Yelling Support Thread

[Tandem mama]

I'm Megan and I'm a yeller.

Things I KNOW are triggers for me:
Lack of sleep
Trying to do things like cleaning or phone conversations and being interrupted
Stress
Too much time with punitive people especially yellers

Tools I've found help:
Using tv on days I know I'm likely to yell because of stress or lack of sleep.
Going somewhere else where people will occupy and play with the girls.

Things I really need help with:
Forgiving myself
Finding more tools
Balancing our schedule so I don't get to the point I feel I'll never take care of family administration things then get overwhelmed when I try and they don't cooperate

[ThreeKids]

I think if I can just let go of my dream to get out of the house today, I'll yell less. I'm not going to get the things done I need to get done to get out of the house so discovering new messes isn't going to change that.

[Delaney]

I am here too.
This time of year gets harder for me. Not only do I have the cold weather/winter blahs, and we become more cooped up indoors, but my windows are closed most of the time as well, so I know people can't hear me.

I need this.

[charla]

Originally Posted by ThreeKids

I think if I can just let go of my dream to get out of the house today, I'll yell less. I'm not going to get the things done I need to get done to get out of the house so discovering new messes isn't going to change that.

Too high of expectations is probably another trigger for me.

[Tandem mama]

Originally Posted by charla

Too high of expectations is probably another trigger for me.

I'm still learning to keep in mind that my hyper verbal child is 3 not 8

[GentleMomof4]

Originally Posted by MamaMiriam

Bringing my tea to this thread. I need it, a lot, right now. I have always had a temper (it used to only come out when I was pushed to a huge extreme ) but pregnancy hormones and feeling physically miserable for weeks on end have made me quick to anger. While I understand the reasons for it and it feels completely out of my control, especially in the moment, it's no excuse. It is not ok for me to treat my child with anything but kindness and respect no matter how much I am melting down.

In addition to preventing the meltdown in the first place, I need strategies for calming myself and changing my approach when I am already boiling over, instead of letting my fury spend itself. I will usually "watch" myself as I am screaming and think "this is not ok, I don't want to yell, look how scared/confused he looks, I wish I could stop" but it feels so overwhelming and out of control and I can't stop the train until the energy is used up. I really don't like that.

This is me. It's horrible to watch yourself spiral and, for whatever reason, not be able to stop it.

[swimming with sharks]

Originally Posted by GentleMomof4

This is me. It's horrible to watch yourself spiral and, for whatever reason, not be able to stop it.

BUT...the good news is YOU CAN. You CAN choose to stop....right in the MIDDLE of an UGLY, STUPID, RANT at that little kid who has stepping into who knows what. Just stop....and PRAY OUT LOUD.

Jesus I've lost my patience/temper/I feel so bad right now. I need YOUR help. Please help me be patient and kind. In Jesus' name. Amen.

I know it sounds silly and SUPER simple, but as an adult WE CAN control ourselves. I found myself doing this, watching from outside my body being like WHAT AM I DOING??? How can I stop and one day it just hit me. Just STOP....It's REALLY hard to do it, but the first time you do it, you'll feel SOOOO incredibly POWERFUL...like JESUS is right there holding your hand helping you step on the slippery rocks. It gets easier each time and pretty soon, you see yourself stopping before you start screaming. You'll make mistakes and I find yelling is an easy habit to slip back into when I'm tired, expecting too much, frustrated with something/someone else. I hope no one thinks I'm making light of their burden, this is just one of the BIGGIES that has worked for me in the past.

I also have a big hand lettered sign on the refrigerator that says, "Don't FEED THE BEAST, take a deep breath" I will not be a tool used by Satan to hurt my children to the best of my ability.

[Tandem mama]

I find that where I am with God directly effects my yelling

[nessnco]

Originally Posted by swimming with sharks

Jesus I've lost my patience/temper/I feel so bad right now. I need YOUR help. Please help me be patient and kind. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Thank you

[mollobe]

Wow, just started yesterday and already 3 pages long!
I definitely need this support.

[Soaring Eagle]

I'll join in this group. Kids hate it when I yell - I do too. I never knew I had this problem until I had kids.

[ThreeKids]

I just calmly said, "no, I don't want you mashing blueberries" after ds asked where the potato masher is. Granted, I haven't worked up the courage to look around the corner yet.

[celestial princess]

Originally Posted by rjruiz_415

Thank you for starting this thread I yell. ALOT. It makes me sick to think of it, cause it is just another thing that I do that reminds me of the horrible way I was raised, and how I swore to never do that to my children

This precisely.

[Soaring Eagle]

I find when I have too much caffeine, lack of sleep, whining children, didn't have my quiet time first thing in the morning to be triggers. I really need alone time to recharge. When I don't get it first thing in the morning focus/spend time with Jesus, before kids get up, then I'm not so patient.

[canadiyank]

I think that's the big thing - I read once that said something like, "Isn't it amazing how we can be in the middle of a rant and UPS shows up at our door, or the phone rings, or our MIL stops by, and we can cut off our rant and be as sweet as can be?" UGH! Basically it was saying that we DO have the ability to *stop* - it's tough, yeah, but we *can.*

For me a lot of it is wanting to in the middle of me melting down. Not just how do I stop, but why don't I want to? It baffles me. Somehow I feel justified. Maybe, like, someone else mentioned, there's some sort of "high" that's hard to break (I have never considered that before).