Gentle Christian Mothers Community - View Single Post - Very troubled by this sibling issue..... need some pointers

Petie · 08-08-2012, 01:19 PM

Your language is standing out to me.

"ask him to give the toy back"
"refuses to put back food"
"heart problem"

Etc.

Basically I'm stuck on your wording. So I'm going to address that a little.

Don't ask him to give the toy back. Say " you may not take that you, you need to give it back." Does he have his own toys that he isn't required to share? He may be feeling a loss of control over everything and wants to reclaim it.

For food, don't let him serve himself. All mine are older and even the 15 yr old waits to be served ( though he is perfectly capable of serving himself its a respect thing). We also emphasize that serving goes youngest to oldest. I wouldn't trust my 6 yr old to properly serve himself or he'd have a belly full of mashed potatoes and no meat or carrots.

His heart issue is that he has watched this other person come in and steal his things. I know that's not what really happened but in his mind this is what happened. Naomi Aldort explained it like this.

How would you like your husband to come home one day and say "hey, I got another wife. Now I want you to share nicely and be polite to her and don't get mad when it's her night in bed with me.". We would totally lose it, and yet that is exactly what we say to our children.

How much time does he get away from his brother? Why is he required to share a seat with his brother? Is it the only seat available? Does e get one on one mommy time? Remember that three is still a little guy and cuddles and loves from mommy, uninterrupted are still extremely important.

08-08-2012, 01:19 PM	#7
Petie Climbing Rose Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: Arizona Posts: 1,289	Your language is standing out to me. "ask him to give the toy back" "refuses to put back food" "heart problem" Etc. Basically I'm stuck on your wording. So I'm going to address that a little. Don't ask him to give the toy back. Say " you may not take that you, you need to give it back." Does he have his own toys that he isn't required to share? He may be feeling a loss of control over everything and wants to reclaim it. For food, don't let him serve himself. All mine are older and even the 15 yr old waits to be served ( though he is perfectly capable of serving himself its a respect thing). We also emphasize that serving goes youngest to oldest. I wouldn't trust my 6 yr old to properly serve himself or he'd have a belly full of mashed potatoes and no meat or carrots. His heart issue is that he has watched this other person come in and steal his things. I know that's not what really happened but in his mind this is what happened. Naomi Aldort explained it like this. How would you like your husband to come home one day and say "hey, I got another wife. Now I want you to share nicely and be polite to her and don't get mad when it's her night in bed with me.". We would totally lose it, and yet that is exactly what we say to our children. How much time does he get away from his brother? Why is he required to share a seat with his brother? Is it the only seat available? Does e get one on one mommy time? Remember that three is still a little guy and cuddles and loves from mommy, uninterrupted are still extremely important. __________________ INTJ Mom of 4 Gav 17 Justin 13 Lala 11 Simon 8

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