you!' There's the giving space way to say I care about you...." It's super healthy in that it teaches children that part of relationship is giving space, and that "love" is about the other person and their needs. They'll be rewarded with a more affectionate baby who likes them a ton more, too.

07-02-2012, 07:38 PM	#4
Carini Rose Trellis If you don't stop naming nuts.... Join Date: May 2012 Location: Funky Town Posts: 3,448	What about a special picture book of the baby for each sibling? Or a new doll named after the baby that they could love on? __________________ ISTJ Wife to J - 2004 Doops - 10/2010 Sweetie Girl - 7/2014

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