Consequences for destructive playing

[Bea423]

This is sort of a spin off of the post about a good consequence for a 4 yo who broke a tablet...

It really got me thinking about how I could help my 4 yo son be more aware. I'm not sure if anyone is familiar with DYT but my son is a TYPE 3, and he really is big and strong and forceful with play... He's pretty good about caring for his toys now (he finally made the broken toy = no playing with that tou connection) but other things still get damaged. Like my furniture has lots of dents and scratches, blinds get broken... All unintentional things that he doesn't intent to do but he gets hyper focused and it happens. Anyway, consequences are usually "that's not how we use that toy.." Or a game stops... I'm curious what other suggestions you all might have that would help him to be more aware. I'm not real concerned, he is pretty good about adjusting when reminded. But the idea of making amends and bringing awareness certainly appeals to me!

[Chaos Coordinator]

First of all, take everything that is valuable and sacrosanct to you, wrap it in bubble pack, and move it off site


Then begin your day each morning with the intent to set him up for success. Go for a walk first thing - a LONG one. Then spend a few hours bumbling around in nature, either in your yard or at a park or forest or meadow. Maybe a dry creek bed. Have refreshments handy but mostly stay out of his way. Make sure you both have on good sturdy clothes that you have zero emotional attachment to.

Be prepared with a mental or literal in hand list of heavy work ideas like hauling rocks, breaking things like sticks, pushing outdoor furniture/toys around, pulling a loaded wagon, etc.

Do not at any point encourage a child with this temperament to sit in front of a screen unless you are absolutely desperate such as during illness because it will probably result in even bigger energy releases from what's been pent up and triggered by screen time.


That is how you help manage a child who is unintentionally but naturally too rough on things. Space, work to do, and connection with the earth.

[everybody's mother]

*standing ovation*

[camperjen]

My younger son is like this - he's 8.5yo now and still the same way, but with a greater awareness. Honestly, some of the destruction I took as "the cost of raising kids", but I never had to replace the couch or kitchen table.

He has learned to regulate - I repeated to him in a lot of circumstances over the years, "You've just *GOT* to hit, don't you? You've just *got* to run and jump and play" in order to bring a body-awareness. Now he will occasionally be watching tv with his brother after school and suddenly get up and say, "I'm feeling wiggly. I'm going outside." As he got older, I taught him things he could do outside without me or his brother always needing to interact (his brother is more cerebral and less physical for sure). We have a fenced back yard, so that has helped a lot.

Oh, and one of the best things ever was that we have a pile of 2-3 dozen big old heavy bricks and four cinder blocks. I would tell him to pretend they're legos and make something no more than 3 bricks high. We only once had the problem of a brick falling on a toe - and the worse assault was that it scratched his leg on the way down! Sometimes I'd look at the brick pile and there would be like seven bricks there and I'd be like, "Hey, where did the bricks go?" And sometimes the job was to bring them all back to the pile in the corner of the house where they "belong".

[mamacat]

If not intentional,IMO, I really wouldnt do the making amends thing personally - just work on giving him more awareness and skills to help him know how to have body slow down and not be so "strong".Sounds like more of a motor skills type area to me. Just as you would redirect younger toddler to use gentle hands etc.

[ShepherdsWife]

Originally Posted by Bea423

This is sort of a spin off of the post about a good consequence for a 4 yo who broke a tablet...

It really got me thinking about how I could help my 4 yo son be more aware. I'm not sure if anyone is familiar with DYT but my son is a TYPE 3, and he really is big and strong and forceful with play... He's pretty good about caring for his toys now (he finally made the broken toy = no playing with that tou connection) but other things still get damaged. Like my furniture has lots of dents and scratches, blinds get broken... All unintentional things that he doesn't intent to do but he gets hyper focused and it happens. Anyway, consequences are usually "that's not how we use that toy.." Or a game stops... I'm curious what other suggestions you all might have that would help him to be more aware. I'm not real concerned, he is pretty good about adjusting when reminded. But the idea of making amends and bringing awareness certainly appeals to me!

I have a DYT 3 son and I totally get the forceful play. Lots and lots and lots of ACTIVE activities you plan help. If he is into hammering then make a hammering activity that is ok. Outside is the best for these kiddos. A place where their energy can run wild and free and they aren't going to destroy things. I think the aware part is something that comes with age and maturity. The simple things you are doing like taking away a toy being used improperly or a toy that is broken can't be used anymore are the best ways to teach him.

DYT 3 kids like projects. They are motivated my accomplishing things. If you don't create jobs they will create their own. They want a task to do, a job. Create jobs and projects. Get a small shovel. They aren't content with cheap plastic shovels. Get a real shovel in the most miniature size you can find. Get buckets, and rocks and sand and let them move the earth. Get a hammer and nails and boards and let them pound. Get plaster of Paris really cheap and a cheap paint color and a trowel. Find a cheap board and let them slap plaster of paris all over it. I am sure you can find more activities with imagination.

Originally Posted by Chaos Coordinator

First of all, take everything that is valuable and sacrosanct to you, wrap it in bubble pack, and move it off site


Then begin your day each morning with the intent to set him up for success. Go for a walk first thing - a LONG one. Then spend a few hours bumbling around in nature, either in your yard or at a park or forest or meadow. Maybe a dry creek bed. Have refreshments handy but mostly stay out of his way. Make sure you both have on good sturdy clothes that you have zero emotional attachment to.

Be prepared with a mental or literal in hand list of heavy work ideas like hauling rocks, breaking things like sticks, pushing outdoor furniture/toys around, pulling a loaded wagon, etc.

Do not at any point encourage a child with this temperament to sit in front of a screen unless you are absolutely desperate such as during illness because it will probably result in even bigger energy releases from what's been pent up and triggered by screen time.


That is how you help manage a child who is unintentionally but naturally too rough on things. Space, work to do, and connection with the earth.

AMEN!!!!

[CelticJourney]

Certainly don't know my DYT, but I wonder what it would look like to keep track of the things I damage or dent as a course of life. I know I made soap last week and there are some spots on the kitchen counter that need attention.