I need tools

[marigold]

Hello Ladies, I am now back from a lovely few days with my parents and a lot of driving. The kids did great with all the travel (2-3+ hrs /days) We did have a couple overtired or run out of fuel tantrums but we regrouped and went on.
Ask once, then help id difficult. I'm going to be working on this for a looooong time, I can tell.
The biggest difficulty I had whilst away was getting the kids to sleep, particulrily ds2. He was tired every night but he gets himself so worked up and he won't listen to a thing I say and wouldn't be quiet and wouldn't settle down and when you cramming lots of people into a small space. The 3 older kids were sharing a room but the other night I actually ended up taking him out and putting him into the playpen where the baby was supposed to sleep and shhhed him before that he was shouting and bouncing on the bed and everyone was upset with him. Once he stopped fighting he fell asleep in less than 10 min but you cannot force someone to be quiet or stillIt was exasperating. I had to keep leaving so I could control my temper and that didn't help either b/c everytime I walked out he followed me at top volume talking about this and that.

[staceylayne]

Oh, those bedtime struggles are crazy making!

I have a 3yo that has major issues settling down for sleep if we miss her sleepy window. (And her "window" seems to be quite short and a bit of a moving target. ) I get SO exasperated with her bedtime shenanigans when I know she's tired but can't/won't let herself relax enough to drift off.

I'm glad to hear that the trip went mostly well! That's a huge deal, taking four kids on a road trip alone. Give yourself a pat in the back and a nice long bath. Great job, mama!

---------- Post added at 02:38 AM ---------- Previous post was at 02:35 AM ----------

I just realized that our kids are similar in ages...all within six months of each other. But you have a girl and three boys and I have a boy and three girls. Fun!

[marigold]

Ok, soI don't want you to think my kids are aweful, they are lovely most of the time but you wanted examples, so here is a situation that confounded me a couple of times today. I say "time to do this" I give an opportunity for them to do it. They run the other way, as fast as their little legs can go. I cannot reach them to follow through. I don't know what to do. I get angry they are not listening and react instead of...whatever the opposite is This is the problem with my parenting. I am a reactive person. How do I become otherwise?

[Kiara.I]

For a while, until the habit is more deeply ingrained, go to them *before* you give an instruction. Enter into what they are doing. So for example if they're playing legos or something, talk about how cool the lego thing is and how much they're enjoying it. Then, with a hand *already on them*, tell them it's time to ....whatever. That way, you're already there to start helping.

[deena]

I wanted to reassure you that the three examples you've given are all really common frustrations of all parents, including Gentle mothers. Your kids sound rambunctious and that's a personality trait that someday will manifest itself positively. And it's great that you are guiding them so it can lead to good things.

In the previously mentioned sleep situation - I've struggled a lot with that as my kids are night owls. Maybe yours are too. Sometimes I have to resort to laying with them or bringing them in bed with me. I try to read to them at night. And when they were little I'd play "Adventures in Odyssey" CDs. It has never been easy though for me.

As for the last example - Keep following through. Just be consistent. I like Kiara's advice to go to them before they can run away.

[marbles]

Your kids sound normal. All kids do stuff like that, they really all do. When my kids are having trouble listening, I do what Kiara suggested and make sure I'm right with them, touching them and interacting with them, before I give a "command". We all move together that way, instead of me standing there telling them what they need to do. Then later I can stand there and tell them what to do and they listen

[Proverbs3Rubies]

I feel like we always need input and tools.
I love everyone's insight!