A Letter to New, Co-sleeping Parents

PurpleButterfly · 07-15-2005, 05:18 AM

A Letter to New, Co-sleeping Parents

We are a co-sleeping family. Our sleep-sharing son is five years old, which probably sounds a little out there to you at this moment since your babe is still so wee. At least I know that's what my reaction (and my husbands) was like at that time in our parenting "career". You just can't imagine!

shaking head with amused smile & rolling eyes

You are very likely thoroughly enjoying the sweet blessings of a family bed. And you may also be experiencing some doubts and questionings about exactly how long your baby is going to occupy your bed. I promise you, your feelings and concerns are perfectly normal. (Absolute devotion, curiosity/wondering, wishing you could sleep like you did pre-kids, twinge of guilt followed by immediate overwhelming desire to do whatever is best for your child...sound familiar?)

You've spent your whole married life alone with one another in bed; it's natural to wonder if things will ever be the same again. Well, they won't.

Because no matter whether your babe is in bed or in another bed or in another room or wherever, bottom line is; there's still a child in the house and that radically changes your lifestyle!

My husband and I find that co-sleeping actually propels us to be more creative in the romantic department, gives us *more* time to be alone with one another (because our child sleeps so well and peacefully), and brings an amazing sense of security and joy to our family.

There is never any worry of separation from fire or other catastrophe. Nobody is going to slip in and abduct our child while we sleep unawares in the room nearby. Night nursing has proven to be one of the most powerful tools when a child is sick or fighting off illness or dehydration, and co-sleeping has already proven to save our child's life on two occasions!

Once, when our son was a toddler, he vomited in his sleep while on his back. I woke up to hear him choking and see his face blue from lack of oxygen!

He was still asleep and choking to death on his own vomit! Thank God I was right there, able to hear his small gasping sounds and immediately rescucitate him! There is absolutely no way I would have been able to hear him had he not been right there beside me. That was when my husband started really raving about co-sleeping! (And, probably like most co-sleeping daddies, he's always been ultra-supportive - especially so when the guys at work would complain about lack of sleep with their new babes and he would just smile and give a well-rested grin).

Another similar situation happened when he was about three years old and was much more ill, and again, we were right there to tend to him and make sure he was safe. I don't want my child sleeping curled up in the corner of a vomit-covered bed like I have heard others talk about finding their children that way in the morning.

And my own childhood experience cannot be disregarded.

When I was five years old, I spent the day playing in rain puddles in front of my house. Within hours, while I slept that night, I developed double pneumonia, vomited in my sleep, and as I continued to sleep alone, the vomit aspirated into my lungs. I will never forget waking up and being unable to breathe, stumbling to my parents room and trying to use my voice to wake them up, but being unable to - pulling on pillows and pj's in desperation before I passed out on top of my mother. I spent two months in the hospital, living in an oxygen tent and having horrible treatments that I can still remember, and my parents were told that I might not even survive during the first two weeks.

So, health, safety, and security are some huge reasons why we are a co-sleeping family. Getting to sleep in much, much later is another!

Most children wake up, then either cry from the crib or wander from their bed, seeking out the comfort of Mom and Dad, generally waking up completely in the process. With co-sleeping, you will find your child snoozing hours longer than his peers, which not only gives you the opportunity to snooze with him, but because of nursing back to a snoozy state, also bolsters his immune system, and frees up some nice morning hours should you decide to get up and enjoy your own time. Kids who sleep with their parents don't have that sense of urgency when they wake up in the bed alone.

And I can't count how many mornings our toddler would wake up before us, but contentedly nurse, relax, sometimes play with soft toys on the bed or look through a board book (we kept a little basket at the foot of the bed for him), nurse again and then snooze right along with us or play quietly and safely right there on the bed with us while we got to sleep in a little longer. That came in especially handy for me as a SAHM when I was sick and needed some extra rest.

Co-sleeping children naturally learn to emulate their parents sleep patterns and habits, as well. A co-sleeping child who wakes in the night is comforted by the reassuring presence of his parents, and able to fall back asleep at the breast or on his own. Yes, there are times when illness or growth spurts or teething or changes in the household will disturb normal sleep, but that occurs regardless of where your child sleeps. By being right there in bed with you, the return to peaceful sleep is much quicker and easier for everyone.

My family would be amazed when they heard my son, as early as toddlerhood, tell me he was tired and wanted to sleep or nap...he is not reluctant to get into the bed or fall asleep or "miss out" on anything if he rests, because he associates sleep and our bed with gentleness, comfort, love and peace. Today as a five year old, he sleeps a solid ten to twelve hours a night!!

For working parents, co-sleeping can be a wonderful time for reconnection and snuggling that they just don't have much opportunity for, given the amount of time they must spend away from home and family. My son and his daddy love snuggling together and it is beyond beautiful to wake up to the two of them with arms around each other and our little boy feeling so safe and loved by his daddy. As my husband often says, "What an incredible way to start the day!".

As the years have flown by, we've only grown closer, and witnessed the blessings and differences in our family compared to many around us, and we've only become more convinced that co-sleeping is one of the sweetest and most treasured - and temporary, to be savored - parts of our lives.

One day you're wondering when you're going to get your privacy back, the next, your child is standing up to your armpit and learning punctuation. It happens all too fast, and before you know it, your child will not want to sleep with you anymore, will naturally begin to individuate and crave his own space, and then your time sleeping with an angel is over.

So enjoy your precious child and this limited experience in your life, and remember my family motto, "Sleep with angels while you can!"

Katydid · 07-15-2005, 05:39 AM

Awww!

That was really sweet! That's how we feel about it, too, although I've never really thought about the safety aspect about it... scary!

Yet another reason for us to

Mert · 07-15-2005, 03:40 PM

That was beautiful!! Thank you so much for sharing your heart!! What reassurance for those of us who are just starting out! May God bless you and your family!!

07-15-2005, 05:36 PM

Thanks for sharing! I'm avidly listening to any and all sharings on co-sleeping, slinging, APing in general and the pros and cons of all of them!

THANKS!

Blue Aurora · 07-15-2005, 05:51 PM

I love your letter! It makes me wish that ds still slept with us but he needed his space... I can't wait to have a new one in bed with us.

ArmsOfLove · 07-15-2005, 06:27 PM

That was beautiful! Thank you. Aidan was also saved from Co-sleeping

ShowersofBlessings · 07-15-2005, 06:54 PM

Beautiful letter!

Radosny Matka · 07-15-2005, 07:16 PM

How scary what you went through! That is the most lovely letter.

crunchymum · 07-28-2005, 09:12 PM

love it!!!

Marzipan · 07-28-2005, 09:59 PM

Dana Joy · 07-29-2005, 05:43 PM

beautiful letter- as the mama of some very big kiddos who all ended up leaving our bed at around 5 years old- cherish this time-

08-05-2005, 06:29 AM

Thank you for sharing that! It's great to be reminded of the many reasons why co-sleeping is the best thing for our babies.

08-28-2005, 07:53 AM

Thank you for your letter. I used the safety issues when I was convience dh to let us co-sleep.

Katie

slingmamaof4 · 10-30-2005, 06:38 AM

Yes!

Mine don't sleep with us all night anymore, but our youngest is still in bed with us every morning to nurse and cuddle. And our oldest was up until a little bit ago. Now she has been sleeping in late enough that everyone is up before her. Growth spurt maybe???

This is a very sweet letter and reaffirms in our minds that all those nights we spent in our full-sized bed with 2 small children was well worth it. My dh kept saying that we needed to get a queen if not a king-sized bed, but we still haven't. Really should...a matter of money right now. Ds b-day coming up, Christmas (hey we should get it as a family Christmas present), plus the company that my dh works for merged with another company and there are going to be 6000 lay offs...and my dh is a security specialist and the merging company contracts out all thier security so it doesn't look very good. But maybe we will get a big bed before the children are completely out of our bed!!!! If not, we sure do stay close.

Quietspirit · 01-29-2006, 08:55 AM

What a wonderful letter! My youngest son is co-sleeping and it is something I will cherish forever

07-15-2005, 05:18 AM	#1
PurpleButterfly Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 15,496	A Letter to New, Co-sleeping Parents A Letter to New, Co-sleeping Parents We are a co-sleeping family. Our sleep-sharing son is five years old, which probably sounds a little out there to you at this moment since your babe is still so wee. At least I know that's what my reaction (and my husbands) was like at that time in our parenting "career". You just can't imagine! You are very likely thoroughly enjoying the sweet blessings of a family bed. And you may also be experiencing some doubts and questionings about exactly how long your baby is going to occupy your bed. I promise you, your feelings and concerns are perfectly normal. (Absolute devotion, curiosity/wondering, wishing you could sleep like you did pre-kids, twinge of guilt followed by immediate overwhelming desire to do whatever is best for your child...sound familiar?) You've spent your whole married life alone with one another in bed; it's natural to wonder if things will ever be the same again. Well, they won't. Because no matter whether your babe is in bed or in another bed or in another room or wherever, bottom line is; there's still a child in the house and that radically changes your lifestyle! My husband and I find that co-sleeping actually propels us to be more creative in the romantic department, gives us more time to be alone with one another (because our child sleeps so well and peacefully), and brings an amazing sense of security and joy to our family. There is never any worry of separation from fire or other catastrophe. Nobody is going to slip in and abduct our child while we sleep unawares in the room nearby. Night nursing has proven to be one of the most powerful tools when a child is sick or fighting off illness or dehydration, and co-sleeping has already proven to save our child's life on two occasions! Once, when our son was a toddler, he vomited in his sleep while on his back. I woke up to hear him choking and see his face blue from lack of oxygen! He was still asleep and choking to death on his own vomit! Thank God I was right there, able to hear his small gasping sounds and immediately rescucitate him! There is absolutely no way I would have been able to hear him had he not been right there beside me. That was when my husband started really raving about co-sleeping! (And, probably like most co-sleeping daddies, he's always been ultra-supportive - especially so when the guys at work would complain about lack of sleep with their new babes and he would just smile and give a well-rested grin). Another similar situation happened when he was about three years old and was much more ill, and again, we were right there to tend to him and make sure he was safe. I don't want my child sleeping curled up in the corner of a vomit-covered bed like I have heard others talk about finding their children that way in the morning. And my own childhood experience cannot be disregarded. When I was five years old, I spent the day playing in rain puddles in front of my house. Within hours, while I slept that night, I developed double pneumonia, vomited in my sleep, and as I continued to sleep alone, the vomit aspirated into my lungs. I will never forget waking up and being unable to breathe, stumbling to my parents room and trying to use my voice to wake them up, but being unable to - pulling on pillows and pj's in desperation before I passed out on top of my mother. I spent two months in the hospital, living in an oxygen tent and having horrible treatments that I can still remember, and my parents were told that I might not even survive during the first two weeks. So, health, safety, and security are some huge reasons why we are a co-sleeping family. Getting to sleep in much, much later is another! Most children wake up, then either cry from the crib or wander from their bed, seeking out the comfort of Mom and Dad, generally waking up completely in the process. With co-sleeping, you will find your child snoozing hours longer than his peers, which not only gives you the opportunity to snooze with him, but because of nursing back to a snoozy state, also bolsters his immune system, and frees up some nice morning hours should you decide to get up and enjoy your own time. Kids who sleep with their parents don't have that sense of urgency when they wake up in the bed alone. And I can't count how many mornings our toddler would wake up before us, but contentedly nurse, relax, sometimes play with soft toys on the bed or look through a board book (we kept a little basket at the foot of the bed for him), nurse again and then snooze right along with us or play quietly and safely right there on the bed with us while we got to sleep in a little longer. That came in especially handy for me as a SAHM when I was sick and needed some extra rest. Co-sleeping children naturally learn to emulate their parents sleep patterns and habits, as well. A co-sleeping child who wakes in the night is comforted by the reassuring presence of his parents, and able to fall back asleep at the breast or on his own. Yes, there are times when illness or growth spurts or teething or changes in the household will disturb normal sleep, but that occurs regardless of where your child sleeps. By being right there in bed with you, the return to peaceful sleep is much quicker and easier for everyone. My family would be amazed when they heard my son, as early as toddlerhood, tell me he was tired and wanted to sleep or nap...he is not reluctant to get into the bed or fall asleep or "miss out" on anything if he rests, because he associates sleep and our bed with gentleness, comfort, love and peace. Today as a five year old, he sleeps a solid ten to twelve hours a night!! For working parents, co-sleeping can be a wonderful time for reconnection and snuggling that they just don't have much opportunity for, given the amount of time they must spend away from home and family. My son and his daddy love snuggling together and it is beyond beautiful to wake up to the two of them with arms around each other and our little boy feeling so safe and loved by his daddy. As my husband often says, "What an incredible way to start the day!". As the years have flown by, we've only grown closer, and witnessed the blessings and differences in our family compared to many around us, and we've only become more convinced that co-sleeping is one of the sweetest and most treasured - and temporary, to be savored - parts of our lives. One day you're wondering when you're going to get your privacy back, the next, your child is standing up to your armpit and learning punctuation. It happens all too fast, and before you know it, your child will not want to sleep with you anymore, will naturally begin to individuate and crave his own space, and then your time sleeping with an angel is over. So enjoy your precious child and this limited experience in your life, and remember my family motto, "Sleep with angels while you can!" __________________ Fighting for my life against Carcinoid Lung Cancer Last edited by PurpleButterfly; 06-11-2010 at 07:46 PM.

07-15-2005, 05:39 AM	#2
Katydid Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 7,516	Re: A Letter to New, Co-sleeping Parents Awww! That was really sweet! That's how we feel about it, too, although I've never really thought about the safety aspect about it... scary! Yet another reason for us to __________________ *Homeschooling Mama of Four*

07-15-2005, 03:40 PM	#3
Mert Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: The southeast... land of sweet tea!! Posts: 4,636	Re: A Letter to New, Co-sleeping Parents That was beautiful!! Thank you so much for sharing your heart!! What reassurance for those of us who are just starting out! May God bless you and your family!! __________________ Mert ~Helpmate to my best friend, patient listener, fav photographer & music man since 2002 ~Homebirthing, biblical feast celebrating, hsing, play-at-home-momma to my 8yo math wizard, baseball player, and budding musician/percussionist Last edited by Mert; 01-10-2011 at 03:47 PM.

07-15-2005, 05:36 PM	#4
raquel Guest Posts: n/a	Re: A Letter to New, Co-sleeping Parents Thanks for sharing! I'm avidly listening to any and all sharings on co-sleeping, slinging, APing in general and the pros and cons of all of them! THANKS!

07-15-2005, 05:51 PM	#5
Blue Aurora Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 8,666	Re: A Letter to New, Co-sleeping Parents I love your letter! It makes me wish that ds still slept with us but he needed his space... I can't wait to have a new one in bed with us. __________________ Jen, Married 10 years! Mama to 2 boys, 9 and 7.5 and my 2 little girls, 4 years old and almost 2 True obedience is a matter of love, which makes it voluntary, not compelled by fear or force. ~Dorothy Day

07-15-2005, 06:27 PM	#6
ArmsOfLove Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 79,607	Re: A Letter to New, Co-sleeping Parents That was beautiful! Thank you. Aidan was also saved from Co-sleeping __________________ Crystal "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." Maya Angelou

07-15-2005, 06:54 PM	#7
ShowersofBlessings Rose Bouquet Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 598	Re: A Letter to New, Co-sleeping Parents Beautiful letter! __________________ Rebekah wife to my highschool sweetheart 1996 mama to Timothy 2003 God's blessing of Mercy Alana 2005 God's blessing of Grace Matthew 2008 God's blessing of Joy David 2010 God's blessing of Love Elysha 2012 God's blessing of Faith Caleb 2014 God's blessing of Peace Olivia 2016God's blessing of Kindness And Benjamin 2020 God's blessing of Patience

07-15-2005, 07:16 PM	#8
Radosny Matka Rose Garden I am so blessed! Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: somewhere between sane and crazy Posts: 26,922	Re: A Letter to New, Co-sleeping Parents How scary what you went through! That is the most lovely letter. __________________ Sara Wife to Love of my life 8/98 Momma to my precious children: N 17 years, P 13 years, O 5 years! Remembering our babies: 12/98 9/99 12/09 1/17

07-28-2005, 09:12 PM	#9
crunchymum Rose Garden speak softly and carry a big coffee Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Chicago Posts: 34,610	Re: A Letter to New, Co-sleeping Parents love it!!! __________________ ~ jen wife to my first kiss mama to 13yo spreezy, 11yo jones, 5yo biggie, and our little greased lightning, 3yo ~ all born at home birth doula my waterbirth montage my etsy! "i did not want my children to love me because i had been an adequate mother, because i would never be one, this i already knew. i wanted my children to love me for the same reason i want my children themselves to be loved: because we are all irreducible, irreplaceable." -gina bria

07-28-2005, 09:59 PM	#10
Marzipan Deactivated Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 6,703	Re: A Letter to New, Co-sleeping Parents

07-29-2005, 05:43 PM	#11
Dana Joy Deactivated AKA "Mommy Piadosa" or on FB "PunkHippyMommy" Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 14,478	Re: A Letter to New, Co-sleeping Parents beautiful letter- as the mama of some very big kiddos who all ended up leaving our bed at around 5 years old- cherish this time-

08-05-2005, 06:29 AM	#12
rachelmarie Guest Posts: n/a	Re: A Letter to New, Co-sleeping Parents Thank you for sharing that! It's great to be reminded of the many reasons why co-sleeping is the best thing for our babies.

08-28-2005, 07:53 AM	#13
mackinsiesmom Guest Posts: n/a	Re: A Letter to New, Co-sleeping Parents Thank you for your letter. I used the safety issues when I was convience dh to let us co-sleep. Katie

10-30-2005, 06:38 AM	#14
slingmamaof4 Rose Garden Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 10,066	Re: A Letter to New, Co-sleeping Parents Yes! Mine don't sleep with us all night anymore, but our youngest is still in bed with us every morning to nurse and cuddle. And our oldest was up until a little bit ago. Now she has been sleeping in late enough that everyone is up before her. Growth spurt maybe??? This is a very sweet letter and reaffirms in our minds that all those nights we spent in our full-sized bed with 2 small children was well worth it. My dh kept saying that we needed to get a queen if not a king-sized bed, but we still haven't. Really should...a matter of money right now. Ds b-day coming up, Christmas (hey we should get it as a family Christmas present), plus the company that my dh works for merged with another company and there are going to be 6000 lay offs...and my dh is a security specialist and the merging company contracts out all thier security so it doesn't look very good. But maybe we will get a big bed before the children are completely out of our bed!!!! If not, we sure do stay close. __________________ Sharon Married to Noah for 15 years; Mom to Belle Renee, 12; Ryllan Connor, 9; Finn Gabriel, 6; and Zane Sebastian, 2. Custom Photo Cards. PM me for details!

01-29-2006, 08:55 AM	#15
Quietspirit Deactivated Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 5,295	Re: A Letter to New, Co-sleeping Parents What a wonderful letter! My youngest son is co-sleeping and it is something I will cherish forever

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