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Old 01-02-2023, 05:51 AM   #1
KarenBoo
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Default Help for DH's dying childhood friend

My husband recently learned that his childhood friend (CF) is dying. It's a case of lifelong drug/alcohol abuse and poor lifestyle choices.

DH recently drove halfway across the country to see what he could do to help. He called me last night to tell me that things are just horrible, and I'm seeking advice from people who might understand what benefits might be available to CF. DH will be working with CF's older brother along with one other friend, and they are going to see what they can do. They are all there for this week and have a week to do as much as they can.

Facts:

CF went to the ER and was given 6 months to live (liver and kidneys messed up.) While he was in the hospital for 3 days, he made the poor decision to try to walk to the bathroom, and he fell and broke his shoulder. Doctor said it would take 6 months to heal, but also said CF would not make it 6 months. BUT, CH is now at home trying to care for himself, but he can not even walk. (He could barely walk even before the broken shoulder.) So yes, he is at home with no way to go to to the bathroom, and yes, he is just going where he sits. DH said that CF looks shockingly awful, and it's pretty clear that he's dying. (I am unclear if they discharged him or if he left AMA, because how could they discharge someone like that??)

CF has enough money to pay for his apartment, but has no insurance, and I think not much money.

CF needs to be living in some form of assisted living or hospice. I do not know what is available in these situations, or the process of getting someone the help they need.

Where do they start? Will a personal injury attorney be helpful? They aren't looking for some big windfall of money - just some care during the end of his life.

These are the things they know to do:

1) Call the hospital and speak to the patient advocate to see what they say about how to get him some help.

(Is there some other department to speak to? Social services?)

2) Get power of attorney and medical power of attorney done for CF's older brother.

3) Get a DNR in place if desired, or figure out wishes of CF and get that in place.

4) Hire a PI attorney to handle the broken shoulder case.
5) Get the brother added to bank accounts so brother can handle finances.

If anyone knows of any other services to try to obtain or things to do in this case, we are all ears.

They are also going to try to clean up CF's apartment, which is a biological hazard situation. I am very concerned for the health of everyone doing that work. They know they want to be safe, but I think they don't know what equipment to use to keep them safe. Like, are gloves and N95 masks enough? (I'm thinking mold, bugs, urine, feces, drugs, blood, who knows what else??!!) Because the apartment looks like a terrible episode of hoarders, according to DH. I am encouraging them to hire that out to professionals, but I don't think they are going to do that.

Thank you for any advice!!
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Last edited by KarenBoo; 01-02-2023 at 05:54 AM.
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Old 01-02-2023, 06:15 AM   #2
Aerynne
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Default Re: Help for DH's dying childhood friend

That sounds awful! Iím so sorry!

Can he get Medicaid? They should pay for a nursing home. I know at his age he may not prefer that but it sounds like it would be better than where he is now.
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Old 01-02-2023, 08:46 AM   #3
KarenBoo
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Default Re: Help for DH's dying childhood friend

I believe they are going to check on medicaid today. Thank you!!
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Old 01-02-2023, 10:08 AM   #4
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Default Re: Help for DH's dying childhood friend

Check hospice services in the area. Medicaid is definitely something to check.

What a hard situation. Getting legal documents done, etc are all good ideas.
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Old 01-02-2023, 11:19 AM   #5
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Default Re: Help for DH's dying childhood friend

Is there an adult division of like what CPS is? I thought there was something like that, but I am not sure. It sounds like he needs help accessing resources, and you would think a social worker associated with social services could help with some of that stuff?
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Old 01-02-2023, 12:19 PM   #6
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Default Re: Help for DH's dying childhood friend

Is he off drugs and alcohol?
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Old 01-02-2023, 01:59 PM   #7
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Default Re: Help for DH's dying childhood friend

Yes, they should contact patient services at the hospital and they will connect him with a social worker. There was most likely one assigned to him when he was in the hospital.
It is not likely that a lawsuit will help as they take years to settle. I was an expert witness for an incident that happened in 2018 and it just settled this June.

He will need to give permission for his brother or someone to be able to call the hospital and speak to social work on his behalf.

Another resource would be adult protective services. They will also have a social worker who will know how to access medicaid.

A not for profit hospice may be a better resource as sometimes they will take patients who cannot pay. They will also have a social worker that can help with resources.
Medicaid will not pay for assisted living, but with a broken shoulder he should qualify for a skilled nursing home bed. He can still get PT even with hospice as long as the goal is to improve his quality of life.
Medicaid qualifications vary depending on the state- so he really needs a local social worker to help with that.
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Old 02-03-2023, 12:35 AM   #8
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Default Re: Help for DH's dying childhood friend

How's it going?

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