[ArmsOfLove]

Originally Posted by Molly

Thanks Crystal, that was a really simple way of putting it. I really appreciate that. It certainly will make me think when it comes to the children and their defiance. I do have a question though, not sure whether this has already been discussed as I only your original post. What if the defiance is against doing something? Eg my daughter was adamant that she was not going to do her school work with me yesterday, I have no idea why but she was in a very cranky mood not wanting to do anything at all that I suggested. How do you deal with that? Do you as the parent ask why she is feeling that way, why she is not wanting to do school work? Sorry, but I am only just beginning on my journey as a grace based parent.

I can answer briefly but I'm sure a new post started with this situation will get lots of different ideas for you. Usually I evaluate the situation using the HALT (I know some have added other letters that are great but I can never remember them 3). This is basically to stop and ask if the child is Hungry, Anxious, Lonely or Tired. Add in whatever other things are usually a trigger for your child and most times it's pretty easy to figure out what is impacting them. Take some time to address the emotion or underlying issue and then you will gain cooperation (or remove the reason it wasn't coming). You can ask with an older child but not all children are able to know and express their feelings until they are taught. My guess is she was either hungry or tired or something negative happened at school she hadn't yet processed