Yelling Support Thread

[Mum2Es]

oh yeah, I need this.

Originally Posted by GraceFirst

My patience is the shortest (and thus yelling ensues) when I am engrossed in something that is important to ME, something I want to do for ME, and the kids start fighting or need something (that they can easily do themselves and don't need me for) and I can't get MY stuff done. I am trying to do too much. It helps me to just know that between the hours of approx 7am to 8/9pm I should not try and pour myself into anything else that requires all my attention. Then I am not setting myself up for frustration.

On one hand I feel like I'm never going to be able to do anything for myself, but on the other hand I know that right now during this phase of life I am pouring myself into my little ones and will have time later on down the road for personal time. Just the way it is right now. And they are worth it.

Thank you. I might really want 10 minutes with a cup of tea and FB/GCM, but it's not the end of the world if I don't get it. Some days I get lucky, and that's awesome, but other days Chicken or Princess need my attention in the middle of my quiet morning interlude, and the best way for me to handle that is to acqueisce to their needs and try again later to get my quiet time. If I persist with "No, I'm having my cup of tea and computer time" it nearly always ends in me yelling.

Originally Posted by ThreeKids

I'm yelling too much lately. There keeps being more to do with more kids so when the olders want me to do stuff for them they can do for themselves or make it harder for me to help them, I'm just fed up. Dd1 just expected me to go into the kitchen to help her put on her underwear, after she asked me to find them for her and disappeared before I could give them to her.

I really need to just consistently stand up for myself in not doing more than I should be doing. The yelling doesn't help, but it just keeps building up and finding its way out of me.

In my perfect world, my kids would carefully contemplate themselves whether they want me to do something or need me to do something before asking me to sort it out for them because they know I'm already so overwhelmed trying to balance everyone's needs and they just wouldn't want me to have to put their requests through my poorly functioning priorities sorter, and certainly not repeatedly after I said "no" and weighed down with whining.

I think I need to patiently take the time to teach the kids how to meet their own needs - make a sandwich, pour a drink, wipe their own bottoms, whatever it is - and then gradually it will become less difficult for me to have an uninterrupted moment. Me getting irritated, snappy and yelling when they can't meet their own needs is just unfair if I haven't taught them how to do whatever it is for themselves.

Originally Posted by Soaring Eagle

I'll join in this group. Kids hate it when I yell - I do too. I never knew I had this problem until I had kids.

Nor did I. Kids really push those buttons, don't they?

Originally Posted by charla

Somehow yelling vents all of that pent up emotion in a most satisfying way in the heat of the moment. And then we regret it deeply. So it sounds like we need a way to express our big feelings in a more healthy way than yelling. Hmmm. Ideas?

This. Stifling the yelling, walking away, putting myself in time out, whatever - I feel good that I haven't yelled at the kids, but I feel SO FRUSTRATED!!! Anyone got any ideas on this one?

Thank you for starting this thread!