A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5 - Page 5

richesabove · 09-26-2008, 07:12 AM

I would give anything if I had seen this idea in writing or heard of this a few years ago. I expected mine to grow up too quick and now that they are 10, 8, 7, and 5 and now a newborn I would give anything if I could go back and let them be little when they were little

celestial princess · 09-26-2008, 01:46 PM

I'm reading this just in time - Ds will be 4 in Oct, and I've noticed I'm def. expecting more out of him. Will try harder to remember - also, he's started telling me I can't call him baby anymore!

ViolaMum · 09-26-2008, 03:51 PM

The Science of Parenting by Margot Sunderland is what got me started on my journey to GBD. Sunderland is a British therapist, who works with children. Her book, contrary to what the title may lead you to believe is a very easy read. It draws on 20 years of brain research, talking about how a child's brain develops from infancy to adulthood and really ties in the emotional development.

BornFreeBaby · 09-26-2008, 10:55 PM

Heather, as always, you rock!

I also heard a veteran homeschooling dad speak recently about having low expectations and high appreciation- for our children and others too. Ofcourse this totally goes against so much of the current mainstream information of having 'high expectaions' so the child will 'live up' to them. But this veteran homeschooler has seen how many Christian parents with 'high expectations' cause so much pain, dissappointment, rifts and disconnected-ness between them and their children, which pushes children away from us and into a subculture that 'accepts them for who they are'. We really do need to lower our expectations for performance based behaviors and increase our love and appreciation of our children as they are, where they are at. So many parents focus on the 'goal' of parenting, of producing an outcome, instead of simply discovering who our children are as individuals with their own God-given gifts and bends.

I have quoted this before, but here is one of my favorite quotes;

Quote:

'People with great passions, people who accomplish great deeds, people who possess strong feelings, people with great minds and a strong personality rarely come out of good little boys and girls.

L.S. Vygotsky

09-26-2008, 11:00 PM

I haven;t read all the posts yet, but I was just thinking this the other day!!! I went in to wake up Lindsay for school and was just watching her sleep.

She will be 7 soon, but she still looked like such a baby! Even my 3 year old is such a baby still and everyone is on me about getting him to "grow up"!!!

Heather Micaela · 09-26-2008, 11:04 PM

Quote:

We really do need to lower our expectations for performance based behaviors and increase our love and appreciation of our children as they are, where they are at.

I like how you put that

richesabove · 09-27-2008, 08:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by purplerose

I haven;t read all the posts yet, but I was just thinking this the other day!!! I went in to wake up Lindsay for school and was just watching her sleep.

She will be 7 soon, but she still looked like such a baby! Even my 3 year old is such a baby still and everyone is on me about getting him to "grow up"!!!

you know, one of the reasons I forced mine to grow up so soon is because I listened to society and my mil!! my mil was constantly correcting us when we called our then three year old "baby" ...well, he was a baby until about 5. he was very very needy and clingy and I was CONSTANTLY upset by it because I thought something was wrong. well, at 5.5 year old now he is not the least bit this way. if only I had not been so upset by it and instead enjoyed him.

10-13-2008, 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by richesabove

Quote:

Originally Posted by purplerose

I haven;t read all the posts yet, but I was just thinking this the other day!!! I went in to wake up Lindsay for school and was just watching her sleep.

She will be 7 soon, but she still looked like such a baby! Even my 3 year old is such a baby still and everyone is on me about getting him to "grow up"!!!

you know, one of the reasons I forced mine to grow up so soon is because I listened to society and my mil!! my mil was constantly correcting us when we called our then three year old "baby" ...well, he was a baby until about 5. he was very very needy and clingy and I was CONSTANTLY upset by it because I thought something was wrong. well, at 5.5 year old now he is not the least bit this way. if only I had not been so upset by it and instead enjoyed him.

Wow, I love this thread. I needed to hear that. My son is 3.5 and I told my grandma that the OT expected my son to dress himself. She said that we needed to stop "mothering" and "fathering' him so much so that he could dress himself. I learned not to tell her anything else related to that!

I really needed to read this because I have been expecting way too much from my son lately and in the past. I have wish listed some of the books you have mentioned and I need to get Crystal's second book too!!

azlayla · 01-06-2009, 10:29 PM

I completely agree with low expectations and high appreciation!!

Way too much is expected of young children these days and it's disturbing and damaging to say the least.

~Layla

01-06-2009, 10:46 PM

I haven't read the replies, but thank you Heather! That was insightful and inspiring.

Leslie_JJKs_mom · 01-06-2009, 11:03 PM

My 3 year old likes to be a baby. She will come up to me and ask me to feed her with her sippy cup of milk. She can be extremely clingy except if there are new toys or kids to play with. She still sleeps with me like a baby and I still nurse her to sleep now and then.

Quiteria · 01-06-2009, 11:48 PM

(still reading along...)

Just from the first couple posts...I can see this with my oldest...7.5yo having passed 5 but not quite 8...and my 3yo...

This is really helpful.

happyhousewife · 01-27-2009, 09:32 AM

I wish I had read this when Andrew was younger. <sigh>

Herbwifemama · 01-27-2009, 12:14 PM

I think another expectation to drop is

*I do not expect them to reliably sleep through the night, or to not need nighttime parenting.

happyhousewife · 01-27-2009, 12:48 PM

this has helped me so much in the last week

09-26-2008, 07:12 AM	#61
richesabove Climbing Rose Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 1,440	Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5 I would give anything if I had seen this idea in writing or heard of this a few years ago. I expected mine to grow up too quick and now that they are 10, 8, 7, and 5 and now a newborn I would give anything if I could go back and let them be little when they were little

09-26-2008, 01:46 PM	#62
celestial princess Rose Garden ...sometimes I can't see it for the trees Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 4,145	Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5 I'm reading this just in time - Ds will be 4 in Oct, and I've noticed I'm def. expecting more out of him. Will try harder to remember - also, he's started telling me I can't call him baby anymore! __________________ Take everything I say with a pinch of INTJ Totally T4 c = Δ

09-26-2008, 03:51 PM	#63
ViolaMum Rose Garden Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 5,542	Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5 The Science of Parenting by Margot Sunderland is what got me started on my journey to GBD. Sunderland is a British therapist, who works with children. Her book, contrary to what the title may lead you to believe is a very easy read. It draws on 20 years of brain research, talking about how a child's brain develops from infancy to adulthood and really ties in the emotional development. __________________ Darcy married to my Photographic Genius (1/00) Mom to: Prima, Secunda, Tertia, and Quarta Youth and Beauty are fleeting, but the ability to bake a great chocolate cake lasts forever!

09-26-2008, 11:00 PM	#65
purplerose Guest Posts: n/a	Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5 I haven;t read all the posts yet, but I was just thinking this the other day!!! I went in to wake up Lindsay for school and was just watching her sleep. She will be 7 soon, but she still looked like such a baby! Even my 3 year old is such a baby still and everyone is on me about getting him to "grow up"!!!

01-06-2009, 10:29 PM	#69
azlayla Rose Blossom Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 187	Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5 I completely agree with low expectations and high appreciation!! Way too much is expected of young children these days and it's disturbing and damaging to say the least. ~Layla __________________ Layla Wife to DH 13 years and mother to high spirited DD 11, energetic DS 8 and baby girl 4. Blessed to mother nephew who will be 16 way too soon!

01-06-2009, 10:46 PM	#70
HummusDip Guest Posts: n/a	Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5 I haven't read the replies, but thank you Heather! That was insightful and inspiring.

01-06-2009, 11:03 PM	#71
Leslie_JJKs_mom Rose Garden loving my family since 1991 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Rural SW Missouri Posts: 6,945	Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5 My 3 year old likes to be a baby. She will come up to me and ask me to feed her with her sippy cup of milk. She can be extremely clingy except if there are new toys or kids to play with. She still sleeps with me like a baby and I still nurse her to sleep now and then. __________________ Leslie (ISFP) Mommy to our valentine sweetheart, Jessica Lynn, and March Jellybean, Kaitlyn Elizabeth. My heart is overflowing with love for my precious girls. Wife to my best friend Homeschooling, sometimes co sleeping mommy to a teenager and sweet little one

01-06-2009, 11:48 PM	#72
Quiteria Rose Garden Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 23,484	Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5 (still reading along...) Just from the first couple posts...I can see this with my oldest...7.5yo having passed 5 but not quite 8...and my 3yo... This is really helpful. __________________ Homeschooling mama to five: a young adult (graduated!), two high schoolers, a big kid, and a kindergartner And yes, they've all aged overnight since the last time you read my out-of-date sigg.

01-27-2009, 09:32 AM	#73
happyhousewife Rose Garden Constantly striving to be a gentle mother. Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: East TX(the Ark-La-Tex) Posts: 4,002	Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5 I wish I had read this when Andrew was younger. <sigh> __________________ Child of the King ISFP Married since 1994 Mama to DS1- 13, DS2- 9, DS3- 6

01-27-2009, 12:14 PM	#74
Herbwifemama Deactivated dd running through the sprinkler last summer Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 7,345	Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5 I think another expectation to drop is *I do not expect them to reliably sleep through the night, or to not need nighttime parenting.

01-27-2009, 12:48 PM	#75
happyhousewife Rose Garden Constantly striving to be a gentle mother. Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: East TX(the Ark-La-Tex) Posts: 4,002	Re: A radical idea - viewing kids as babies till 5 this has helped me so much in the last week __________________ Child of the King ISFP Married since 1994 Mama to DS1- 13, DS2- 9, DS3- 6

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