meltdowns

[esperanza]

We have had some epic overtired meltdowns here recently. Must be turning three. Obviously prevention is the best medicine, but for the sake of this post, let's say that ship has sailed. Ds has been a pretty easy going kid, but we've had so many of these meltdowns recently. He gets so upset and perserverates on something (tonight going back to the park).

Things that I've tried that don't work- offering to nurse, reflecting his feelings, praying out loud, gets more upset if I leave him, lightly holding him/restraining, distracting, singing, encouraging deep breaths. Is there anything else I can try? At this point it's just waiting it out. It can be quite intense, and he can't calm himself down for anything.

We don't have any rescue remedy. Is it a dissolving pill? I think he'd get more upset if I put something in his mouth.

[MegMarch]

At that age, it is so much just getting through it. Outside the moment of meltdown, you can do a LOT though. Model your own methods of dealing by narrating things like taking a break or breathing deeply or whatever. Talk about feelings and act them out, silly as you can. Be very over the top. "I'm so HAPPY!!! Can you make a happy voice with me?" Daniel Tiger has resources that kids can easily remember.

And it will feel like nothing is working. It takes time for them to mature into being able to do anything but freak out in moments of big feelings.

During the meltdowns, you can try to speak at their level. "Mad! Mad! You want trucks. You really want trucks and are MAD." Don't reach his level of crazy, but get close. Once you are close enough that he actually hears you, repeat a few times and ease your voice a bit at a time and then introduce some reason. "You want trucks and we have to put them away. We can play again tomorrow. I'm going to start with the red truck now, park in the toybox."

When mine was absolutely nuts and couldn't break out of the meltdown, I'd do playdoh or strip her down and give her a very warm epsom salt bath.

[Little Forest]

Rescue Remedy is a spray. I have never found it too effective though even though I wanted it to work! Worth a try? But normally I find I just have to ride out the meltdowns.

[Soliloquy]

RR comes in a spray, a lozenge, and a liquid. You don't have to put it in his mouth, the scalp is great, too.

Waiting it out is what we had to do. It's hard, I know.

[ValiantJoy07]

With meltdowns I find they end much more quickly if you validate once and then move to recovery mode.

What do they need? Most likely space to get all the frustration out. I validate their feelings once, hold them if they aren't escalating and just try to be this puddle of peace underneath them. Just sitting there letting them have it out. If they are escalating and trying to hurt me I set them some where safe "You are hurting me, I won't let you do that." and I go to the kitchen and make them a snack. I set the snack in their line of sight (but not close enough for them to reach over and chuck, and preferably some thing in a zipped bag and lidded cup) and often turn on a video or a story and leave them be until it passes. Because honestly at that point it's all about helping them relax so they can either fall asleep, eat some thing, or do whatever they need to to get unstuck.

The absolute key is to remember: you can't fix it. Nothing is going to work to fix it, you just have to let them work it out. It what makes the preschool stage so draining, they aren't babies any more, milkies won't fix it. Snuggles won't fix it. Mommy can't fix it and it's a terrible realization for every one. But if you work on tools when they are calm, eventually it gets better. Around 5 in my experience.