Yelling Support Thread

[Emerald Orchid]

This thread has already made a difference for me. It keeps me accountable, and when I'm tempted to yell, I think, "No! I wouldn't want to write that I yelled on GCM!" and I stop. Hey, whatever works, works.

[shirelingmum]

i cried when i found this thread a few minutes ago. oh ladies...if you only knew
my ds is 3 1/2 and i think that because i have yelled and belittled him SO. MUCH. that it's causing him to have some really evident speech issues. it's breaking my heart...and it's completely my fault he is SO imaginative and SO talkative...and between mumbling weirdly or saying all of his sentences literally backwards or completely mixed up (like...way more than "normal" for a 3yo) i am just heartbroken and
i think i am less of a yeller with my dd who turns 2 next week...but this HAS to stop. it's terrible. my poor little boy
and the yelling and belittling and impatience and rage i got from both my parents: the belittling and impatience i got from my mom and the yelling from both parents.
anyhow, thanks for making this thread. i'll go back and read all of the posts now

[hey mommy]

I made it a full day with out yelling!!!

Thank you for this thread. I have to come back to it when I have a bit more time. This pregnancy has made my patience short and I know I have work to do with yelling.

[charla]

I've found myself yelling a couple times over the weekend, but today I was able to reign it solely because of this thread. I found that the pent up big emotions that I thought needed to be released in some way somehow dissipated with the satisfaction that I didn't yell at my children and was replaced with an overwhelming sense of accomplishment and rightness and love toward my precious children.

Today was just so much better! I only yelled a couple times today. I was just trying to be purposeful. I need to go review the five rules and try to see if I can implement them a bit tomorrow. Now that I'm paying more attention to myself all my inconsistencies are really showing. I have a long way to go. But I do have hope now, thanks to you ladies and your encouragement!

[GlobalMama]

Oh man, how did I miss this. I'm a yeller. A screamer even sometimes Ehh.

The thing that sets me off the most is when I'm trying to concentrate on some remedial task and DS is all over me. He can play quietly in his room for nearly an hour, but the minute I'm washing a dish, hanging a coat, you name it, voila, there he is, clinging. on. my. leg He's just being 2, I know it. But sometimes I just want to scream. and I do

[Emerald Orchid]

I yelled last night (Zac's whining is driving me NUTS!) and this morning (Milan made a mess).

A while ago, I told Zac that he could tell me "Don't yell mommy" when I do and I explained that it helps me to do it less. He tells me almost every time. Last night he said, "Mom, you need to have more patience with me." "You're absolutely right sweetie."

I will get there.

[WalkByFaith]

Originally Posted by mcilvainmama

i cried when i found this thread a few minutes ago. oh ladies...if you only knew
my ds is 3 1/2 and i think that because i have yelled and belittled him SO. MUCH. that it's causing him to have some really evident speech issues. it's breaking my heart...and it's completely my fault he is SO imaginative and SO talkative...and between mumbling weirdly or saying all of his sentences literally backwards or completely mixed up (like...way more than "normal" for a 3yo) i am just heartbroken and
i think i am less of a yeller with my dd who turns 2 next week...but this HAS to stop. it's terrible. my poor little boy
and the yelling and belittling and impatience and rage i got from both my parents: the belittling and impatience i got from my mom and the yelling from both parents.
anyhow, thanks for making this thread. i'll go back and read all of the posts now

This was me with my first child. I was horribly mean/punitive until not that long ago (maybe about 2 years ago I started changing my parenting). He is now going on 9. I just want to encourage you that things can change and there is time. I have been amazed at how much my son talks to me and tells me everything, how he's changed into this amazing child DESPITE the horrible start to life he's had. We have such a fantastic relationship now. I used to physically hurt him and belittle him. I'm telling you this to encourage! I will pray for you. I know how you feel!!!

[Soliloquy]

A big trigger for me is when we're running late. But it's usually my fault. I try to get so much done before we leave that I'm really pushing the envelope. I should be telling them to clean up and get their shoes fifteen minutes before we need to be pulling out of the driveway, not three minutes before.

I am doing much better about consistently helping them do their share of housework rather than doing it all myself because I'm faster and more thorough. They're proud of their contributions and I don't feel like the bitter maid.

[canadiyank]

The baby is not napping. I need the break. She's laying in her bed, not crying, so that's good, but I still feel tense. I've already laid down with her for an hour.

[Mum2Es]

I'm tired. My children are REALLY tired. We're coming into summer and it's hot hot hot and they can't sleep and they are grumpy and hair trigger sensitive and I'm sick of dealing with irrational small people.

If I can get through today without yelling I will consider that an achievement, even if nothing productive gets done.

[AdrienneQW]

Originally Posted by LisaM

A big trigger for me is when we're running late. But it's usually my fault. I try to get so much done before we leave that I'm really pushing the envelope. I should be telling them to clean up and get their shoes fifteen minutes before we need to be pulling out of the driveway, not three minutes before.

This is SO HUGE for me. I detest being late for anything, so my stress level rises as we get closer and closer to what I have designated as the appropriate departure time. Even when we make it, it's generally at the cost of stress to me. I think I will plan to have everything absolutely ready 10-15 min before I want to leave... and then, when we hit the mark, I can spend those extra minutes reading to the kids.

[hey mommy]

So far. so good. But we still have homework, dinner and church. Big, huge triggers for me right there. The kids are outside running off some energy, so hopefully homework will go smoothly. It's easy today, so I have high hopes.

[jmom1984]

Originally Posted by Green Orchid

I yelled last night (Zac's whining is driving me NUTS!) and this morning (Milan made a mess).

A while ago, I told Zac that he could tell me "Don't yell mommy" when I do and I explained that it helps me to do it less. He tells me almost every time. Last night he said, "Mom, you need to have more patience with me." "You're absolutely right sweetie."

I will get there.

That is a great idea, I know if I told my 4yo that I'm going to stop yelling and it is her job to remind me of that if I do yell, she would more than totally embrace that! Great idea. I also seem to remember being frustrated at how slow someone was driving or turning in front of me one time and she said (in the same tone I use with her), "You need to be patient, Mommy" I call her my "mirror child" because reflects me so perfectly that sometimes it's scary when I can see exactly what I need to change about myself (like when she is impatient and yells at her sister and I knows she sees me doing that ) and sometimes it warms my heart because she is reflecting something wonderful that I didn't even intentionally teach her (like the way she speaks sweetly to her sister sometimes, using the exact lovey dovey words I do ).

Originally Posted by LisaM

A big trigger for me is when we're running late. But it's usually my fault. I try to get so much done before we leave that I'm really pushing the envelope. I should be telling them to clean up and get their shoes fifteen minutes before we need to be pulling out of the driveway, not three minutes before.

I am doing much better about consistently helping them do their share of housework rather than doing it all myself because I'm faster and more thorough. They're proud of their contributions and I don't feel like the bitter maid.

I would say being late is my #1 trigger too. There are others certainly, but that's the biggie. I'm getting better and better about getting as much ready the night before as I can, and we actually made it out the door for church last Sunday without me yelling! It was soooo wonderful because everyone was cheerful and pleasant and I know it was because I was projecting that, instead of stressing them out by being angry about being late. In my head I know that yelling is not going to help us get ready any faster, it probably slows things if anything. But in the moment, I'm not reasoning like that This thread has been helping a lot though. if nothing else, it has made me more of concious of the fact that I do it and identifying what triggers it. Somehow just being aware of the problem and confessing "out loud" that I have the problem has made me hold myself more accountable.