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Old 04-11-2012, 03:37 PM   #1
Tandem mama
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Default How to parent patiently when you need to grieve

So my grandma is dying. I'm having lots of big feelings, of course. I have zero patience for sunshine's insistence on tackling me and her sister. I have no patience for her refusal to listen when I say "stop sitting on the baby's head"

I want to scream and yell because I'm so angry and sad and I can't deal with them because I keep yelling at them. Dh shoul be home soon. I'm going to go get in the tub-locking the door behind me. I need to be alone to process a little. I need some quiet still time.

I have apologized so many times and told sunshine I'm very sad because grandma is dying. We've talked about how she will sleep until Jesus comes back and how she will not be hurting anymore. We've talked about memories of her. We've played "dead guy"

I'm trying so hard to help her process I'm not doing it myself. She's seen me cry and hugged me and said she was sad too. It was very sweet. Then she tackled her sister and wouldn't let go despite her sister asking her to stop.


How do I parent when all I want to do is lay in bed and cry?
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Old 04-11-2012, 04:12 PM   #2
blondie
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Default Re: How to parent patiently when you need to grieve



I was in your same place last summer.

I laid in bed and cried while O watched TV and we snuggled a lot. My husband was also super helpful.
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Old 04-11-2012, 05:16 PM   #3
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Default Re: How to parent patiently when you need to grieve

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Old 04-11-2012, 05:18 PM   #4
Tandem mama
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Default Re: How to parent patiently when you need to grieve

Dh came home and sent me to the tub. He took care of the girls and dinner.

I had a good cry. I'm feeling more able to properly parent bright now
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Old 04-11-2012, 05:56 PM   #5
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Default Re: How to parent patiently when you need to grieve

I am praying for you, mama. Some of what you are describing, I don't see how you can avoid it. You are trying; you are loving; you are helping your dc process; you (all) need time. As Julian of Norwich said in the twelfth century, "All will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of thing will be well." Blessings and prayers coming your way.
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Old 04-11-2012, 06:15 PM   #6
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Old 04-12-2012, 07:18 PM   #7
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Default Re: How to parent patiently when you need to grieve

You know I'm here if you need anything.
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Old 04-12-2012, 08:22 PM   #8
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Default Re: How to parent patiently when you need to grieve

I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. I dealt with grief and feeling overwhelmed two and a half years ago when my mother-in-law passed away suddenly from a heart attack. I dealt with a lot of emotions. I was trying to help my husband cope. I was trying to help his family where they needed it. I had my own grief. She had a three day viewing and I had to be there the entire time. On top of all of that, I had to tend to things at home.

Obviously my son, having no concept of grief that adults feel, wasn't exactly cutting me any slack. I really had to walk the fine line of allowing myself to grieve, but do it in private so I wouldn't overly upset my husband or frighten my son. My son asked us every day for a month after the funeral if she was a skeleton yet. I think one thing that helped was my mother really helped me by taking care of my DS while I needed to help care for my husband and attend the funeral. And then at night, I allowed myself time to process my feelings of remorse (I never visited her in the nursing home), grief, sadness that I never got to know her without her having Alzheimer's Disease. Sadness for my husband not having any living parents or grandparents.

My advice is let your husband help where he wants to help and grieve when you feel the need to grieve. Bottling it up inside makes it so much harder.
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