[MamaD]

Petie,

Thanks for your comments. I know where you're getting at with my language. I'll clarify: Even though I said that I "ask him" to give the toy back, I AM saying "You may not take it from his hands. Give it back to him", firmly. I am not saying "Could you" or "will you" or "can you" give it back? So there is no problem there with that kind of language concerns.

On serving himself - I don't always do it, but only occasionally. I take your advice and not let him serve himself. That's fine. But my post recent comment refenced the issues I run into when I serve him less than what he wants - then what? (see my description in above post).

"How would you like your husband to come home one day and say 'hey, I got another wife. Now I want you to share nicely and be polite to her and don't get mad when it's her night in bed with me' ". I do know that this is what it's like to him. I do know that it is hard having a sibling. My question was (and still is) - How can I help create more harmony, loving, and positive experience amongst the siblings?

"why is he required to share a seat with his brother? is it the only seat available?" No that's not the only seat available. We have 2 double seat kids chairs. And I am NOT requiring him to share the same seat. To clarify what I was describing, I'm talking about #1 intentionally scooting to the middle of the double-seat chair/bench and sticking his butt to the middle the moment #2 comes and wants to sit in the same double-seat chair with him; I'm talking about manners & courtesy - when someone comes and wants to join you, you scoot over and give a little room to them, or you just don't sit your butt right in the middle of a multi-seat chair when there is someone else around that may want to sit down too. Where else are you going to learn those courtesy but starting at home? Sometimes he even pushes brother off the chair when brother tries to sit next to him. None of that is acceptable to me. And like I said in my original post, I know I can't just fix his behavior or tell him what to do when the kindness and courtesy needs to come from the heart. I want to learn how to nurture the kindness from the heart.

"How much time does he get away from his brother?" Not too much but on daily basis we have "quiet time" when he goes to his own room to read and play with whatever he wants in his own room (door closed) for anywhere between 15-25 minutes and then go down to nap on his own when his timer beeps (I set the timer for how long to play before he has to sleep). And the quiet time (quiet alone play + nap) altogether is 1.5 - 2 hours daily. Also, after he wakes up from nap, there is usually 30 minutes of him without brother (either doing something on his own, watching what I'm doing, or doing something with me) until brother wakes up too.


"one on one mommy time"? none scheduled now but it typically happens speratically when DH has #2 for a few minutes here and there, I will read with #1.