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Old 01-25-2017, 11:16 AM   #76
Maedchen
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Default Re: Need help dealing with Church Nursery

I am and have been open to going and if I don't agree with something or think that scripture says something else to point it out if the class is open for discussion.

If you go with the realization that you might learn something good and have to wade through muck it should be fine.

If you don't have the emotional energy to deal with possible conflict, then I would skip it for now.

I figure that the teacher/preacher is human and puts their socks on one foot at a time just like I do, so I can with the best of them if they say something I think is wrong. LOL
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Old 01-25-2017, 12:05 PM   #77
MegMarch
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Default Re: Need help dealing with Church Nursery

I think the title of that book and the culture of your church combined could really cause distress and fear in someone still figuring out what their parenting goals are I mean, you can definitely parent with a goal in mind and that goal being "strong Christian adult" or similar is fine. But it feels like there's a big pressure to parent towards an impossible goal of a specific kind of Christian adult (ministry, along with the other expectations in your denomination or specific church.)

So for me, in your shoes, I would pass since that would set me up to feeling so much fear about the future that I couldn't parent well in the present.

I think too that the Bible doesn't spend a lot of time talking about parenting. It does have a lot to say about how to treat others, how to treat our brothers and sisters in Christ, etc. I think when we can see children as people, we can see many guidelines for how to interact. That doesn't mean there's not room for learning about parenting but, imo, that is as much about learning about child development and ourselves as specifics of "what to do."
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Old 01-25-2017, 12:25 PM   #78
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Default Re: Need help dealing with Church Nursery

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Originally Posted by MegMarch View Post
I think the title of that book and the culture of your church combined could really cause distress and fear in someone still figuring out what their parenting goals are I mean, you can definitely parent with a goal in mind and that goal being "strong Christian adult" or similar is fine. But it feels like there's a big pressure to parent towards an impossible goal of a specific kind of Christian adult (ministry, along with the other expectations in your denomination or specific church.)
exactly. thank you.
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Old 01-25-2017, 01:36 PM   #79
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Default Re: Need help dealing with Church Nursery

I would not attend a church where children are flat out not allowed (we do not ask people to leave their purses or valuables... why on earth should I trust a stranger with my children who are far more precious? ). Now, a church that just wants perfect behavior, I have done various things. I have simply gone to the nursery if I felt too stressed about my toddler making noise and wiggling. At times and in churches (we have moved a lot!) where I felt stronger and more known, I was willing to be "that person" who had a child. I have only ever gotten positive comments from people who are glad to see children in the service.

I totally understand missing out on the sermons and the singing. Oh, singing is my favorite! I have four little ones close together, so I have missed years of sitting all the way through the service. It is only recently now that my youngest is three (and a particularly still and quiet three!) that I have been able to sit through a whole service. In the meantime, I have done lots of the things mentioned here. I have gone to formal Bible Studies; I have done more informal get-togethers; a Bible study that rotated houses, and we hired a teenager to keep an eye on the kids who were willing to not sit with mom; read a lot of books on positive and gentle (not permissive!!) parenting (check out Sally Clarkson, especially the Mission of Motherhood, for an inspiring read!) and spent a lot of time thinking about God as my Father and how he relates to me and how I in turn ought to relate to my children; read fairly academic books on certain books of the Bible that are of interest to me and stretch my understanding of God, the Bible, and who I am; listened to sermons either from my own church or others (I like Crystal Lutton's sermons a lot -- she is on this board!); and read here a lot. None of that is quite like a church service to really feel like part of the greater body of Christ, but children are only small once, and it is only a season.

The more calm, gracious, kind, godly wisdom you can surround yourself with, the better - through what you read, what you watch, who you talk to, etc. Babies, toddlers, and young children are exhausting, and it is so difficult, especially with the first one, to work through the fear of messing up, realizing the reality of parenting is so very different than what you thought, recognizing areas where you wish your parents had done differently with you and simultaneously gaining understanding for why they did what they did and even acknowledging with (sometimes reluctant!) admiration the things that they did well that you find hard. I am glad you are are here I hope you find it a welcoming grace-filled place to learn and grow!
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Old 01-26-2017, 02:35 PM   #80
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Default Re: Need help dealing with Church Nursery

Our church has a nursery but young children are also allowed. The phrasing in the bullentin is something like We always welcome children during service, however, if you find yourself in need of a nursery, we have one located here. There is also one of those rooms with the clear glass at the back so you can see the service but your child can cry or play with toys in there. Be a little louder. So we have 3 options (drop off at nursery, bring into service, use cry room).

In addition, the nursery is open during Sunday school hour and during weekday bible studies as well as at MOPS and the bible study that runs the same night as MOPS. But people bring their children with - it just depends on individual preference.

There is even a Sunday school class called parent and me, I think it is for 2 and young 3s. But basically the idea is that 2 & 3 year olds may be too little for a drop off Sunday school, but ready to learn about God and Jesus at a higher level than the nursery (where there is some songs and a super short lesson and a craft available, but not for the whole hour and of course babies may not participate at all). Not that the 2 year old is songs and a craft, but just geared to that age group.
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Old 01-26-2017, 03:37 PM   #81
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Default Re: Need help dealing with Church Nursery

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Originally Posted by daina View Post
im wondering if this is another topic entirely, worth a new thread, but id like your opinions: would you attend a bible study on a parenting book which encourages spanking? I'm thinking most of you would say "no"... The book itself is not about discipline, but does contain sections and chapters on the subject. Its called "Training Your Child to Turn Out Right"... an old baptist parenting book from the 90's. Would you just forego the study group all together, or go and take the good while leaving the bad?

Being a new mom without much experience, and not being raised in a Christian environment makes it more tempting to go to learn about "biblical parenting". But on the other hand, it goes back to all these things we've been discussing about the fundamental mindset, etc...
No, I wouldn't go. I'd start my own group, not exclusive to my church. There are so many options now for finding other moms. I started Facebook group for local homeschooling moms. La Leche League meetings are another great place to meet other moms. Usually there's a social chit chat time before or after the meeting. Or you can suggest anyone who's free to meet at a park before or after the meeting.

I've made some of my very best friends that way. Also through GCM meet-ups. Other Christian women who support, encourage, and hold me accountable. Who can listen to my thoughts without trying to convince me to think their way.

I have never, and will never, attend a church that doesn't allow children in the service. There is a time and a place to discuss adult topics that are inappropriate for children. Sunday morning isn't the time or the place, imo.

As far as children in church-- when Paul wrote, "children, obey your parents," he was addressing the children whom he assumed were sitting in the meeting of believers. He did not write, "parents, make your children obey." Big difference.
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Old 01-29-2017, 06:18 AM   #82
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Default Re: Need help dealing with Church Nursery

Quote:
Originally Posted by twoplustwo View Post
Our church has a nursery but young children are also allowed. The phrasing in the bullentin is something like We always welcome children during service, however, if you find yourself in need of a nursery, we have one located here. There is also one of those rooms with the clear glass at the back so you can see the service but your child can cry or play with toys in there. Be a little louder. So we have 3 options (drop off at nursery, bring into service, use cry room).
Sounds fantastic! I guess this makes your chirch very attractive for young families.
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