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#1 |
Rose Blossom
![]() ![]() "Lord, let me live until I die" - Will Rogers ::redheaded wife of 1, mama of (almost) 3::
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 205
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Can we list what some of the basic assumptions behind gentle discipline are? Like, 1) First-time obedience is not our primary goal. 2) Children are not our adversaries. 3) Punitive measures are neither effective, nor Christ-like...
What else? I'm trying to figure out how to explain GD in positive terms, rather than just ONLY reciting what I *don't* do (like "I don't spank, or use time-out, etc)... I know that the question is going to be, "ok, so if you don't spank/use time-out, then what DO you do? How do you get your kids to listen? don't we need to be in control as parents?" (this was my hubby's question a while back...). I feel like I want to explain a bit of the philosophy behind it but am having trouble putting it into words . Make sense??
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::: Red :::
wife to my Honey mama to my precious little man (Sept.08) mama to my sweet baby girl (July.10) mama to my blissful second boy (June.12) ![]() ::: www.redandhoney.com |
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#2 |
Rose Garden
![]() Our sweet family, 2017
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: The Woodlands, TX
Posts: 8,882
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GBD recognizes that children need to be disciplined in a way that recognizes their cognitive limitations (for example, if children don't develop impulse control until 5, then expecting them to show self control before then is pointless). It also recognizes that discipline means "to teach," and that pain is not necessary for teaching. GBD uses God's model of parenting as its foundation, mirroring His use of natural consequences and grace to lovingly guide His children. Finally, GBD seeks to keep the bond/relationship between parent and child strong and healthy by encouraging parents to approach their child not in an adversarial, "us against them" mindset, but with a "we are all on the same team" mindset. GBD always has an eye on the end goal, which is NOT "pleasant children RIGHT NOW" but "emotionally healthy, morally centered adults who recognize the consequences of their actions."
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Alison wife to Daniel mother to AJ (12/28/05) and PJ (03/19/08) Inspirational Women's Fiction author Children's storybook author Homeschool coach |
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#3 |
Guest
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Affirming Feelings...
No couch potato parenting (you may need to get up and interact with the kids, rather then barking orders and threats). Last edited by Marrrg; 07-09-2011 at 09:59 AM. Reason: added more |
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#4 |
Rose Garden
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Posts: 27,359
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gbd seeks to assume positive intent wherever possible
gbd seeks to assume that everyone (child or adult) is doing the best they can with what they have. So if you don't like what they're doing, you have to change "what they have" and give them a new skill or a new understanding, some help, etc. gbd believes that inflicting pain in order to prevent a repeat occurrence of whatever it is is ineffective at best and damaging at worst. gbd seeks to allow natural consequences to do the teaching where it is possible (if you don't wear your coat you will be cold) but doesn't mind stepping in with grace when necessary (oh, you're cold? Well I put your coat in the trunk before we left. Would you like to put it on now?) When natural consequences are dangerous, ineffective,or simply not forthcoming, gbd uses logical consequences to teach what kids need to learn. If you leave my tools out after you use them, and you do it repeatedly, I will not make you miss dinner or not let you play outside or make you miss your favorite tv show, but I will ask you to clean them up and I am not going to be eager to let you use my tools again next time you want them for something. gbd recognizes that discipline is short-sighted if it only starts after misbehavior or focuses on misbehavior. Discipline as teaching is most effective before the behavior occurs and seeks to teach and model good behavior. Setting kids up for success includes teaching, modeling, and trying to make sure, whenever possible, that their bellies are full, they are not too tired, and that expectations are age-appropriate.
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Erin born of water and of the Spirit 4/96 married 5/02 Mama to: 2004 2007 2010 2012 2017 2019 Jan 2, 2024 And many I hope to hold in heaven one day ![]() |
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#5 |
Rose Blossom
![]() ![]() "Lord, let me live until I die" - Will Rogers ::redheaded wife of 1, mama of (almost) 3::
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 205
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Thank-you! These are really helpful! Keep them coming!
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::: Red :::
wife to my Honey mama to my precious little man (Sept.08) mama to my sweet baby girl (July.10) mama to my blissful second boy (June.12) ![]() ::: www.redandhoney.com |
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#6 |
Moderator in A Twinkle in Our Eyes, Cradled in Our Wombs, Gentle Discipline, Nurturing Our Children, and Let's Talk
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Location: BC, Canada
Posts: 9,856
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GD seeks to teach what to do rather than punish in order to enforce what not to do.
GD is focused on the long-term rather than the short-term. GD relies on and seeks to continually develop a strong, healthy relationship between parent and child.
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Cynthia Ezer Kenegdo to Isaac since 2007 Raising Jacob (16), Luke (14), Lily (11), Elizabeth (9), Clara (6), and Emily (3) in the knowledge and love of God Blogging at The Hippie Housewife about attachment parenting, natural living, life as a Jesus-follower, and more, all tied together through our journey towards a more intentional life. |
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#7 |
Rose Trellis
![]() Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,173
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GBD holds the value that parents need to demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit *to* children rather than harshly demanding it *from* them.
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ENTP ![]() married to my love ![]() mama to 3 incredible girls: 11/06
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#8 |
Rose Garden
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I think this should be a sticky.
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~Sara~ Beaming mama to Sumo since 2010. Addicted to ![]() Martyrs make lousy lovers and party guests. ~ Michael Flocker
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#9 |
Rose Garden
![]() Have you ever heard a fly roar? Listen carefully!
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Walking with broken bootstraps...
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GBD recognizes that personal growth happens in the context of relationship.
God created us to be social creatures that are interdependent. GBD offers a tools that help preserve relationship while still doing the very hard work of teaching children all the things they need to know to be healthy and productive adults. "Life is about relationships, and we get things done along the way..."
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![]() sister to Blue-EyedLady since forever ![]() wife to Trooper (Wounded Warrior) 3-98 ![]() Graphics designing sapphiremama to EBug 2-04, ABoo 2-06, and Goggle 8-09 |
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#10 |
Deactivated
![]() Beware the gorgon, she's having a bad hair day
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: DFW area
Posts: 54,024
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I've only read the OP. My very tired, very pregnant self thinks of these immediately.
GD is about relationship. The best discipline and learning comes from relationship. GD is about modeling God to our kids. We all know that when kids think about God they think about their relationship with their parents. So I want to model the grace and love that God gives me to my kids so that they can understand God's grace and love. |
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#11 |
Rose Trellis
![]() Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,702
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subbing!
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__________________
Usually nursing while on tapatalk please excuse the typos! |
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#12 |
Rose Bouquet
![]() ![]() Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Abashiri, Japan
Posts: 729
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is scripting over and over. Teaching them what to say.
Relationship with your child. Means you're on the same team not pitted against one another. GOYB make it happen. Sticky
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Linda, wife for 24 years to dh, mom to ds-21, dd-19, ds-16, ds-13, ds-10, ds-7, and ds 6 |
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#13 |
Rose Garden
![]() "You are on the path...exactly where you are meant to be."
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Seeking Simplicity
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GBD is about treating our children as collaborators, whenever possible, instead of automatically as adversaries. Working with them rather than against them also recognizes that they may someday be our brothers/sisters in Christ and will someday be adults and "equal" to us in society no matter what their beliefs.
It's also about showing our children the fruit of the spirit - showing them love, gentleness, self-control, patience, kindness - rather than being harsh and demanding towards them. GBD is also (for me, at least) about recognizing that *I* have trouble with big feelings. *I* have trouble being patient. *I* have trouble taking orders. Why would I expect my children to have an easier time doing those things when they're barely more than babies and I'm an adult? I also think that it's important to recognize that child development isn't an excuse or just a result of the fall, it's the way that God created children to grow and learn. A normal child simply cannot get from point B (birth) to point G (grown-up) without going through the usual stages of development.
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Barefooting through life with dh (2003), dd1 (11/05), dd2 (7/07), dd3 (11/09), and ds (8/13). Unless explicitly stated otherwise, any views or opinions presented in the above posts are solely those of BarefootBetsy, the GCM member, and do not necessarily represent the views or opinions of anyone else in the entire world. |
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#14 |
Deactivated
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#15 |
Rose Bouquet
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This is so good! Sticky, sticky, sticky!
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