As you transition from one child to two...

mellymommy · 04-17-2011, 09:09 PM

Transitioning from one child to two quite possibly can be the most harried, traumatic, stressful, questioning time of your life. You are still a newbie to the phase of life of your firstborn child and now have a second fragile life to manage. I remember feeling like life was impossible and that someone needed to come take these children because I had no idea what was going on, who I was as an individual, or what needed to be done to keep everyone happy and moving forward in life.

This transition is magnified if you add #2 within 2.5-3 years as you haven't had enough time to really develop as a mother and you are trying to find your footing and figure out what happened to your sweet 1st born who is now a whirling dervish of tears and tantrums AND nourish the body and spirit of the new babe AND still keep the house from being showcased on some sort of hoarding biopic AND still be attractive and pleasing to your hubby and...wait...isn't there something I keep forgetting...oh pooping and showering!!! Really, this phase of life is stressful.

I want to encourage you, New Mamas of 2 Little Ones, that you WILL survive this phase and so will your children. Yes, it is inordinately difficult and unpleasant. Yes, you will field criticisms from various venues but please tune them out. Your oldest probably will be wild and unruly for a little while because he/she is struggling how to function in this new life, too. He/she is very young and many of his/her age-appropriate behavior will be magnified and feel very overwhelming. Stay calm, have grace, breathe deeply, cry if you need, vent if you need, but know that you and your firstborn will grow past this.

Have grace with yourself. Let things slide like dinner from scratch, cloth diapers (if you need the laundry and poop break), your ladies' Bible study, taking dinner to families at church, even big family gatherings (which can be a breeding ground of heartless, thoughtless criticism). Let your family grow at their own pace and not at the pace of what your mom/dad/pastor/friend/co-worker/etc. thinks is "normal" or best. Hide yourself away, if you need. Protect your heart and your family from outside stress. It is okay to disappear for a while.

You have our full support here. We are with you every step and are praying for God's blessings in your family and are excited to see God develop love, grace, and intimacy in your lives. Take heart!!!!

mom2boys · 04-20-2011, 01:30 PM

for such a wonderful bit of advice and encouragement!

YolandaWELS · 04-20-2011, 01:37 PM

Awww! I love this. Thank you so much for the encouragement and support!!

I hate feeling like I want to throw myself out of the kitchen windows sometimes.

Thank you

I love disappearing from people ......

NewLeaf · 04-20-2011, 01:38 PM

I wish I could have read this 2 years ago!

I thought the transition was going to KILL ME. Truly. Add a baby that did not sleep and it felt like my life was over.

At four weeks pp someone at a birthday party asked how things were going and the words "It's pure hell." flew out of my mouth before I knew what happened.

But it DID get better! And the transition to three was a piece of

.

tofufoofoo · 04-20-2011, 01:38 PM

so much for that... I needed to read that right now so badly! Could I post that on my facebook wall by any chance? There are members of my family that totally need to read it!

Lady Grey · 04-20-2011, 02:19 PM

It is interesting to hear what different mothers say is the hardest transition. Mine has definitely been going from 2-3 and I would even say that 1-2 was easier than 0-1 for us.

I think it definitely depends on the spacing, personality of mama, personality and need level of the older child(ren), personality/need level of the new baby, pregnancy/birth/postpartum health, postpartum support, health of marriage, weather and ease of getting outdoors, etc.....

I do

and agree with your words of encouragement.

mellymommy · 04-20-2011, 03:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tofufoofoo

so much for that... I needed to read that right now so badly! Could i post that on my facebook wall by any chance? There are members of my family that totally need to read it!

absolutely!!!

ilovewest · 04-20-2011, 10:03 PM

I think I'm going to print this out and tape copies to every flat surface in my house when #2 gets here..... Bless you for posting this. Thank you!

CCmomma · 04-21-2011, 05:21 AM

I love this!!! It was just what I needed to read after getting a little less patient with my DD this past week! Thank you.

magpiedpiper · 04-21-2011, 05:56 AM

Thank you. Since day one of finding out about number two, I've been worried about how dd1 will do when the baby gets here, and subsequently how we will respond when tired/stressed etc. She will be so blindsided by the baby since she does not even remotely get the concept of me being pregnant right now. So thanks for the assurance that though it will be hard, that if we just work through it in our own family's time and with God's hand on us that the hard times will pass.

Elyse221 · 04-25-2011, 10:26 AM

Thanks for this! I'll have to bookmark this for when #2 is in the works!

L-Boogie · 04-25-2011, 10:42 AM

I think this would make a great sticky...

Oh and I would add that this transition lasts quite a while, depending on your situation

. I hope no one reads this as only applying to the first couple weeks. Have grace with yourselves, mamas

3boysforme · 04-25-2011, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NewLeaf

I wish I could have read this 2 years ago!

I thought the transition was going to KILL ME. Truly. Add a baby that did not sleep and it felt like my life was over.

At four weeks pp someone at a birthday party asked how things were going and the words "It's pure hell." flew out of my mouth before I knew what happened.

But it DID get better! And the transition to three was a piece of

.

Oh yea, 1 to 2 was definitely a trying time in my life. Especially since Ds1 was barely 2 when ds2 came along. BUT, we survived and thrived and even added a third ds to the group. And I definitely agree that 2 to 3 is a piece of cake.

crunchymum · 04-25-2011, 11:06 AM

So well put, melody!!!!

I'm on round 2 of "toddler + baby", AND I have older kids to help, and I STILL have a hard time remembering this season moves along and eventually passes.

even though I truly do know that it does.

MercyInDisguise · 04-26-2011, 07:51 PM

Bookmarking this for a later time!

04-17-2011, 09:09 PM	#1
mellymommy Rose Garden Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 6,944	As you transition from one child to two... Transitioning from one child to two quite possibly can be the most harried, traumatic, stressful, questioning time of your life. You are still a newbie to the phase of life of your firstborn child and now have a second fragile life to manage. I remember feeling like life was impossible and that someone needed to come take these children because I had no idea what was going on, who I was as an individual, or what needed to be done to keep everyone happy and moving forward in life. This transition is magnified if you add #2 within 2.5-3 years as you haven't had enough time to really develop as a mother and you are trying to find your footing and figure out what happened to your sweet 1st born who is now a whirling dervish of tears and tantrums AND nourish the body and spirit of the new babe AND still keep the house from being showcased on some sort of hoarding biopic AND still be attractive and pleasing to your hubby and...wait...isn't there something I keep forgetting...oh pooping and showering!!! Really, this phase of life is stressful. I want to encourage you, New Mamas of 2 Little Ones, that you WILL survive this phase and so will your children. Yes, it is inordinately difficult and unpleasant. Yes, you will field criticisms from various venues but please tune them out. Your oldest probably will be wild and unruly for a little while because he/she is struggling how to function in this new life, too. He/she is very young and many of his/her age-appropriate behavior will be magnified and feel very overwhelming. Stay calm, have grace, breathe deeply, cry if you need, vent if you need, but know that you and your firstborn will grow past this. Have grace with yourself. Let things slide like dinner from scratch, cloth diapers (if you need the laundry and poop break), your ladies' Bible study, taking dinner to families at church, even big family gatherings (which can be a breeding ground of heartless, thoughtless criticism). Let your family grow at their own pace and not at the pace of what your mom/dad/pastor/friend/co-worker/etc. thinks is "normal" or best. Hide yourself away, if you need. Protect your heart and your family from outside stress. It is okay to disappear for a while. You have our full support here. We are with you every step and are praying for God's blessings in your family and are excited to see God develop love, grace, and intimacy in your lives. Take heart!!!! __________________ Melody Married since 1999, rebuilding since June 2013 Hybrid Mommy to ds1 (12/02, SPD) dd (9/04) ds2 (10/07, C22 disorder) ds3 (5/08) ds4 (1/09) dd2 (9/11) http://www.themelodyward.com htty://www.joplinmamaresurrected.blogspot.com

04-20-2011, 01:37 PM	#3
YolandaWELS Rose Bush Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 428	Re: As you transition from one child to two... Awww! I love this. Thank you so much for the encouragement and support!! I hate feeling like I want to throw myself out of the kitchen windows sometimes. Thank you I love disappearing from people ...... __________________ ~~ Yolanda~~ Blessed with: *My husband - Married November 2004* Our Snugglebug - 5yrs old Our Gumdrop - born October 8th, 2010

04-20-2011, 01:38 PM	#4
NewLeaf Deactivated Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Second star to the right, straight on til morning. Posts: 6,571	Re: As you transition from one child to two... I wish I could have read this 2 years ago! I thought the transition was going to KILL ME. Truly. Add a baby that did not sleep and it felt like my life was over. At four weeks pp someone at a birthday party asked how things were going and the words "It's pure hell." flew out of my mouth before I knew what happened. But it DID get better! And the transition to three was a piece of .

04-20-2011, 01:38 PM	#5
tofufoofoo Rose Trellis ...and you shall nurse, you shall be carried upon her hip, and bounced upon her knees... Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 1,712	Re: As you transition from one child to two... so much for that... I needed to read that right now so badly! Could I post that on my facebook wall by any chance? There are members of my family that totally need to read it! __________________ alison wife to papa bear since 12-05 mama to my tubby little cubby 4-19-09 and my snuggly tiny teddy 4-2-11 now expecting a baby bear 7-15-13

04-20-2011, 02:19 PM	#6
Lady Grey Rose Garden Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 5,620	Re: As you transition from one child to two... It is interesting to hear what different mothers say is the hardest transition. Mine has definitely been going from 2-3 and I would even say that 1-2 was easier than 0-1 for us. I think it definitely depends on the spacing, personality of mama, personality and need level of the older child(ren), personality/need level of the new baby, pregnancy/birth/postpartum health, postpartum support, health of marriage, weather and ease of getting outdoors, etc..... I do and agree with your words of encouragement. __________________ Sara

04-20-2011, 01:30 PM	#2
mom2boys Rose Garden Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 8,811	Re: As you transition from one child to two... for such a wonderful bit of advice and encouragement! __________________ Darci wife to Lester and gentle homeschooling mama to 6 boys: Jake (20) Jesse (19) Jamie (16) Ben (14) Greyson (11) Gabe (8) INFP and DYT 3/2 Last edited by mom2boys; 04-20-2011 at 01:31 PM. Reason: fix smilies

04-20-2011, 10:03 PM	#8
ilovewest Climbing Rose Pretend you're reading something really witty here. Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Alaska Posts: 1,003	Re: As you transition from one child to two... I think I'm going to print this out and tape copies to every flat surface in my house when #2 gets here..... Bless you for posting this. Thank you!

04-21-2011, 05:21 AM	#9
CCmomma Rose Blossom Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 240	Re: As you transition from one child to two... I love this!!! It was just what I needed to read after getting a little less patient with my DD this past week! Thank you. __________________ Wife to Jim-10 years!!! Momma to Caroline 4 years old Baby Boy Cooper 1 year old

04-21-2011, 05:56 AM	#10
magpiedpiper Rose Bush Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Indiana Posts: 489	Re: As you transition from one child to two... Thank you. Since day one of finding out about number two, I've been worried about how dd1 will do when the baby gets here, and subsequently how we will respond when tired/stressed etc. She will be so blindsided by the baby since she does not even remotely get the concept of me being pregnant right now. So thanks for the assurance that though it will be hard, that if we just work through it in our own family's time and with God's hand on us that the hard times will pass. __________________ Sarah (INFJ), wife to my best friend P 7/05, SAHM to my little ladies - Funny Bunny 1/09 (apraxia of speech/ASD), and my Mischievous Mini-Me born 7/28/11

04-25-2011, 10:26 AM	#11
Elyse221 Rose Bush Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 493	Re: As you transition from one child to two... Thanks for this! I'll have to bookmark this for when #2 is in the works! __________________ Elyse ISTJ - DYT 4/1 Wife to my highschool sweetheart Mommy to: V-age 6 M -age 3.5

04-25-2011, 10:42 AM	#12
L-Boogie Rose Trellis Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 2,173	Re: As you transition from one child to two... I think this would make a great sticky... Oh and I would add that this transition lasts quite a while, depending on your situation . I hope no one reads this as only applying to the first couple weeks. Have grace with yourselves, mamas __________________ ENTP married to my love since 2004, mama to 3 incredible girls: 11/06 2/10 8/13

04-25-2011, 11:06 AM	#14
crunchymum Rose Garden speak softly and carry a big coffee Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Chicago Posts: 34,610	Re: As you transition from one child to two... So well put, melody!!!! I'm on round 2 of "toddler + baby", AND I have older kids to help, and I STILL have a hard time remembering this season moves along and eventually passes. even though I truly do know that it does. __________________ ~ jen wife to my first kiss mama to 13yo spreezy, 11yo jones, 5yo biggie, and our little greased lightning, 3yo ~ all born at home birth doula my waterbirth montage my etsy! "i did not want my children to love me because i had been an adequate mother, because i would never be one, this i already knew. i wanted my children to love me for the same reason i want my children themselves to be loved: because we are all irreducible, irreplaceable." -gina bria

04-26-2011, 07:51 PM	#15
MercyInDisguise Rose Garden The only way we'll last forever is broken together Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Georgia Posts: 7,257	Re: As you transition from one child to two... Bookmarking this for a later time! __________________ Rachel (INFJ - DYT 2) wife to my DH (INTJ) since 2008 Mama to C 6 y/o Mama to A 20 months a little one who will only ever know heaven 8/1/13

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