Gentle Christian Mothers Community
 
Random Quotes from Wise Mamas

~* Please help keep GCM free by using our
Amazon.com affiliate link. Thank you! *~


Go Back   Gentle Christian Mothers Community > Specific Issues > Gentle Discipline *Public*
Forgot Password? Join Us!

Gentle Discipline *Public* A public forum.
GCM Webpage: Gentle Discipline

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-29-2022, 05:33 AM   #16
HomeWithMyBabies
Rose Garden
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 24,062
HomeWithMyBabies has disabled reputation
Default Re: Parenting gently as Christians

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soliloquy View Post
I think the general public is moving away from hitting and emotionally hurting children but a segment (not sure how big) of American Christianity is digging in, hard.
Based on interactions I've had I can understand why they're digging in. I don't believe I can get into it here but I can probably sum it up as reactive.

---------- Post added at 08:33 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:32 AM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by Singingmom View Post
My dh was not going to read parenting books. I read them and we talked about what I had learned and what we felt about it. But he didn’t have the attitude that he didn’t need to learn. He just wasn’t a reader.
Same here.
HomeWithMyBabies is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to HomeWithMyBabies For This Useful Post:
ECingMama (08-29-2022), everybody's mother (08-29-2022), Singingmom (08-29-2022)
Old 08-31-2022, 07:48 AM   #17
SewingGreenMama
Rose Trellis
 
Deuteronomy 11:19
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 3,052
SewingGreenMama has a reputation beyond reputeSewingGreenMama has a reputation beyond reputeSewingGreenMama has a reputation beyond reputeSewingGreenMama has a reputation beyond reputeSewingGreenMama has a reputation beyond reputeSewingGreenMama has a reputation beyond reputeSewingGreenMama has a reputation beyond reputeSewingGreenMama has a reputation beyond reputeSewingGreenMama has a reputation beyond reputeSewingGreenMama has a reputation beyond reputeSewingGreenMama has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Parenting gently as Christians

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soliloquy View Post
It's a good question, what do people mean when they call Gentle Parenting ungodly. I will say there is a resurgence of neo-Calvinism (which is different in many ways from traditional Calvinism) and it's very strict and legalistic. Strict gender essentialism, strict parenting, strict views on many things. Matt Chander joked that when his kids were little family devotions often included the kids getting a beating (and his interviewer laughed).


I think the general public is moving away from hitting and emotionally hurting children but a segment (not sure how big) of American Christianity is digging in, hard.
This I have found very true. I'm Reformed, not sure I'm hardcore Calvinist, there seems to be a difference I'm trying to work out, but I'm the only gentle parent I know who holds this view of scripture etc. I was following a lot of the Calvinists on twitter, and I'm so disappointed. They first of all have a skewed Idea of gentle parenting and dig in their heels that their idea of it is the only right one therefore making GP always wrong, they also have high expectations of children that are developmentally inappropriate most of the time.
__________________
"Reflections like these lead one to spare the rod ... purely because it is not easy to find a punishment that does not defeat it's own ends." -Charlotte Mason Parents and Children pg. 171

"If punishment were necessarily reformative, and able to cure us all of those 'sins we have a mind to,' why, the world would be a very good world;" -Charlotte Mason, Parents and Children pg. 172

W&C 8/4/06; G 15yo , M 11yo , S 8/29/13 , V 8yo , Baby 2yo
SewingGreenMama is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to SewingGreenMama For This Useful Post:
Llee (09-01-2022), Singingmom (08-31-2022)
Old 08-31-2022, 01:42 PM   #18
Maleldil's daughter
Rose Bouquet
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 831
Maleldil's daughter has much to be proud ofMaleldil's daughter has much to be proud ofMaleldil's daughter has much to be proud ofMaleldil's daughter has much to be proud ofMaleldil's daughter has much to be proud ofMaleldil's daughter has much to be proud ofMaleldil's daughter has much to be proud ofMaleldil's daughter has much to be proud ofMaleldil's daughter has much to be proud ofMaleldil's daughter has much to be proud of
Default Re: Parenting gently as Christians

People I know who are against gentle parenting have a very limited view of what it is and don't really understand the philosophy. They also tend to be people who believe 'the culture' (American culture, presumably) is going downhill and becoming ungodly, and this fits their preconceptions. They latch on to half an idea that sounds crazy to them and use it as a rhetorical device. For example, they will listen to a parenting expert trying to say that we should use positive instructions instead of negative (gentle hands rather than don't hit) because little children's brains can't process negatives as easily. Rather than being able or willing to try to comprehend, they'll rant about how crazy it is that now we are supposed to be positive all the time and never tell our kids no, and how it's a sign of the crazy, woke, ungodly times we're living in. I haven't found there's much point in trying to help them understand gentle parenting, since it's not really about parenting at all.

However, I have had some influence with some younger parents by encouraging them. I try to help them trust God more and be less anxious, angry, and reactive through gentle, loving, commiserative words of encouragement. They are mostly not ready to fully embrace gentle parenting, but they become more open to hearing about things like age-appropriate expectations.
__________________
Karen

Wifey to the Husby 9/6/2006
Mama to The Littlest Man in all the Land 5/31/2012
and The Littlest Girl in all the World 1/28/2016

Counseling is like cleaning out your fridge. Mostly it's rearranging things so they make more sense. Now and then you come across some really nasty thing that's been stuck in the back way too long.
Maleldil's daughter is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Maleldil's daughter For This Useful Post:
Llee (09-01-2022), MaybeGracie (08-31-2022), Pragmatist (09-01-2022), rjy9343 (10-07-2022), SewingGreenMama (09-18-2022), Singingmom (08-31-2022)
Old 09-06-2022, 11:20 AM   #19
MariJo7
Rose Trellis
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,065
MariJo7 has a reputation beyond reputeMariJo7 has a reputation beyond reputeMariJo7 has a reputation beyond reputeMariJo7 has a reputation beyond reputeMariJo7 has a reputation beyond reputeMariJo7 has a reputation beyond reputeMariJo7 has a reputation beyond reputeMariJo7 has a reputation beyond reputeMariJo7 has a reputation beyond reputeMariJo7 has a reputation beyond reputeMariJo7 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Parenting gently as Christians

This is an interesting thread!


What does it mean exactly when someone is "winging it"? It must be an idiom of some kind but I have not heard it before.
MariJo7 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to MariJo7 For This Useful Post:
SewingGreenMama (09-18-2022)
Old 09-06-2022, 11:51 AM   #20
ECingMama
Rose Garden
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 16,782
ECingMama has a reputation beyond reputeECingMama has a reputation beyond reputeECingMama has a reputation beyond reputeECingMama has a reputation beyond reputeECingMama has a reputation beyond reputeECingMama has a reputation beyond reputeECingMama has a reputation beyond reputeECingMama has a reputation beyond reputeECingMama has a reputation beyond reputeECingMama has a reputation beyond reputeECingMama has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Parenting gently as Christians

Quote:
Originally Posted by MariJo7 View Post
This is an interesting thread!


What does it mean exactly when someone is "winging it"? It must be an idiom of some kind but I have not heard it before.
No plan, just going with the flow
__________________
Wife who is thankful to be in love....20 years
Homeschooling Mom of three....17 DD dancer and
14 DS surfer and 7 DD dolly mommy
ECingMama is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to ECingMama For This Useful Post:
MariJo7 (09-07-2022), SewingGreenMama (09-18-2022)
Old 09-07-2022, 11:48 AM   #21
MariJo7
Rose Trellis
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,065
MariJo7 has a reputation beyond reputeMariJo7 has a reputation beyond reputeMariJo7 has a reputation beyond reputeMariJo7 has a reputation beyond reputeMariJo7 has a reputation beyond reputeMariJo7 has a reputation beyond reputeMariJo7 has a reputation beyond reputeMariJo7 has a reputation beyond reputeMariJo7 has a reputation beyond reputeMariJo7 has a reputation beyond reputeMariJo7 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Parenting gently as Christians

I see. Thanks!
MariJo7 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-09-2022, 10:35 AM   #22
Close2MyHeart
Rose Garden
 
Back for Friendships
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Northeastern US
Posts: 20,863
Close2MyHeart has a reputation beyond reputeClose2MyHeart has a reputation beyond reputeClose2MyHeart has a reputation beyond reputeClose2MyHeart has a reputation beyond reputeClose2MyHeart has a reputation beyond reputeClose2MyHeart has a reputation beyond reputeClose2MyHeart has a reputation beyond reputeClose2MyHeart has a reputation beyond reputeClose2MyHeart has a reputation beyond reputeClose2MyHeart has a reputation beyond reputeClose2MyHeart has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Parenting gently as Christians

I remember realllly struggling with the concept of Gentle Parenting vs. what I had learned was Godly parenting. It took a lot for me to shift my mindset. I was raised in a very "spare the rod/spoil the child" background and everyone I knew was the same way. You spanked to save their souls! It never sat well with me and I found GCM by researching other options. I can't imagine this idea of "winging it" during parenting.
__________________
~ Becca ~
Wife to C., WFHM, Life long learner
Living in "organized chaos" with 2 handfuls of kiddos.
DS1(21), DS2(20), BD1(20), DD1(19), BS1(17), DS3(16), BS2(14), DD2(14), BD2(10), BD3 (8)
(B = Bonus/Step)
Close2MyHeart is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Close2MyHeart For This Useful Post:
ECingMama (09-09-2022), rjy9343 (10-07-2022), SewingGreenMama (09-18-2022), Singingmom (09-09-2022)
Old 10-07-2022, 08:54 PM   #23
rjy9343
Rose Garden
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Tallahassee
Posts: 10,093
rjy9343 has a reputation beyond reputerjy9343 has a reputation beyond reputerjy9343 has a reputation beyond reputerjy9343 has a reputation beyond reputerjy9343 has a reputation beyond reputerjy9343 has a reputation beyond reputerjy9343 has a reputation beyond reputerjy9343 has a reputation beyond reputerjy9343 has a reputation beyond reputerjy9343 has a reputation beyond reputerjy9343 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Parenting gently as Christians

I thought gentle discipline was about as far from Godly as you could get because all I ever saw on it was taking children seriously and the natural child project. The stuff I read was so unreasonable that I thought it was satire at first. No one seriously thinks that adults should wear diapers to avoid taking their children into a public restroom since the children dislike the noises. No one really thought that you should avoid all meal preparation if your eighteen month old was upset because you weren't playing with him. (Now that I see that written out, I really missed a great excuse to not cook). Or never driving so that your infant didn't cry.
I also think there is a two fold reason for the push back in Christian circles that we see. The first I think is that it is seen as a referendum on them personally or at the very least their parents. Parenting and family of origin always has so much emotion wrapped up in it, it's really hard to see objectively.
I think the other reason is money. There is a lot of money to made writing books, speaking at conventions and teaching classes. Not to mention there is a lot of ego tied up in it as well. Gentle parenting really throws a wrench in the works by saying get to know your child and follow their lead. Listen to them when they speak and ask them questions that let you see where they are coming from. Your relationship will be the backbone of the way you discipline, so make it sure it's a positive one.
It doesn't look like you set limits when you give your children information and let them decide what to do, even if they don't make a good choice. It doesn't look like you have rules when you don't really punish them for breaking something. Or if you offer a pleasant alternative to bad behavior.
I can still remember when my niece assured her little brother that he could do pretty much anything at Aunt Rita's house because there are no rules here. Before I could say anything, my other nephew spoke up and said it's awesome here, no one ever gets in trouble. She just talks to you and helps you fix the problem. My daughter is still trying to figure out why they would think there aren't rules here. I think that for so many people the explanations of why we do things instead of saying this is the rule seems like we're trying to be friends or cool parents. Personally, I want my kids to understand the point of the rule, so I say we don't eat all over the house because we don't want to share our house with bugs or worse. It makes them a lot more careful of crumbs and spills because they know the why.
__________________
Rita s IstJ

Wife to my brilliant geek James iNtJ since 4/08
Mom to our angel boy Jay 5/08 our quirky miracle DD Ivy 6/10
mellow miracle DS Jacob 7/15
Often Please forgive my frequent typos

Standing firmly on Team Lioness!!! Roar!!!
I am ready for people to know I am a GCM find me on Facebook
rjy9343 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to rjy9343 For This Useful Post:
Llee (10-08-2022), MariJo7 (10-27-2022), Pragmatist (10-14-2022), Singingmom (10-08-2022), teamommy (10-08-2022), The Tickle Momster (10-08-2022)
Old 10-08-2022, 01:32 PM   #24
The Tickle Momster
Rose Garden
 
previously mlrowley
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: NW WA
Posts: 18,020
The Tickle Momster has a reputation beyond reputeThe Tickle Momster has a reputation beyond reputeThe Tickle Momster has a reputation beyond reputeThe Tickle Momster has a reputation beyond reputeThe Tickle Momster has a reputation beyond reputeThe Tickle Momster has a reputation beyond reputeThe Tickle Momster has a reputation beyond reputeThe Tickle Momster has a reputation beyond reputeThe Tickle Momster has a reputation beyond reputeThe Tickle Momster has a reputation beyond reputeThe Tickle Momster has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Parenting gently as Christians

May I share a few of your statements with my dd who is giving a speech on this topic? You phrased some things really well!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
Michelle

wife to Tom ('95)
Momma to:
DD (A) 21 and her DH (YM) 21
DS (T) 19
DD (C) 17
'07
DS (N) 14
Save
Save
The Tickle Momster is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to The Tickle Momster For This Useful Post:
Close2MyHeart (10-11-2022), Singingmom (10-08-2022)
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:10 PM.


A variety of opinions and ideas are shared on GCM. Personal experiences, suggestions, and tips found here are in no way intended to substitute for medical counsel from a healthcare professional. Always use your own good judgement and seek professional advice when in doubt about a health concern.

Amazon.com affiliate link

Copyright 1997-2017 by Gentle Christian Mothers™
An alternative-minded, evangelical Christian community supporting attachment parenting and natural living.

Do not post content elsewhere.
http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/community/

Some smilies created and copyrighted by Mazeguy.
Some smilies and avatars created and copyrighted by flowermama and children -- do not use elsewhere.

Soli Deo Gloria
To God only wise, be glory through Jesus Christ for ever. Amen. ~ Romans 16:27 (KJV)

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

X vBulletin 3.8.3 Debug Information
  • Page Generation 0.09330 seconds
  • Memory Usage 7,926KB
  • Queries Executed 16 (?)
More Information
Template Usage:
  • (1)SHOWTHREAD
  • (1)ad_footer_end
  • (1)ad_footer_start
  • (1)ad_header_end
  • (1)ad_header_logo
  • (1)ad_navbar_below
  • (1)ad_showthread_beforeqr
  • (1)ad_showthread_firstpost
  • (1)ad_showthread_firstpost_sig
  • (1)ad_showthread_firstpost_start
  • (4)bbcode_quote
  • (1)cyb_flashimagebanners
  • (1)footer
  • (1)forumjump
  • (1)forumrules
  • (1)gobutton
  • (1)header
  • (1)headinclude
  • (1)navbar
  • (3)navbar_link
  • (60)option
  • (1)pagenav
  • (1)pagenav_curpage
  • (1)pagenav_pagelink
  • (9)post_groan_box
  • (1)post_groan_javascript
  • (1)post_groan_navbar_search
  • (9)post_thanks_box
  • (26)post_thanks_box_bit
  • (1)post_thanks_javascript
  • (1)post_thanks_navbar_search
  • (8)post_thanks_postbit_legacy
  • (9)postbit_legacy
  • (9)postbit_onlinestatus
  • (88)postbit_reputation
  • (9)postbit_wrapper
  • (4)showthread_bookmarksite
  • (1)smqre_editor_button
  • (1)spacer_close
  • (1)spacer_open
  • (1)tagbit_wrapper 

Phrase Groups Available:
  • global
  • inlinemod
  • postbit
  • posting
  • reputationlevel
  • showthread
Included Files:
  • ./showthread.php
  • ./global.php
  • ./includes/init.php
  • ./includes/class_core.php
  • ./includes/config.php
  • ./includes/functions.php
  • ./includes/class_hook.php
  • ./includes/functions_notice.php
  • ./mobiquo/smartbanner.php
  • ./mobiquo/include/classTTConnection.php
  • ./mobiquo/smartbanner/head.inc.php
  • ./includes/functions_bigthree.php
  • ./includes/class_postbit.php
  • ./includes/class_bbcode.php
  • ./includes/functions_reputation.php
  • ./includes/adminfunctions_template.php
  • ./includes/functions_misc.php
  • ./includes/functions_post_thanks.php
  • ./includes/functions_post_groan.php 

Hooks Called:
  • init_startup
  • cache_permissions
  • fetch_postinfo_query
  • fetch_postinfo
  • fetch_threadinfo_query
  • fetch_threadinfo
  • fetch_foruminfo
  • style_fetch
  • cache_templates
  • global_start
  • parse_templates
  • fetch_musername
  • notices_check_start
  • global_setup_complete
  • showthread_start
  • template_groups
  • template_safe_functions
  • template_compile
  • showthread_getinfo
  • forumjump
  • showthread_post_start
  • showthread_query_postids
  • showthread_query
  • bbcode_fetch_tags
  • bbcode_create
  • showthread_postbit_create
  • postbit_factory
  • postbit_display_start
  • post_thanks_function_post_thanks_off_start
  • post_thanks_function_post_thanks_off_end
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_start
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_end
  • post_thanks_function_thanked_already_start
  • post_thanks_function_thanked_already_end
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_bit_start
  • post_thanks_function_show_thanks_date_start
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_bit_end
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_post_thanks_template_start
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_post_thanks_template_end
  • post_groan_function_post_groan_off_start
  • post_groan_function_post_groan_off_end
  • post_groan_function_fetch_groans_start
  • post_groan_function_fetch_groans_end
  • post_groan_function_groaned_already_start
  • post_groan_function_groaned_already_end
  • reputation_image
  • postbit_imicons
  • bbcode_parse_start
  • bbcode_parse_complete_precache
  • bbcode_parse_complete
  • postbit_display_complete
  • error_fetch
  • pagenav_page
  • pagenav_complete
  • tag_fetchbit_complete
  • forumrules
  • showthread_bookmarkbit
  • navbits
  • navbits_complete
  • showthread_complete