[Joanne]

Time outs arn't working but am still not sure on the comfort corner idea. I mean, if ds (4) hits me or another family member, What do I say?

Do I say maybe it is time to sit in your corner? How can I let him know that it is not ok to hit/hurt/spit yet not have him go, "oh mum just got me to sit down, I can do the wrong behaviour again."???

Is there a place where I can find out the answers to these questions???

Jen *confused

It takes time to understand how something can be discipline, not permissive and not punitive.

I would not suggest the comfort corner for a child who hit. I'd say "Hitting hurts. It's not respectful". If necessary, I'd remove the child from play. I'd find out why they hit and help them find another way to handle the same situation the next time. I'd practice that solution with the child. I'd encourage (strongly, as they get older) an apology.

The comfort corner is not a *substitute* for a time out. It's an alternative philosophy. I'd use a comfort corner for a child who is wound up, amped up, or their emotion is so big they are having trouble behaving appropriately. It would not be to punish, or for them to think about what they need. But a place to calm, to regroup, to gather and collect the inner resources to do better.

Let's say you make a series of mistakes with your husband. What would work better with you?

1) You get a lecture, a consequence (he doesn't take you to dinner) or attention withdrawn?

or

2) He explain why what you did hurt or angered him and gives you time and space to take a bath, read, call a friend, pray?

Children do and learn better when the environment around them is warm, positive and loving. They don't have to be made to feel bad in order to do good.