A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5

Heather Micaela · 09-16-2008, 03:08 PM

I don't know if I have stated this outright before, but after learning that the Biblical Hebrew concept of an infant is up till age 5 I have made a conscious effort to expect less of my children and avoid "you ought to know better". While I would never tell my children they are babies and I encourage their growing up, it is amazing how much more smoothly life runs when I realize just how young even a 4 year old is.

I find it fascinating that National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) calls children "Young children" till they reach 8 and essentially asserts that we should treat 5-6-7 year olds as we do preschoolers. The funny thing is that at 8, I declared myself a big kid without knowing that someone else already defined that age as a cut off.

So going a step further I see that acknowledging them at 4 as really still being babyish helps me show much more grace and reminds me to not have them grow up as fast. And for some reason at 5 they almost instantly gain the maturity of a "young child."

(That is why I had the chorus of "Let Them Be Little" in my siggy for a long time.)

Anyway I wanted to share some reasons I found viewing them as babies (but not treating them like babies) to be helpful:

* I do not get angry at potty accidents
* I expect that there will be messes and food dropped
* I realize that they need help with anything that requires responsibility (like cleaning up)
* I don't get as frustrated with tears and tantrums
* I allow them to be clingy when they need to be
* I don't feel the need to push them to their own bed if they are not ready
* I remember that they cannot do a lot of things and I cant get frustrated for them needing assistance
* I don't criticise them for being selfish - they will grow out of it
* I don't worry about their lack of independence
* I don't care if they don't want to engage in activities without a parent there

I could go on.

And while maturity is gradual I think there is also some validity of not expecting real maturity to emerge till 13. This is another milestone age I have seen (in others' kids ) as being significant.

(Edit: My oldest will be thirteen soon and I am seeing that difference emerge.)

poleidopy · 09-16-2008, 03:09 PM

wow, thank you so much for that post!

Serafine · 09-16-2008, 03:11 PM

emmalouise · 09-16-2008, 03:12 PM

Thank you for this post, Heather!!

simplegirl · 09-16-2008, 03:15 PM

love it!

Bonnie · 09-16-2008, 03:22 PM

Thank you so much...I plan to come back to this.

Heather Micaela · 09-16-2008, 03:23 PM

You are welcome and thanks for the nice words.
(I actually expected criticism

)

Teribear · 09-16-2008, 03:28 PM

Extremely insightful. Fits right in with what I believe about delayed academics and unschooling as well.

zak · 09-16-2008, 03:30 PM

My good friend and I were just talking about this recently (the Jewish idea of "infants" being birth to five).

Puts a new frame on your parenting, I think.

Heather Micaela · 09-16-2008, 03:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teribear

Fits right in with what I believe about delayed academics and unschooling as well.

Absolutely

Herbwifemama · 09-16-2008, 03:34 PM

I love it. And it's hard for me to remember, so I"m glad for the reminder.

It's in line with Waldorf beliefs too, where the child is seen as in a dreamy, childlike phase until the loss of their baby teeth, which happens around the age of 6-7. At that point, there are certain brain developments happening that signal their readiness to begin schooling.

MarynMunchkins · 09-16-2008, 03:35 PM

I've found this to be very helpful for me as well - although, personally, I noticed a HUGE difference in maturity at 7. It was as if a switch flipped with my older two on their 7th birthday.

Dana Joy · 09-16-2008, 03:39 PM

I've thought this way ever since I got my credential in early childhood- it was ages 0 to 6 years.

09-16-2008, 03:45 PM

wow thank you... very true!!

any links/starting places to study the hebrew word for child/infant etc????

ArmsOfLove · 09-16-2008, 03:49 PM

I know someone has a link to Samuel Martin's book "Spare the Rod"--I think it's posted in GD

I talk about this more in my second book Grace-Based Living

I do find it much more loving to think of my children as "babies" until age 6. 5 is a great big transition from preschooler to kid and then there is a huge maturity surge with my children around age 8 (they change at 7 but not as much as at 8

)

09-16-2008, 03:08 PM	#1
Heather Micaela Rose Garden Bar/Bat Mitzvah picture with husband Michael. Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Within sight and earshot of the Disneyland fireworks Posts: 39,893	A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5 I don't know if I have stated this outright before, but after learning that the Biblical Hebrew concept of an infant is up till age 5 I have made a conscious effort to expect less of my children and avoid "you ought to know better". While I would never tell my children they are babies and I encourage their growing up, it is amazing how much more smoothly life runs when I realize just how young even a 4 year old is. I find it fascinating that National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) calls children "Young children" till they reach 8 and essentially asserts that we should treat 5-6-7 year olds as we do preschoolers. The funny thing is that at 8, I declared myself a big kid without knowing that someone else already defined that age as a cut off. So going a step further I see that acknowledging them at 4 as really still being babyish helps me show much more grace and reminds me to not have them grow up as fast. And for some reason at 5 they almost instantly gain the maturity of a "young child." (That is why I had the chorus of "Let Them Be Little" in my siggy for a long time.) Anyway I wanted to share some reasons I found viewing them as babies (but not treating them like babies) to be helpful: * I do not get angry at potty accidents * I expect that there will be messes and food dropped * I realize that they need help with anything that requires responsibility (like cleaning up) * I don't get as frustrated with tears and tantrums * I allow them to be clingy when they need to be * I don't feel the need to push them to their own bed if they are not ready * I remember that they cannot do a lot of things and I cant get frustrated for them needing assistance * I don't criticise them for being selfish - they will grow out of it * I don't worry about their lack of independence * I don't care if they don't want to engage in activities without a parent there I could go on. And while maturity is gradual I think there is also some validity of not expecting real maturity to emerge till 13. This is another milestone age I have seen (in others' kids ) as being significant. (Edit: My oldest will be thirteen soon and I am seeing that difference emerge.) __________________ Heather ESFJ T4 Messianic Joshua-13 Christina- 11 Amalia Linda-8.5 Trinity-7 Gabriel-5 w/ADHD, ASD & Dyslexia Taylor Jordan11/15/04 SkyeDakota10/12/05 Life is a pile of good things & bad things The good things don't always soften the bad things but the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things Last edited by Heather Micaela; 05-08-2014 at 12:04 AM. Reason: update sort of

09-16-2008, 03:09 PM	#2
poleidopy Deactivated Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace. Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Where I'm loved. Posts: 16,592	Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5 wow, thank you so much for that post!

09-16-2008, 03:11 PM	#3
Serafine Deactivated Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 9,444	Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5

09-16-2008, 03:12 PM	#4
emmalouise Deactivated Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 1,472	Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5 Thank you for this post, Heather!!

09-16-2008, 03:15 PM	#5
simplegirl Rose Garden She's a good girl, loves her Mama, loves Jesus, and Kentucky too Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 7,873	Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5 love it! __________________ Wife to Designer/Creative Director ESFJ - piano teacher Noah 2005 Coleman 2007 Josie 2018

09-16-2008, 03:22 PM	#6
Bonnie Rose Garden Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: San Antonio, TX Posts: 16,861	Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5 Thank you so much...I plan to come back to this. __________________ Bonnie, part Vulcan, wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey sexy-wexy USAF wife of 20 years to G Mom to Nathan (12.5), Nora (10.5), Katie (7.9) and Ev (4.5!!) Mauka & Makai 12/29/08 Occasional "Dorm Mom" to M the wonder student

09-16-2008, 03:23 PM	#7
Heather Micaela Rose Garden Bar/Bat Mitzvah picture with husband Michael. Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Within sight and earshot of the Disneyland fireworks Posts: 39,893	Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5 You are welcome and thanks for the nice words. (I actually expected criticism ) __________________ Heather ESFJ T4 Messianic Joshua-13 Christina- 11 Amalia Linda-8.5 Trinity-7 Gabriel-5 w/ADHD, ASD & Dyslexia Taylor Jordan11/15/04 SkyeDakota10/12/05 Life is a pile of good things & bad things The good things don't always soften the bad things but the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things

09-16-2008, 03:28 PM	#8
Teribear Deactivated Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 7,691	Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5 Extremely insightful. Fits right in with what I believe about delayed academics and unschooling as well.

09-16-2008, 03:30 PM	#9
zak Administrator Friend of the Fellowship Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: The South Posts: 33,212	Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5 My good friend and I were just talking about this recently (the Jewish idea of "infants" being birth to five). Puts a new frame on your parenting, I think. __________________ -zak Wife to MrZak Mama to the ZakKids - 2005, 2007, 2010, 2012 and 2017 Dedicated GCMer since 2003 Administrator and Moderating Cradled, Babes, Breastfeeding, Beautiful Mothers and Circumcision

09-16-2008, 03:34 PM	#11
Herbwifemama Deactivated dd running through the sprinkler last summer Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 7,345	Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5 I love it. And it's hard for me to remember, so I"m glad for the reminder. It's in line with Waldorf beliefs too, where the child is seen as in a dreamy, childlike phase until the loss of their baby teeth, which happens around the age of 6-7. At that point, there are certain brain developments happening that signal their readiness to begin schooling.

09-16-2008, 03:35 PM	#12
MarynMunchkins Deactivated Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 38,127	Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5 I've found this to be very helpful for me as well - although, personally, I noticed a HUGE difference in maturity at 7. It was as if a switch flipped with my older two on their 7th birthday.

09-16-2008, 03:39 PM	#13
Dana Joy Deactivated AKA "Mommy Piadosa" or on FB "PunkHippyMommy" Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 14,478	Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5 I've thought this way ever since I got my credential in early childhood- it was ages 0 to 6 years.

09-16-2008, 03:45 PM	#14
lettucebabies Guest Posts: n/a	Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5 wow thank you... very true!! any links/starting places to study the hebrew word for child/infant etc????

09-16-2008, 03:49 PM	#15
ArmsOfLove Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 79,607	Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5 I know someone has a link to Samuel Martin's book "Spare the Rod"--I think it's posted in GD I talk about this more in my second book Grace-Based Living I do find it much more loving to think of my children as "babies" until age 6. 5 is a great big transition from preschooler to kid and then there is a huge maturity surge with my children around age 8 (they change at 7 but not as much as at 8 ) __________________ Crystal "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." Maya Angelou

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