Wow. This thread has helped me AMAZINGLY. I kept thinking 'What do you do when it's willful defiance?' As though that's a whole 'nother level of awful. It's truly a relief to know that I don't have to discern that in the moment but that I can watch trends of how my child is behaving and address those issues at another time.
I've got a lot of
to do.
Thank you thank you thank you to everyone who gave examples and responses... it's helped me immensely.