[bliss]

I am revisiting this thread a million years later because I got stuck in a circular conversation with a Dobson mama on this this weekend. I could not get across to her that a two year old does NOT look you in the eye, say in her mind, "I know this is against the rules, but I've decided with full forethought to say 'screw you, mama' and do it anyway!!" I talked about positive and negative intent, I talked about what I like to call "toddler as scientist" (the idea that every experience is a learning experience for children and, while they've been told not to pull the cat's TAIL, noone has told them not to pull the cat's WHISKERS, and what will happen if I give THAT a shot?) I felt like I got stuck and could not get through with the idea that esp for a toddler/preschooler, that "willful spirit of defiance" is NOT what's happening, and even on the outside chance that it IS, spanking is NOT going to fix it.
Anyway, I think it's great that this thread is still here all this time later, because it has so many valuable ideas in it.