Yelling Support Thread

canadiyank · 11-04-2011, 06:50 PM

Hi everyone - this thread is for those of us who find ourselves, for whatever reason, struggling with yelling. We can share ideas, books, techniques, successes and failures.

Psyche · 11-04-2011, 07:02 PM

Subbing

Castle On A Cloud · 11-04-2011, 07:04 PM

Thank you for starting this thread

I yell. ALOT. It makes me sick to think of it, cause it is just another thing that I do that reminds me of the horrible way I was raised, and how I swore to never do that to my children

LisaM · 11-04-2011, 07:06 PM

me.

Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey. It's not an accurate title, it should be titled Discipline Yourself, Discipline Your Child. The book is all about learning habits of self control.

Going to bed when my kids go to bed makes a huge difference because I'm not so insanely tired the next day. But, staying up to prep as much as I can helps, too.

Getting outside, being anywhere but home, it seems. At home I am always multi-tasking and more short-tempered.

greendelight · 11-04-2011, 07:07 PM

Is this just for yelling at our children? 'Cause I don't yell at dd. But I do yell at dh in front of dd. A lot.

nanookmama · 11-04-2011, 07:08 PM

ReedleBeetle · 11-04-2011, 07:13 PM

I'm struggling again with it due to my life right now more than anything. I'm trying to "take the power" back from my situation and not let it decide my life for me. In the meantime....I need this thread.

Lisa, I totally get what you are saying. I need to prep, which helps, I need the rest, and I need "me" time.

MiriamRose · 11-04-2011, 07:14 PM

Bringing my tea to this thread. I need it, a lot, right now. I have always had a temper (it used to only come out when I was pushed to a huge extreme

) but pregnancy hormones and feeling physically miserable for weeks on end have made me quick to anger. While I understand the reasons for it and it feels completely out of my control, especially in the moment, it's no excuse. It is not ok for me to treat my child with anything but kindness and respect no matter how much I am melting down.

In addition to preventing the meltdown in the first place, I need strategies for calming myself and changing my approach when I am already boiling over, instead of letting my fury spend itself. I will usually "watch" myself as I am screaming and think "this is not ok, I don't want to yell, look how scared/confused he looks, I wish I could stop" but it feels so overwhelming and out of control and I can't stop the train until the energy is used up. I really don't like that.

charla · 11-04-2011, 07:16 PM

These have helped me (links broken because I haven't read any other content):

http://codenamemama.com/2010/08/31/100-things-to-do-instead-of-yelling-or-spanking/

http:// afterthefirecameagentlewhisper.blogspot.com/2011/01/confessions-of-reformed-yeller-part-1.html (several parts - I've only linked to part 1)

I used to beat myself up and go to bed crying often because I felt like such an awful mother when I yelled at my kids. I found that as I immersed myself in finding God's grace for myself and stopped beating myself up, it helped me find grace for my children and I yelled less. Now I know that I can ask my children's forgiveness; it is not unpardonable. I might need to review all of this though.

Old habits do die hard.

canadiyank · 11-04-2011, 07:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greendelight

Is this just for yelling at our children?

Any sort of yelling.

---------- Post added at 08:20 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:19 PM ----------

I find myself at my "worst" when I am short on sleep and don't have a good plan for the day. At times like that I find that I just don't care!

Elora · 11-04-2011, 07:25 PM

sleep
eliminating caffeine
eating right
getting out of the house
having my belongings MOVED INTO MY HOUSE AND FINDING A PLACE FOR THEM SO I KNOW WHERE THEY ARE AND I DON'T LOSE MY MIND LOOKING FOR SOMETHING EVERYTIME I NEED ANYTHING WOULD HELP A LOT

charla · 11-04-2011, 07:27 PM

I find when I have too much to do and not enough time to do it, my fuse gets awfully short. So yes, lack of planning may be the culprit for me.

canadiyank · 11-04-2011, 07:28 PM

Yeah, lack of planning. That's a biggie for me...if I have a "purpose" to my day I do a LOT better. Hmm.

Cook · 11-04-2011, 07:33 PM

Hi Ladies. I'm Annie and I'm a yeller

GraceFirst · 11-04-2011, 07:40 PM

My patience is the shortest (and thus yelling ensues) when I am engrossed in something that is important to ME, something I want to do for ME, and the kids start fighting or need something (that they can easily do themselves and don't need me for) and I can't get MY stuff done. I am trying to do too much. It helps me to just know that between the hours of approx 7am to 8/9pm I should not try and pour myself into anything else that requires all my attention. Then I am not setting myself up for frustration.

On one hand I feel like I'm never going to be able to do anything for myself, but on the other hand I know that right now during this phase of life I am pouring myself into my little ones and will have time later on down the road for personal time.

Just the way it is right now. And they are worth it.

11-04-2011, 06:50 PM	#1
canadiyank Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Central WA Posts: 17,458	Yelling Support Thread Hi everyone - this thread is for those of us who find ourselves, for whatever reason, struggling with yelling. We can share ideas, books, techniques, successes and failures. __________________ Meghan INFJ WAHM to dd1 (11yo), dd2 (8yo), and dd3 (3yo).

11-04-2011, 07:02 PM	#2
Psyche Rose Garden Extreme sleep Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: DFW Posts: 22,688	Re: Yelling Support Thread Subbing __________________ Heather (ISTJ) wife to Jason since '02, mom to C 7 year old, J 4 years old , and T 1 year old .

11-04-2011, 07:04 PM	#3
Castle On A Cloud Rose Garden formerly rjruiz_415 Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Carlsbad, California Posts: 4,538	Re: Yelling Support Thread Thank you for starting this thread I yell. ALOT. It makes me sick to think of it, cause it is just another thing that I do that reminds me of the horrible way I was raised, and how I swore to never do that to my children __________________ ESTJ(maybe)INFP 4/04 zachariah 4/05 micah 10/06 sakura 7/09 jiraiya 2/12

11-04-2011, 07:06 PM	#4
LisaM Rose Garden e=mc^2 Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: 35 minutes from Schweitzer Mountain! Posts: 27,220	Re: Yelling Support Thread me. Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey. It's not an accurate title, it should be titled Discipline Yourself, Discipline Your Child. The book is all about learning habits of self control. Going to bed when my kids go to bed makes a huge difference because I'm not so insanely tired the next day. But, staying up to prep as much as I can helps, too. Getting outside, being anywhere but home, it seems. At home I am always multi-tasking and more short-tempered. __________________ Lisa 40, ENFJ (that functions as an ENTJ some of the time), DYT Type 4 Married to Owen for 16 years! Mom to 4! Grace 9 , T4 Simon 7 T1 Fiona 4 T2 Justice 3 T2

11-04-2011, 07:07 PM	#5
greendelight Rose Trellis Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 1,844	Re: Yelling Support Thread Is this just for yelling at our children? 'Cause I don't yell at dd. But I do yell at dh in front of dd. A lot. __________________ Nickie wife to dh since 12/20/03 mama to dd since 5/24/10

11-04-2011, 07:08 PM	#6
nanookmama Rose Trellis It's gonna be a great day. Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Colorado! Posts: 1,503	Re: Yelling Support Thread __________________ Sarah Wife to the Poet Mom to Adelaide (3) and Aliza (21 months) Resurrecting MamaPsalmist Press Pause Photography

11-04-2011, 07:13 PM	#7
ReedleBeetle Rose Garden In memory of a friend that is now painting with The Master. Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Lost in that place inside my head Posts: 23,521	Re: Yelling Support Thread I'm struggling again with it due to my life right now more than anything. I'm trying to "take the power" back from my situation and not let it decide my life for me. In the meantime....I need this thread. Lisa, I totally get what you are saying. I need to prep, which helps, I need the rest, and I need "me" time. __________________ RiAnnon infj/dyt3 Strong. Passionate. Courageous. Committed. Creative. Intuitive. Spiritual. Independent. Perfectly imperfect Momma to Isaac May 2005 Stephen (istj/dyt4) June 2004 He is my night and I am his fire. Missing Katelee (6/98) and Eden (1/12)

11-04-2011, 07:14 PM	#8
MiriamRose Rose Garden Growing is hard work Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: By the ocean! Posts: 3,946	Re: Yelling Support Thread Bringing my tea to this thread. I need it, a lot, right now. I have always had a temper (it used to only come out when I was pushed to a huge extreme ) but pregnancy hormones and feeling physically miserable for weeks on end have made me quick to anger. While I understand the reasons for it and it feels completely out of my control, especially in the moment, it's no excuse. It is not ok for me to treat my child with anything but kindness and respect no matter how much I am melting down. In addition to preventing the meltdown in the first place, I need strategies for calming myself and changing my approach when I am already boiling over, instead of letting my fury spend itself. I will usually "watch" myself as I am screaming and think "this is not ok, I don't want to yell, look how scared/confused he looks, I wish I could stop" but it feels so overwhelming and out of control and I can't stop the train until the energy is used up. I really don't like that. __________________ Sharon INFJ Babywearing, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, cloth-diapering mama to Zulu 11/30/09 and Echo 5/12/12 Wife to my Submariner for 5 years!

11-04-2011, 07:16 PM	#9
charla Moderator Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 6,982	Re: Yelling Support Thread These have helped me (links broken because I haven't read any other content): http://codenamemama.com/2010/08/31/100-things-to-do-instead-of-yelling-or-spanking/ http:// afterthefirecameagentlewhisper.blogspot.com/2011/01/confessions-of-reformed-yeller-part-1.html (several parts - I've only linked to part 1) I used to beat myself up and go to bed crying often because I felt like such an awful mother when I yelled at my kids. I found that as I immersed myself in finding God's grace for myself and stopped beating myself up, it helped me find grace for my children and I yelled less. Now I know that I can ask my children's forgiveness; it is not unpardonable. I might need to review all of this though. Old habits do die hard. __________________ CHARLA ISFJ Married to my beloved husband for 20 years Mommy to my treasured son (12) and my precious daughter (9) and my three cherished babies in heaven www.miscarriagehope.com

11-04-2011, 07:25 PM	#11
Elora Rose Garden Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 15,705	Re: Yelling Support Thread sleep eliminating caffeine eating right getting out of the house having my belongings MOVED INTO MY HOUSE AND FINDING A PLACE FOR THEM SO I KNOW WHERE THEY ARE AND I DON'T LOSE MY MIND LOOKING FOR SOMETHING EVERYTIME I NEED ANYTHING WOULD HELP A LOT __________________ ENTP DS 12-26-06 DD 02-01-09 DS 12-26-10

11-04-2011, 07:27 PM	#12
charla Moderator Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 6,982	Re: Yelling Support Thread I find when I have too much to do and not enough time to do it, my fuse gets awfully short. So yes, lack of planning may be the culprit for me. __________________ CHARLA ISFJ Married to my beloved husband for 20 years Mommy to my treasured son (12) and my precious daughter (9) and my three cherished babies in heaven www.miscarriagehope.com

11-04-2011, 07:28 PM	#13
canadiyank Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Central WA Posts: 17,458	Re: Yelling Support Thread Yeah, lack of planning. That's a biggie for me...if I have a "purpose" to my day I do a LOT better. Hmm. __________________ Meghan INFJ WAHM to dd1 (11yo), dd2 (8yo), and dd3 (3yo).

11-04-2011, 07:33 PM	#14
Cook Rose Bush Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Warner Robins GA Posts: 310	Re: Yelling Support Thread Hi Ladies. I'm Annie and I'm a yeller __________________ ~Annie~ Blessed Army wife since March '04 Mom to: Darrell (12/06) Jonas (04/08) and Katie (07/09)

11-04-2011, 07:40 PM	#15
GraceFirst Rosebud Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 104	Re: Yelling Support Thread My patience is the shortest (and thus yelling ensues) when I am engrossed in something that is important to ME, something I want to do for ME, and the kids start fighting or need something (that they can easily do themselves and don't need me for) and I can't get MY stuff done. I am trying to do too much. It helps me to just know that between the hours of approx 7am to 8/9pm I should not try and pour myself into anything else that requires all my attention. Then I am not setting myself up for frustration. On one hand I feel like I'm never going to be able to do anything for myself, but on the other hand I know that right now during this phase of life I am pouring myself into my little ones and will have time later on down the road for personal time. Just the way it is right now. And they are worth it. __________________ mom to 3 blessings "Our children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see." - John W. Whitehead

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