help me with my comfort corner

[ArmsOfLove]

I try not to look at behavior as defiance (though I do sometimes ) but I try to figure out the feelings/issues underscoring the behavior. If I remember that I'm on their team it helps me to drop the power struggle--usually it's something like them not thinking I understand the situation or that I'm not hearing them. That doesn't make the behavior okay! It does mean I can teach them how to properly communicate the real issues. One child the other day was melting down and throwing a fit and doing the opposite of what I told them to do. I finally asked them why they were treating me that way and the answer was, "Because you will help me," and the look on their face was so clearly desparate. I told them very strongly to put down everything and get over there and hug me--and they did--for a very long time. After which they felt better, apologized, and were able to tell me what was really wrong (totally unrelated to anything that had happened).

I don't let my children out when they are ready to *say* something, they can come out anytime they are ready to *be* cooperative and respectful and with other people. I do use our couch as a temporary down time to get your act together and come out when you can apologize and they are able to say it right away but not with a bad attitude :P The CC is a life skill--it's taking a break and regaining your composure, recharging, changing your attitude--it's not time out