Why not time outs?

Thank you!! I lot to think about! Actually, we have used a version of this and not realized it.

I am trying to jump back in where traditional time outs have been used and change them to comfort corner.

Time outs arn't working but am still not sure on the comfort corner idea. I mean, if ds (4) hits me or another family member, What do I say?

Do I say maybe it is time to sit in your corner? How can I let him know that it is not ok to hit/hurt/spit yet not have him go, "oh mum just got me to sit down, I can do the wrong behaviour again."???

Is there a place where I can find out the answers to these questions???

Jen *confused

[Joanne]

Time outs arn't working but am still not sure on the comfort corner idea. I mean, if ds (4) hits me or another family member, What do I say?

Do I say maybe it is time to sit in your corner? How can I let him know that it is not ok to hit/hurt/spit yet not have him go, "oh mum just got me to sit down, I can do the wrong behaviour again."???

Is there a place where I can find out the answers to these questions???

Jen *confused

It takes time to understand how something can be discipline, not permissive and not punitive.

I would not suggest the comfort corner for a child who hit. I'd say "Hitting hurts. It's not respectful". If necessary, I'd remove the child from play. I'd find out why they hit and help them find another way to handle the same situation the next time. I'd practice that solution with the child. I'd encourage (strongly, as they get older) an apology.

The comfort corner is not a *substitute* for a time out. It's an alternative philosophy. I'd use a comfort corner for a child who is wound up, amped up, or their emotion is so big they are having trouble behaving appropriately. It would not be to punish, or for them to think about what they need. But a place to calm, to regroup, to gather and collect the inner resources to do better.

Let's say you make a series of mistakes with your husband. What would work better with you?

1) You get a lecture, a consequence (he doesn't take you to dinner) or attention withdrawn?

or

2) He explain why what you did hurt or angered him and gives you time and space to take a bath, read, call a friend, pray?

Children do and learn better when the environment around them is warm, positive and loving. They don't have to be made to feel bad in order to do good.

Originally Posted by Joanne

I would not suggest the comfort corner for a child who hit. I'd say "Hitting hurts. It's not respectful". If necessary, I'd remove the child from play. I'd find out why they hit and help them find another way to handle the same situation the next time. I'd practice that solution with the child. I'd encourage (strongly, as they get older) an apology.

The comfort corner is not a *substitute* for a time out. It's an alternative philosophy. I'd use a comfort corner for a child who is wound up, amped up, or their emotion is so big they are having trouble behaving appropriately. It would not be to punish, or for them to think about what they need. But a place to calm, to regroup, to gather and collect the inner resources to do better.

Let's say you make a series of mistakes with your husband. What would work better with you?

1) You get a lecture, a consequence (he doesn't take you to dinner) or attention withdrawn?

or

2) He explain why what you did hurt or angered him and gives you time and space to take a bath, read, call a friend, pray?

Children do and learn better when the environment around them is warm, positive and loving. They don't have to be made to feel bad in order to do good.

k, so removing him is just taking him away from the situation he is in? that means that I am distracting him from what he has done?

The comfort corner is for when I can see he is emotional or might get grumpy enough to hit. It is a way to calm him down before the situation occurs?

And when I do something that is not liked. I get the opportunity to collect myself rather than get told off?

That makes sense. I think. It might take a while.

Thankyou Joanne. Sorry if I am asking too many questions.

Jen

[ArmsOfLove]

not too many questions

it might be helpful to spend some time reading old threads here to get a better idea of tools & such

my site www.aolff.orgmay help also

[schmamy]

Originally Posted by ArmsOfLove

One illustration I like to use, to make it relevant for adults, is if I come over and you've been having a bad day and not behaving well (maybe grousing or yelling at the kids, not doing your responsibilities around the house, etc) which would you prefer me to do:

1) "I'm disgusted at the way you've been behaving today. Your children deserve better than this. What kind of a mother do you think you are? You need to go into your room for 30 minutes (1 minute per year ) and really think about how bad you are. I will come and get you in 1/2 hour and then I will be nice to you."

or

2) "Wow, you're having a bad day. How about I watch the kids for a bit and you go get a cup of coffee and take a break Come back when you're feeling better and if you want to talk about what's going on we can do it then."

What a great illustration! This made me laugh out loud--but in a good way. It really makes the point well.

Can I c/p this to my blog if I give credit?? I'd love to share this with a friend..(or two, or three )

[ArmsOfLove]

Originally Posted by RachamMama

Can I c/p this to my blog if I give credit?? I'd love to share this with a friend..(or two, or three )

absolutely! thanks for asking

Originally Posted by ArmsOfLove

absolutely! thanks for asking

Thanks! I'll link to GCM and AOLFF...

Thank you very much for very comprehensive way to describe "time-out"s. I am a new Mom trying to understand what grace-based parenting is all about. Your post was helpful

[Codi]

Loved re-reading this.

[mommychem]

Same here. Read it to DH - he was nearly in tears because it is so refreshing. GCM
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[Granola_mom]

subbing..need to come back to this when I'm more awake

How do I relate this to our babysitter?

[raining_kisses]

It's a public forum, so you could link her to this page. I loved that this got bumped, I really enjoyed reading it.

to GCM.