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Old 09-30-2007, 04:54 PM   #1
Beauty4Ashes
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Default gbd'ing with a language barrier

My children were playing outside and I was talking to a Pakistani lady who recently came to the USA. She has a daughter who looks like she is 2ish. Her dd took ds2's tricycle (hot wheels) when he was not using it and started riding it. Ds2 got upset, so I tried to redirect her to ds2's other tricycle, but she refused. I tried to explain to ds2 about taking turns--he's normally pretty good about taking turns with my assistance. Ds2 was still upset, so I tried to redirect him to the little red metal tricycle that he got for his birthday. He reluctantly went with me, but perked up considerably when I told him that I could clean up his metal tricycle with a paper towel and some spit so that it would be shiny again. Well, I thought that maybe the little girl would allow ds2 to ride his hot wheels again, but she didn't. Danny did finally get a chance and she tried to push him off. She pushed Bashar as well when he was using Danny's hot wheels. She got back on the hot wheels, Danny was upset again, so I told him, Danny, say "I want to ride my bike" or "Give me my bike, please". The mother picked her up and removed her a few times. She told me that her daughter is "very bad" because she will hit her mother, pull off her hijab, kick, and get angry if her husband wanted to come near her (the mother). Finally the mother took her dd back to their apartment. I said, you know, maybe she is getting tired.

I guess what I am wondering is how I could have handled this differently. On one hand, I want for my children to know how to take turns. But on the other hand, what do you do when someone else's child has no concept of what it is to take turns? I *know* that at the age of 2, taking turns/sharing is not something that they are capable of doing on their own, that they need help in that area. She is an only child, so that may have something to do with it. But she was getting really rough with my boys, trying to push them off a hot wheels that belongs to both of them. Neither of my boys tried to hit her or anything, but Bashar did try to stick up for his brother. I think that this could be a chance to model gbd ot the mother, she seems kind of out of place since she just came to the USA recently (if I understood her correctly) and maybe her dd is also having a hard time adjusting to life in a new country.

Thoughts?
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mom to B (6/2004)
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R 9/2015

Isaiah 61:3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that they might be glorified.
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Old 09-30-2007, 05:46 PM   #2
Beauty4Ashes
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Default Re: gbd'ing with a language barrier

I have another question. Was I insisting that my dc share too much since this girl was the new one on the block to the point that I was not taking into account that the tricycle is indeed theirs? I am just haunted by a lady that I know who will insist that her oldest daughter share her toys just because she is the oldest, even when she doesn't want to...and the younger children tend to take advantage of that, unknowingly, of course.
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wife to AbuBa(6/2001)

mom to B (6/2004)
D (6/2005)
L 4/2008
R 9/2015

Isaiah 61:3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that they might be glorified.
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Old 09-30-2007, 07:03 PM   #3
Love_Is_Patient
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Default Re: gbd'ing with a language barrier

I can sympathize with the language barrier issue. That's a difficult one. My ds has usually been the one on the other end--wanting to play with other kids toys. My response would have been similar to your friend's--redirect for a while and then leave the scene. It doesn't sound to me like you were forcing sharing--I think it's good to encourage it, although if conflict over something escalates then I prefer to remove the toy rather than try to force the turn taking/sharing issue.
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Old 09-30-2007, 07:27 PM   #4
Beauty4Ashes
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Default Re: gbd'ing with a language barrier

Only problem was that I don't think that her dd would have stood for having the toy taken away. Or mine either, for that matter. It was getting close to/past lunch time and probably tiredness was in the air.
__________________
Tammy--ISTJ
wife to AbuBa(6/2001)

mom to B (6/2004)
D (6/2005)
L 4/2008
R 9/2015

Isaiah 61:3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that they might be glorified.
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