Mamas that are "Messies" Support Thread - Page 34

ruhama · 01-30-2013, 09:30 AM

It helps me to reframe "chores" as my "happy list" - focusing on how happy, free, light and focused I feel when at least one area of my home is decluttered and clean. I feel super good about that! I try to transfer that final feeling into how I feel as I work toward something I really want. Chores that were heavy burdens are instead things I do to work toward enjoyment of my home. I'm not a cleanie at all (cleanies in my life are literally OCD and are constantly bleaching their baseboards), but working on that mindset of "this is hard, but I love working toward an enjoyable home space. I want the enjoyable home space more than I want to browse the internet for another hour" has really helped me in my journey toward a manageable household (still definitely not there yet!).

AsTheDeer · 03-19-2013, 04:10 PM

Ugh, this thread gets me for sure I could cry. I do try to keep on top of things and wouldn't say our home is dirty, but it is very cluttered and messy

don't know quite where I'm going wrong as always seem to be busy doing stuff, but nothing seems to get done IYKWIM?

mamajane · 03-19-2013, 05:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NFPMamato5

Ugh, this thread gets me for sure I could cry. I do try to keep on top of things and wouldn't say our home is dirty, but it is very cluttered and messy

don't know quite where I'm going wrong as always seem to be busy doing stuff, but nothing seems to get done IYKWIM?

You have a lot of little kids. It's totally understandable that your house isn't tidy.

delightedmama · 06-02-2013, 11:20 AM

Has anyone tried the House That Cleans Itself book/system? I just got it from my library and it's specifically for the "housekeeping impaired" and sounds way more promising than anything else I've tried (FlyLady is a DISASTER for me)

MariekeSings · 11-04-2013, 03:18 PM

I SO fall into this category. My home hasn't been deep cleaned in forever. I always think to myself "I need to invite people over more so I am motivated to clean", but then I never invite anyone over because I had no time, or was too embarrassed by the current state (except that I keep our living room neat since that's where I teach voice lessons).

Now that I'm only teaching and not working another job, I have more time, although I can't stand or be too active for too long due to pregnancy-related SPD.

My goal before baby arrives is to get a binder system in place so I can get and stay (at least somewhat) organized, and DH/family can keep on top of things the first few weeks.

The HHBC should help, because it's a clear list of items and I like to get points/win/get kudos - that helps motivate me and get me out from that

"so overwhelmed I can't start anything" state.

Domina · 12-30-2013, 06:41 AM

I haven't been able to read all of this thread, but do other Messies struggle with guilt and shame over their houses? I have a really toxic narrative running in my head about the state of my house. Like, all the time. My mom and grandma are both Cleanies, so compared to the way I grew up, we live in a sty.

Part of the issue is that I'm such a slow cleaner. I can never clean faster than my family can wreck the rooms behind me.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Llee · 12-30-2013, 07:15 AM

I have had that feeling, yes. But the more I'm in depression, the more that tape plays. That and realizing that my memories of a clean house are from when I was older than my kids are now. And my mom doesn't think it's a sin to have a messy house with littles.

Peridot · 12-30-2013, 08:17 AM

yes, shame and guilt, so much so that I avoid this thread because of the title.

I am not a messy.

My house is cluttered and unorganized for many reasons, none of which are those implied by calling myself, 'a messy'.

I actually tend to avoid all housekeeping tips/tricks/contests/discussions because nobody wants to believe I've tried everything already.

sooo why am I posting? oh- the shame thing. yeah.

Domina · 12-30-2013, 08:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by peridot

yes, shame and guilt, so much so that I avoid this thread because of the title.

I am not a messy.

My house is cluttered and unorganized for many reasons, none of which are those implied by calling myself, 'a messy'.

I actually tend to avoid all housekeeping tips/tricks/contests/discussions because nobody wants to believe I've tried everything already.

sooo why am I posting? oh- the shame thing. yeah.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Annainprogress · 12-30-2013, 10:02 AM

my mum has forgotten how bad our house was growing up.... maybe it wasn't quite as bad as mine but it was never tidy. she's a hoarder... and there is still stuff piled on all her corners and "her" room in her house, though there haven't been children at home for nearly 9 years...

Waterlogged · 12-30-2013, 10:12 AM

I've gotten to a point where I only really feel shame when my mother or MIL are going to be around. We try to host events fairly frequently, so we end up having to at least keep the common areas clean. I've given up on our "private" areas (office, 2nd floor).

And I never "deep" clean.

ruhama · 12-31-2013, 03:19 PM

While I'm still a messy, when I was working less I enjoyed using HomeRoutines & this article has a few other apps that might give someone a jump-start.

**Warning... one app has some swears in the title... beautiful beautiful swears...

**

http://techcrunch.com/2013/12/30/chore-apps/

MariekeSings · 01-01-2014, 11:39 PM

Definitely feel the shame and guilt thing.

It's especially frustrating now that I have the *time* but not the full ability to do cleaning as I'd like.

Everything's going to change with a baby in the house anyway, so what can you do?

DH and I did do some major cleaning before MIL and FIL came by to help us set up some baby stuff. So as long as we can keep things as they are and do a little more decluttering/organizing over the next month, it shouldn't be too bad.

We've always lived in small spaces, which seems to make it harder when I love books and crafting.

Ramee151 · 01-02-2014, 01:36 PM

Guilt & Shame--for sure! I look at tomorrow with so much promise and the more I plan to do the next day, the further behind I seem to fall. I feel like I really struggle with implementing tasks or goals since DD arrived--like that part of me got lost somehow.

I just can't seem to figure out how to keep all the balls rolling--interacting with DD, cleaning the house from its present state to "acceptable", maintaining it once it does look acceptable, managing the laundry, meals, errands. Add to that the weight-loss goals and healthy living choices I want to make and its just utterly overwhelming.

el_mac · 01-05-2014, 05:44 AM

Oh you guys have hit a sore spot with this one.
I almost don't want to post here because subscribing will bring it up in my list and remind me of everything I should be doing (did someone mention shame and guilt?!)
I actually have a weekly cleaner (we barter for maths tutoring!), but hours after she's been it's a bomb site again and the night before she comes is a massive headache desperately trying to tidy the junk so she can have a floor to clean!

I just can't seem to make this something that is a habit. If I'm at someone else's house I wouldn't dream of finishing a meal and leaving my plates on the table, yet at home I'm constantly clearing away dinner plates so we have room to eat breakfast

I feel so inferior to all the proper mums who manage to keep house. I sometimes feel like a little kid doing a bad job of pretending to be a grownup

01-30-2013, 09:30 AM	#496
ruhama Deactivated Jumping off the hot tin roof. Join Date: May 2011 Location: We are all of us made of stars. Posts: 2,106	Re: Mamas that are "Messies" Support Thread It helps me to reframe "chores" as my "happy list" - focusing on how happy, free, light and focused I feel when at least one area of my home is decluttered and clean. I feel super good about that! I try to transfer that final feeling into how I feel as I work toward something I really want. Chores that were heavy burdens are instead things I do to work toward enjoyment of my home. I'm not a cleanie at all (cleanies in my life are literally OCD and are constantly bleaching their baseboards), but working on that mindset of "this is hard, but I love working toward an enjoyable home space. I want the enjoyable home space more than I want to browse the internet for another hour" has really helped me in my journey toward a manageable household (still definitely not there yet!).

03-19-2013, 04:10 PM	#497
AsTheDeer Rose Blossom Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 135	Re: Mamas that are "Messies" Support Thread Ugh, this thread gets me for sure I could cry. I do try to keep on top of things and wouldn't say our home is dirty, but it is very cluttered and messy don't know quite where I'm going wrong as always seem to be busy doing stuff, but nothing seems to get done IYKWIM? __________________ Mama to 7

06-02-2013, 11:20 AM	#499
delightedmama Climbing Rose silly crafty messy peaceful-ish me Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: OKC Posts: 1,247	Re: Mamas that are "Messies" Support Thread Has anyone tried the House That Cleans Itself book/system? I just got it from my library and it's specifically for the "housekeeping impaired" and sounds way more promising than anything else I've tried (FlyLady is a DISASTER for me) __________________ ~Lori Ann~ Wife to Baba, Mama to my spirited H (3yo DD) & snuggly E (1yo DS), Sister to Sarusabeth! empowering women out of poverty by selling their Fair Trade handcrafts with Trades of Hope!

11-04-2013, 03:18 PM	#500
MariekeSings Rose Trellis Discovering motherhood Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Burbank, Ca Posts: 1,819	Re: Mamas that are "Messies" Support Thread I SO fall into this category. My home hasn't been deep cleaned in forever. I always think to myself "I need to invite people over more so I am motivated to clean", but then I never invite anyone over because I had no time, or was too embarrassed by the current state (except that I keep our living room neat since that's where I teach voice lessons). Now that I'm only teaching and not working another job, I have more time, although I can't stand or be too active for too long due to pregnancy-related SPD. My goal before baby arrives is to get a binder system in place so I can get and stay (at least somewhat) organized, and DH/family can keep on top of things the first few weeks. The HHBC should help, because it's a clear list of items and I like to get points/win/get kudos - that helps motivate me and get me out from that "so overwhelmed I can't start anything" state. __________________ ~Marieke~ Married to my Sound Guy since 8/2006 Mama to G ~ 2/2014 DYT 3/1 (Officially thanks to Chaos Coordinator ) ~ IsFp WAHM: Singer/Voice Teacher

12-30-2013, 06:41 AM	#501
Domina Rose Garden Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 7,639	Mamas that are "Messies" Support Thread I haven't been able to read all of this thread, but do other Messies struggle with guilt and shame over their houses? I have a really toxic narrative running in my head about the state of my house. Like, all the time. My mom and grandma are both Cleanies, so compared to the way I grew up, we live in a sty. Part of the issue is that I'm such a slow cleaner. I can never clean faster than my family can wreck the rooms behind me. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ ~Sara~ Beaming mama to Sumo since 2010. Addicted to , curry and my Kindle. Martyrs make lousy lovers and party guests. ~ Michael Flocker

12-30-2013, 07:15 AM	#502
Llee Moderator Dancing stands with all seahorses who are journeying to freedom Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 19,200	Re: Mamas that are "Messies" Support Thread I have had that feeling, yes. But the more I'm in depression, the more that tape plays. That and realizing that my memories of a clean house are from when I was older than my kids are now. And my mom doesn't think it's a sin to have a messy house with littles. __________________ It's me, dh, Dressy Bessy (Sept 08) and Dancing Daisy (May 10) Lead the children to see in every pleasant and beautiful thing an expression of God's love for them. Recommend your religion to them by its pleasantness. Let the law of kindness be in your lips. ~Ellen G. White

12-30-2013, 08:17 AM	#503
Peridot Rose Garden I stand before you, DeFrocked!! Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: The Qontinuum Posts: 11,537	Re: Mamas that are "Messies" Support Thread yes, shame and guilt, so much so that I avoid this thread because of the title. I am not a messy. My house is cluttered and unorganized for many reasons, none of which are those implied by calling myself, 'a messy'. I actually tend to avoid all housekeeping tips/tricks/contests/discussions because nobody wants to believe I've tried everything already. sooo why am I posting? oh- the shame thing. yeah. __________________ This is me- and them- ds 'Maximus'- 7.5 yrs, and ds 'Minimus'- 5 yrs. "A normal, imperfect, LUMPEN human being!!" Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. and yet, one day Love himself barged into the Temple with a bullwhip and declared enough was enough. I will testify to Love.

12-30-2013, 10:02 AM	#505
Annainprogress Rose Garden Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: UK Posts: 11,752	Re: Mamas that are "Messies" Support Thread my mum has forgotten how bad our house was growing up.... maybe it wasn't quite as bad as mine but it was never tidy. she's a hoarder... and there is still stuff piled on all her corners and "her" room in her house, though there haven't been children at home for nearly 9 years... __________________ Anna INfp (I think) single mum to DS 8 & DD 6 enjoying the adventure of WOH p/t Wielder of the Palette Knife of Chocolaty Brownieness rejoicing with those who have escaped abuse, and praying for those still trapped Unite! “I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.” - Galileo Galilei

12-30-2013, 10:12 AM	#506
Waterlogged Rose Garden grace is for mamas too Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Seattle Posts: 20,033	Re: Mamas that are "Messies" Support Thread I've gotten to a point where I only really feel shame when my mother or MIL are going to be around. We try to host events fairly frequently, so we end up having to at least keep the common areas clean. I've given up on our "private" areas (office, 2nd floor). And I never "deep" clean. __________________ mama to K almost 8 and "Little Fluff" B age 3

12-31-2013, 03:19 PM	#507
ruhama Deactivated Jumping off the hot tin roof. Join Date: May 2011 Location: We are all of us made of stars. Posts: 2,106	Re: Mamas that are "Messies" Support Thread While I'm still a messy, when I was working less I enjoyed using HomeRoutines & this article has a few other apps that might give someone a jump-start. Warning... one app has some swears in the title... beautiful beautiful swears... http://techcrunch.com/2013/12/30/chore-apps/

01-01-2014, 11:39 PM	#508
MariekeSings Rose Trellis Discovering motherhood Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Burbank, Ca Posts: 1,819	Re: Mamas that are "Messies" Support Thread Definitely feel the shame and guilt thing. It's especially frustrating now that I have the time but not the full ability to do cleaning as I'd like. Everything's going to change with a baby in the house anyway, so what can you do? DH and I did do some major cleaning before MIL and FIL came by to help us set up some baby stuff. So as long as we can keep things as they are and do a little more decluttering/organizing over the next month, it shouldn't be too bad. We've always lived in small spaces, which seems to make it harder when I love books and crafting. __________________ ~Marieke~ Married to my Sound Guy since 8/2006 Mama to G ~ 2/2014 DYT 3/1 (Officially thanks to Chaos Coordinator ) ~ IsFp WAHM: Singer/Voice Teacher

01-02-2014, 01:36 PM	#509
Ramee151 Rose Blossom Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: South-Central, Wisconsin Posts: 240	Re: Mamas that are "Messies" Support Thread Guilt & Shame--for sure! I look at tomorrow with so much promise and the more I plan to do the next day, the further behind I seem to fall. I feel like I really struggle with implementing tasks or goals since DD arrived--like that part of me got lost somehow. I just can't seem to figure out how to keep all the balls rolling--interacting with DD, cleaning the house from its present state to "acceptable", maintaining it once it does look acceptable, managing the laundry, meals, errands. Add to that the weight-loss goals and healthy living choices I want to make and its just utterly overwhelming. __________________ Married my Hubbins: July 11, 2008 Good-bye Emma Josephine: May 1, 2012 Became a Momma (Miss F): August, 2012

01-05-2014, 05:44 AM	#510
el_mac Rosebud Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: SW Sydney Australia Posts: 49	Re: Mamas that are "Messies" Support Thread Oh you guys have hit a sore spot with this one. I almost don't want to post here because subscribing will bring it up in my list and remind me of everything I should be doing (did someone mention shame and guilt?!) I actually have a weekly cleaner (we barter for maths tutoring!), but hours after she's been it's a bomb site again and the night before she comes is a massive headache desperately trying to tidy the junk so she can have a floor to clean! I just can't seem to make this something that is a habit. If I'm at someone else's house I wouldn't dream of finishing a meal and leaving my plates on the table, yet at home I'm constantly clearing away dinner plates so we have room to eat breakfast I feel so inferior to all the proper mums who manage to keep house. I sometimes feel like a little kid doing a bad job of pretending to be a grownup __________________ MeDH Married Dec 05 DS "Z" born Aug '11 bubba#2 due July '14

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